Completely Numb
by CrazyCollectionDuck
Summary: Seth never admitted the real reason behind his betrayal, and now he's running out of time. Someone wants him dead, and the threat makes certain reasoning much less important. He's got a hired gun to protect him, but will he be bold enough to make amends with the man who still holds his heart before it's too late, or will he choose to become completely numb? (Rolleigns)
1. Chapter 1

"So _you're_ gonna protect _me_?" There was skepticism in Seth's voice and Charlie didn't even bother looking at him.

"Yup," she was used to being doubted.

At 5' 4" and 125 lbs. she was far from intimidating; at first glance anyway. She looked more like the girl next door, or your best friends little sister instead of what she really was. That was until you got to her eyes. Even then most people were too stupid to know what they were seeing, Princess Sethie was no exception.

One glance in the mirror told her the hair and makeup chick who had redone her whole look, including adding aqua streaks to her hair after bleaching most of it, was right about it bringing out her eyes, but not about it making her look more- formidable. Metal glinted from her nose, lip, and eyebrow, but it didn't do anything to make her look anymore badass either.

"How?" Seth's arms were folded across his chest defiantly.

Apparently he was determined to get answers.

"By any means necessary," she tilted her head slightly really looking at him for the first time since they arrived at the arena.

She spent the last few days doing nothing but observing him opting to keep her thoughts and opinions to herself, much to his and many others irritation. It wasn't as easy as it should've been to get a handle on who he really was, or what he was actually capable of. There were always people around influencing his behavior, but even that told her a lot about him. Now that they were finally alone she wanted to probe deeper.

A lot of how she would proceed from here on out depended upon him. She saw a glint of skepticism in his eyes, but mostly fear. _Smart kid_ , she thought smirking a little. He quickly covered it up and replaced it with a disapproving sneer. There was no trace of fear left as she continued to scan his face.

"Impressive."

"What's impressive?" the haughty manner he had displayed when they first met was back.

"No trace of fear," her continued study of his features made him uncomfortable and he looked away.

"Well, if there _was_ any fear it's because you're _clearly_ not up to the task," his words were meant to be cutting, but she had heard far worse, then he continued irritably due to her lack of reaction. "Jesus, how are you supposed to protect me from anything? You don't look like you can even protect yourself!"

"Looks can be deceiving," she told him simply.

"Oh bullshit," he scoffed turning back to her. "I've noticed the scars, I'm not blind. You can barely lift your left arm."

"See what I mean," she smiled cheekily at him. "You're smarter than you look."

His glare faltered for a split second making her laugh.

"But, you don't have to worry about that, I'm right handed."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Confusion mixed with his indignation, and she could tell he was getting fed up with her more so now that they were entering the danger zone. "I could take you out myself without much difficulty. It doesn't matter what side of your brain you use when someone can over power you."

It may have been unconscious, but he took a small step repositioning himself directly in front of her and it gave him away. Before he could even fully extend his arm she'd unholstered the firearm strapped to her ankle and leveled it at him. He stumbled back into the bay of lockers wide eyed.

"Strength doesn't mean shit when it only takes seven pounds of pressure to put a bullet between your eyes and make the last thing you ever see my smiling face," she wasn't actually smiling, because playtime was over, but she was pretty sure he was getting the point.

The desire she had to be here matched Seth's desire to have her here, but they needed to be on the same page if she was going to keep him alive. He didn't have to like her, but he would respect her, even if that respect was fear based. Hopefully he would learn to trust her eventually. What she was about to do was probably going to put a kink in that for a while.

She took two slow deliberate steps towards him holding the gun steady as she pushed it against his forehead right between his eyes. They crossed trying to keep sight of the barrel, and she could see the terror take up residence. It was almost as though she could actually smell the fear rolling off of him. When she lowered the gun after a long moment of letting him stew in his fear, he visibly relaxed. Just as he let out a relieved sigh his breath hitched again. While he had been focusing on the obvious threat she'd slipped the knife from her left hip pocket, waiting until he relaxed for maximum impact. She pressed the tip of the blade into his gut. Not enough to do any real damage, but enough that he would know what it was without looking.

His reaction was exactly what she wanted.

"I don't have to have full range of motion to gut you like a fish," she pressed a little harder and ran the blade across his belly, and his eye twitched at the sound of the fabric of his too tight shirt ripping, "watching your innards spill out faster than your hands can scramble to hold them in."

She held his eyes with her icy gaze as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He was finally seeing a glimpse of what he missed before, now that she left it completely unveiled. Once she was sure her demonstration had the desired affect she stepped back and quickly tucked away her toys.

"You're insane," Seth breathed fingering the thin red line of blood seeping from the fresh scratch as she took a seat on the wooden bench.

"And you need a new shirt."

This time it took an extra beat, but again there was no trace of fear left behind once he decided he wanted it gone.

"What are you some kind of psychopath?" he asked angrily ripping his now ruined shirt off.

"The worst kind," she replied.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he wiped away the blood he smeared across his abs with his fingers.

"I was created, not born," their eyes met and she could see the shiver run through him, but he kept it together.

"Do you always speak in fucking riddles?" she couldn't help but be a little impressed again.

Princess Sethie had some gonads, at least, but she could feel he was rattled.

"It means I used to be normal. I guess you could say I'm a product of my environment. I understand people and emotions better than most psychopaths, because I used to be one and I used to have them," she explained as best she could with a shrug.

When looked up, after she finished loading the weapon she'd just pressed against his skull only moments before he was staring at her. His eyes flashed to where she knew he'd caught a glimpse of her scars earlier. She was about to smirk at him when she realized his big brown doe eyes were shinning with sadness and sympathy, which was not what she had expected. It was a whole other side she had yet to see.

"Oh, no you don't Bambie; it was a choice more so than a tragedy."

When it started it had bothered her a little, but it was something she had wanted desperately so she continued. Soon without her even realizing it, the last ghost of emotion left her and she was hallow. They had seen it as an amazing accomplishment and she had ceased to care.

"That shit is for the birds, Bambie," she gestured to his extremely expressive eyes, the crease in his brow deepened as did his frown, but she continued. "You save that shit for someone else."

The knock at the door saved her from his response. The handle jiggled and then a louder impatient knock followed.

"Why's the door locked?" Triple H asked suspiciously and irritably when she opened it.

"Death threat," she shrugged opening the door wider so he could come in.

He gave her a hard look unused to people treating him so off handed, but she didn't feel like she worked for him, though he'd been the one to hire her. She worked for the mission. A mission was given and the mission came first. It was what made her the best at what she did. Stepping on toes meant very little to her.

"You guys read- what the hell happened to you?" Hunter's irritation turned into concern.

He strode across the room and ran his index finger across Seth's abs.

"Scratched it on the stupid locker," Seth cringed at the contact, but managed to turn on the haughtiness, diving into his duffel bag for a new shirt. "Ripped my shirt too."

He was a good liar. She nodded her approval when Hunter didn't even bat an eye. Seth continued to voice his discontent with what he deemed to be a substandard locker room as their 'boss' nodded along in agreement, promising to rectify the situation before the next show. Bambie was gone and Princess Sethie was back. A ghost of a smile played on her lips.

"Alexandria, are you coming?" Seth sneered, pausing at the door.

He had taken to calling her Alexandria, most likely to remind her she wasn't important enough to bother remembering her name.

"Yes, your highness. Right away your Highness," she gave him an awful curtsy, and true amusement flickered in his eyes as a the first genuine smile she'd seen him give graced his lips.

Luckily, Hunter had missed the exchange, because he was busy giving orders to the rest of the entourage that waited outside their door. Having so many people so close all the time wasn't something she was too thrilled about, but she isolation wasn't going to go over too well judging by the protective arm Triple H had wrapped around Seth's waist. It was going to be much messier than she originally anticipated.

The hallways were empty and she wondered where everyone was, until she noticed people popping back out of doorways after they passed. Simple observation could tell you so much about so many different things, like the relief in the eyes of the employees who managed to escape their notice. Redirecting her observation skills, she focused the group in front of her. Seth's shoulders were ridiculously tense. It made her own ache.

"Hey Princess, come here."

Seth huffed indignantly, but she saw him relax instantly.

"What do you want Alexandria?" his voice was hard, but everything else about him screamed thank god.

His gratefulness told her she had assumed right: the attentions were definitely unwanted.

"Stop, you two," Triple H snapped, sounding as thought he was going to put them in time-out. "Stop calling Seth, Princess, and her name is Charlie. You're on the same team; now, act like it."

"Fine," Charlie gave them her most brilliant faux smile. "Mr. Rollins, would you please come hither, I would like a word with you."

"What do you want Charlie?" Seth stalked back to her, but she could see the amusement glinting in his eye.

"We'll catch up," she waved the others on.

Hunter didn't seem so sure, but Seth nodded and gave him a reassuring smile.

"What's up?" Seth asked once the others were out of ear shot.

"I just…Ugh," she wrung her hands together in the most nervous manner she could muster. "I wanted your advice on how I should act once we get out there. I was… I was embarrassed to ask in front of the others."

A moment went by before Seth barked out a laugh.

"You are fucking good," he wagged his finger at her, chuckling. "You're even blushing! You almost had me."

"What gave me away?" she asked curiously dropping the façade.

"Nothing," he replied. "But the idea of you asking for advice is ridiculous, especially from me. You're too goddamned stubborn for that shit."

"True," she conceded as they began walking again at a much slower pace, as to not catch up.

"Thank you though," he added without looking at her, his appreciation ringing clear in his voice.

"Anytime Princess."

"You know Lexie," he said thoughtfully after a moment. "This just may not be as bad we thought."

She had been thinking the same thing, but chose not to admit it. Their first couple days together had been tense and he had been obstinate just for the sake of it, but she had been right. Protecting him from something he couldn't protect himself from had won her brownie points. Yes, it was manipulation, but the mission always came first, and whatever made it easier was what she was going to do.

He took it as an olive branch and she let him.

"Lexie?" she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Alexandria is too long: Lexie for short."

"I do believe it's Charlie," she corrected.

"I like Lexie better," he shrugged.

"Whatever floats your boat sunshine."

It was all the same to her: Charlie wasn't her name either.

The next few corridors weren't as deserted as the others, and the number of dirty looks being shot their way was remarkable. It appeared the little Princess had more enemies than they cared to admit. Perhaps, they truly believed themselves to be invincible. Whichever the case she was going to have to cast a wider net. Today was critical because she'd yet to see the broader environment in which he normally circulated.

The silence as they walked was comfortable as they each contemplated the other. Seth had surprised and impressed her which wasn't an easy task. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as another dirty look was shot their way. He didn't seem to notice. His brain was working, running through everything that had happened. He was calculating how much was bravado and how much was real. For good or bad it was all real. She was curious as to which parts he would choose to dismiss.

Apparently, he was as smart as he was pretty, and so far had been on point, but normal people instinctively believed in humanity.

Her curiosity almost overrode her resolution to just observe, but his Bambie persona made a sudden appearance stopping her. The sadness in his eyes reached near impossible depths and for a moment she swore she could almost feel it, before it was replaced with utter betrayal, then anger, and finally: Princess Sethie was back. His steps barley faltered as he pushed his shoulders back and held his head high, continuing with a purpose. She looked up to see what could have pulled such a reaction from a man who possessed the ability to slip on a mask at will.

It should have been obvious, but the betrayal had thrown her off.

Twenty paces ahead Roman and Dean were deep in conversation and had yet to notice them. The tension emanating from Seth told her he preferred it that way, and was praying they wouldn't be detected. The chick who had remade her had recounted every sorted tale of the last ten years including this one. It clearly wasn't as cut and dry as everyone thought. Her research hadn't revealed anything to raise an eyebrow at.

Then again she had underestimated the little brat, which was something in and of itself.

Unfortunately, at least for Seth, his prayers went unanswered, and their approach drew the other men's attention. The blonde one, Dean, actually growled at them. Seth's reaction had made her curious, but their reactions had made her suspicious. Her observation resolution went straight out the window as she felt an inexplicable need to get a closer look.

"Lexie!" Seth hissed when she stopped in front of them and tilted her head studying them openly.

Over the years she found that openly studying people made them feel pressure. People under pressure cracked. Others tried to keep their faces blank, which sometimes subconsciously made them concentrate on the emotion they were trying to repress and it slipped. Some even overcompensated by pushing out the opposite emotion in excess. These two displayed none of that nor did they attempt to keep anything hidden.

Roman wore his emotions on his sleeve and only managed the scrutiny for a few moments before looking away, but the guilt was dominant and clear as day. There were undertones of regret and the same intense sadness that had registered with Bambie accompanied by longing, but the true reason for these emotions remained hidden. She was, however, positive she was getting pieces of a puzzle they had worked hard to keep secret.

Dean on the other hand was a torrent of emotion and utter chaos governed. Hurt and betrayal popped up more than once along with confusion and sadness, which he promptly channeled into anger. It was absolutely fascinating. His eyes held determination and intelligence. She was sure she could stand there all day just catching glimpses of what lie behind those baby blues, but that wasn't why she was there.

"Loyalty is an admirable trait, Mr. Ambrose," she said quietly after a long moment.

The way he had stepped towards the bigger raven haired man as soon as he saw them made her think all the chaos wasn't just for him. He seemed to think it best not to respond to the random compliment. The way he looked at her told her he maybe saw what everyone else usually missed. Street smart too, another smirk ghosted her lips. Time to toss him a curve ball.

"So is integrity, Mr. Reigns," shame, guilt, hurt, and confusion, washed over Roman's features and she got the desired results.

Roman's guilt was over shadowed by his shame and for something far different than what she was looking for. Dean on the other hand didn't seem to grasp exactly what she had been talking about, but his friend's pain was more than enough reason to release the torrent and chaos raging inside of him. A menacing growl was all he managed before Seth stepped in.

"Lexie!" His voice held quite a bit of command, but the pleading was evident as Roman grabbed Dean and pulled him back against his chest.

Neither Dean nor Charlie broke eye contact.

"Even admirable traits can be a double edged sword, Mr. Ambrose," she wasn't sure why she kept talking.

She'd gotten everything she needed, but such raw emotion was addicting. The storm inside of him thundered on, and it was breath taking.

"Don't mind her, she only speaks in fucking riddles," Seth tugged at her, but her feet stayed firmly planted. "Stop being a pain in the ass, Lexie."

"What's taking so…" Triple H and Kane rounded the corner first followed by the rest of the goons, but stopped dead and when they saw the four of them facing off. "What the hell did I tell you guys about this shit?"

Hunter was an extraordinary shade of red.

"We were just on our way," Seth walked over and rested his hand on H's bicep.

The gesture was rare, and surprise as well as satisfaction flitted across H's face. He seemed to forget to be angry.

"Charlie was just nervous about everything and wanted some last minute advice. She was too embarrassed to ask in front of everyone," Dean and Roman narrowed their eyes at the back of his head, but Charlie jumped right into the sell.

"I'm not used to this kind of thing," she wrung her hands together and gave them an embarrassed smile hoping she could manage a blush again.

"And these two?" Stephanie made an appearance.

If the disdain in her voice wasn't enough, she made sure to punctuate it with a look that made one think she was staring at week old roadkill instead of two unbelievably gorgeous men.

"I was just trying to boost her confidence," Seth batted his eyes innocently. "I mean Roman gets by and he has little to no talent."

She felt more than saw Dean tense and caught Roman out of the corner of her eye who looked like he had been slapped. She reached behind her to make sure Dean stayed put as Seth continued, but when she made contact with what she assumed was his abdomen he swatted her hand away.

"I'm not so sure she could get by on looks alone like Roman does though," Seth turned to look at her to make sure they were together on this. "What the hell are you wearing anyway Alexandria?"

"My apologies Your Highness," she gave him another awful curtsy. "I figured one person dressed like a cheap hooker was more than enough. Plus I don't think I could pull it off quite like you do. For some reason you just seem to scream slut. It really works for you."

Seth let out an indignant huff and started back towards her, but Triple H got a hold of him, "What the hell did I just tell you two about this shit? Charlie, not Alexandria, and Seth, not Princess, not Your Highness: Seth, got it?"

Seth huffed and pouted folding his arms in front of him, then allowed Hunter to steer him away from the sight of the confrontation. It was impossible to miss the jealousy and hatred that graced the faces of every single member of The Authority as Seth was led away. Isolation suddenly seemed like the only option no matter how well received it was going to be, but hiding him was absolutely pointless, and her gut told her from the start the fox was in the hen house anyway.

"Hurry up Charlie," Seth called without looking back. "We wouldn't want you to fuck up your debut, now would we?"

She ignored him uninterested in responding as she tried to gauge the group dynamics from the outside looking in, now that the power plays would be more obvious in this environment.

"You better run along now, like a good little lap dog," Dean said coldly interrupting her ponderings making her frown, which surprised her.

"Lap dog?" her voice sounded unintentionally sad, hopefully only to her own ears. "And here I had such high hopes for you, but apparently you're just as blind as everyone else: pity."

She meant every word. An uneasy feeling told her she was going to need some allies to accomplish this mission, and fast. There was a fine line between hate and love. With a little tweaking she was sure she could tip the scales in their favor.

"What are you playing at?" Dean's voice was laced with suspicion.

"Unfortunately, I fear it's some backwards, fucked up version of Russian Roulette," she said a little distractedly as they all watched the Authority pretend to laugh at something Seth said.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Dean demanded and she felt his eyes on her, so she turned to meet them.

"We've got five bullets, one empty chamber, and they're prepared to pull the trigger more than once," before she could read either Dean or Roman's reactions Seth's voice rang out.

"Alexandria, you're being paid to keep me alive, not consort with lesser beings: hurry the fuck up," Seth's voice was angry, but she could hear a bit of pleading.

He didn't want her near Dean and Roman, or he didn't want to be near Dean and Roman. Either way, it affected him more than anything else she'd seen in the past week or so.

"I'm losing the fucking motivation, Princess. It seems to happen every time you open your goddamn mouth," she shot back.

Seth huffed and stormed off, while most of the Authority gave her their best, but unconvincing version of disapproving looks, and Roman and Dean just looked confused.

She sighed at Seth's theatrics, but knew he wanted his former teammates to know he was in real danger. Coming to terms with ones mortality made everything look a little different. If Roman and Seth's reactions to each other was an indication "they" were one thing not only Seth wanted to fix before it was too late, but Roman wanted fixed too. Finding out why it broke and fixing it was the key to finding allies. It would take a little manipulation to convince them to cross that fine line, but with time running out she would do what she had to.

Charlie looked back and forth between the two men weighing her options for a moment, and made her decision. "This place is a goddamned hornet's nest boys."


	2. Chapter 2

Seth wanted so badly to shake off the arm draped across his shoulders, but he didn't. He had made his bed and he was going to have to lie in it. They opened the show as planned and he got to play his normal charming self. The boos and chants had cease to bother him, he pretended they did, but they didn't. In the last 18 months he had learned to feed off the negativity. It told him he was playing his part perfectly. He was only bothered now because Dean had been extra venomous and Roman, well Roman hadn't spoken at all, but he could see the pain in the big man's eyes.

Once again it was all because of him.

He wasn't sure if their pain and hatred were worse than being ignored. In truth, he still loved them both very much, and as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he was still hopelessly in love. The venom absolutely hurt, but being ignored hurt just as bad. On top of it all he was probably going to die, and never get to tell them he still loved them, that he had fucked up: that he was sorry.

"Seth are you even listening?" Stephanie's irritating voice only added to his misery.

"No," he didn't even have the energy to pretend.

She had been going on for the last five minutes about how Dean was obviously a threat, if not _the_ threat. Right or wrong, it hurt to even think that his one-time best friend hated him enough to want him dead. Lexie was listening with rapt attention and interest soaking up everyone's opinions of his ex-teammates.

"Listen here you little…" Stephanie hated him more than the others combined all because of attentions he absolutely didn't want.

Stephanie dealt with it because her marriage was what was "best for business" and she would continue to deal with it, just like she had with Randy before him.

"I think that's enough for now," Lexie cut in surprising him, and making it unnecessary to tune back out, then, shooting, Stephanie a sympathetic look before she continued. "We've got some things to take care of security wise, we'll see you guys in a little bit. I really appreciate your input."

She sounded it as she gave them a dazzling smile before turning to Seth and all but yanking him away from Hunter.

"Let's go Princess."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Hunter demanded.

It almost made Seth laugh to think of Lexie bending to anyone's will, but he was too tired to laugh.

"What you hired me to do," she continued to pull him away from the others unconcerned by Hunter's discontentment. "You want me to do my job, don't you?"

Without waiting for a response she shoved him ahead of her towards their locker room.

Maybe he should have been scared in light of what had happened earlier, but he wasn't. His gut told him she was probably the only person in the world he could trust anyway. Most people he knew smiled in your face as they plunged the knife in your back. Lexie had come right out and put a gun to his head and a knife in his stomach. Amazingly, that had made him trust her. She might be crazy, but she had been straight forward, at least with him.

Honesty was a rare commodity.

"What has my life come to?" He muttered to himself as he opened the door to their locker room.

He had gone from having Roman and Dean to putting all his trust in a hired gun.

One fateful decision based on something that no longer matter to him had destroyed everything. That's why he made that comment while he was walking away. A small, okay maybe big, but stupid and irrational part of him wondered that if his former brothers knew he was running out of time would all the bad shit matter so much to them anymore? Could they forgive the horrible things he'd done to them? Even if they did, did he deserve it?

"It gets worse before it gets better," she said simply following him.

He didn't bother responding. There was nothing to say to that really, unless by better she meant dead, and right now he wasn't sure he would disagree.

"You're not going to die, and that wouldn't make anything better anyway. Lay down," she pointed to the couch, and he complied not caring enough to argue.

She sat on the floor near his head. He wondered what the hell she was doing, then suddenly impossibly, gentle fingers ran across his forehead. He jerked away from her instinctively. Physical contact had been something he learned to abhor in the last 18 months.

"Relax, Bambie," she almost cooed at him.

Carefully she turned his head back towards her, and continued to try and relax him.

"Your head ache won't go away if you keep stressing. I'm gonna do my best to keep them away," she said softly as gentle fingers continued to run across his forehead enabling his body to relax despite himself: so much so, his eyes closed involuntarily before he forced them open again. "Let them close. We'll deal with it all later, but for now sleep. I've got you: I promise."

His eyes closed again trusting in her as she continued to massage his head. She may not exactly care about him, but he was her mission, and he knew she cared about the mission if nothing else. He wondered where the hard uncaring woman from the past week had gone. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Just flip a switch," he felt more than heard her chuckle as sleep pulled him under.

"I'm not giving away all my secrets, Bambie, but it's not a switch, it's a shot," she whispered.

"Mean," he muttered, but swore he felt her press her lips to his head.

He was going to ask her, but it was too late. For the first time in what had to be months the sandman easily pulled him under as he wondered if he could just get a shot too. He slept dreamlessly.

XXXXXXXX

What felt like only minutes later Lexie gently shook him awake. He'd only slept for an hour, he was a bit sore, but he felt better. They'd barely gotten on their feet and situated when there was banging on the door.

"Put your mask on Princess," Lexie instructed as she brushed past him to answer it.

What she called him told him what mask she wanted him to wear. He didn't know how he knew it, he just did.

He gathered himself, marched straight past her, making sure to bump into J and J, who'd been sent to fetch them. They both mumbled curses at his back when he continued without an apology or so much as a glance. Obnoxious had become his most dominant trait as of late: it was time to ramp it up. If they were going to hate him, Seth was going to give them a damn good reason.

Besides, if he had read Lexie's actions correctly, the enemy was much closer to home than anyone had previously led him to believe. The isolation was only going to be tolerated for so long. He hoped she had some sort of continuation in place. There was no point in keeping something safe if you couldn't use it once in a while. Till then it was his job to play along, and hope she was as good as she and everyone else claimed her to be.

His music hit. He took a deep breath before stepping off, his mask firmly in place. The boos, as expected, were thunderous. He kept his cocky grin plastered on his face as J and J made a show of holding back the crowd, which was stupid because they were already behind barriers, while Owens strutted down the ramp beside him.

The whole thing made him look ridiculously arrogant, made them hate him more, which served his purpose. He deserved to be hated. Regardless of why he made his decision, how justified it felt at the time, the fact remained, that he'd hurt two of the people he loved most in the world. For that, he deserved everything he got.

Now, he would never get the chance to fix it.

When he could no longer put it off, he chanced a glance at ring. His eyes found Dean's, a man who had once called him brother, and would've walked through hell for him. The almost overwhelming fury and hatred turned Seth's stomach, and though it hurt every time, it felt different: worse. Doing his best to shake it off, he climbed up onto the apron, unable to even consider meeting Roman's eyes, afraid it might break him.

Seth was certain they were going to destroy him after their earlier encounter. He was also certain Lexie had a reason for what she'd done. He had a feeling she never did anything without reason. Still, that didn't change the fact that he was going to be the one to pay the price.

The casual insults he had thrown their way hadn't helped one iota, but he'd really had no choice. Hunter wasn't happy unless he was running down his former comrades every chance he got. Maybe it made him feel more secure in Seth's loyalties or some bullshit. Why, he was never really concerned with. What he was really concerned with was that when Hunter felt insecure he made him pay.

That payment came in the form of Roman and Dean's suffering.

When Dean had kissed his head and admitted to him and the rest of the world he still loved him, Hunter made sure that one well-placed curb stomp into a pyramid of cinder blocks annihilated whatever love his former brother still harbored for him. He had been the one to do it, because at least if it was him, he could make sure Dean didn't get the full impact. It was bad, but not as bad as it could've been.

Seth had cried himself to sleep for weeks after that. It got so bad that Randy finally demanded a new roommate. Hunter had readily complied, most likely because him having his own room farther served to make what Hunter wanted easier. He still didn't know if it was planned that way or a happy little side effect of his punishment.

Then there was what happened to Roman after he'd come back from recovering from emergency surgery. Hunter had put Ro through the ringer after he'd won the rumble. He made him fight for something he'd already rightfully won. On top of that, he stole the victory he clawed tooth and nail for right out from under him. Sure, Seth had been the one to cash in, but he'd been left with no choice.

Obvious: it had always been the plan to cash in, only after Roman took the beating of a life time. When Roman saved his ass from Brock it had just made the whole thing that much fucking harder. Then it was Roman who had to take the pin. It hurt like hell to have to do it, but the alternative was most likely a possible career ending blow like what had happened with Dean.

All of that, the months of beatings and emotional turmoil had been entirely Seth's fault.

When he's learned Roman was being rushed into emergency surgery he had lost his shit. He dropped everything and tried to rush to the hospital. Amazingly enough it had been Randy who had managed to bring him to his senses. It was no secret that he and The Viper weren't friends. For Seth it was for very personal reasons, for Randy it was simply because he saw Seth as a threat.

Still, Randy had put all that aside and took every punch, kick, and insult Seth could muster without batting an eye. He suspected it was because he knew what it was like living under Hunter's thumb and not having your life be your own. His efforts, however, were in vain. Hunter had made him pay dearly for his weakness anyway.

Seth was a master strategist, alright. Only he was playing a very different game than anyone knew. The lesser of the two evils had been a game Seth had mastered in the past 18 long months, and he was getting sick of it. An unnecessarily hard slap on his back jerked him out of his thoughts, and Owens was smirking at him to see if he would acknowledge the sting.

"Ladies first, cocksucker."

Seth ignored both him and the sting, leaning over the rope to hand Lexie his "prized possession" so his latest punishment could commence. Unceremoniously, she snatched it away and slammed it into Joey's chest. The look on her face said, "get your shit together", then the bell rang. He didn't even turn around before Dean was on him. It was all he could do to protect himself, forget about getting the upper hand.

The crazy bastard was really out to kill him.

Blow after blow, and Dean wasn't even talking shit, which told him he was in trouble. Finally, he was given a split second's reprieve. He took full advantage, scrambling out of the ring. He hit the floor with a dull thud, but instead of J and J helping him to his feet and shouting shallow encouragements, he was met with Lexie's icy voice.

"Get your shit together Princess," she yanked him roughly to his feet. "We can't afford to look weak."

"He's trying to kill me thanks to you," he shot back defensively stumbling a bit.

"Yea, I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you've done."

"Screw you," he snarled at her. "I'm sick of this shit."

"Then maybe you should throw in the towel right now," she glared at him. "Just hand over that stupid shiny belt that you're so fond of and save us both the agony and embarrassment of you getting your ass kicked."

He glared back for a moment, _"'fuck her'_ but started to turn back to the ring. Before he could complete the 180, she suddenly yanked his arm with a deceptive amount of strength launching him shoulder first into the announce table. It hurt like hell, and he wondered vaguely if he'd spoken aloud, but fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, the impact he'd felt was nothing compared to what he heard behind him.

His stomach turned, and though he was dazed he struggled to his knees.

Officials and medics swarmed, but he waved them off. A few muttered "fucks" told him both Lexie and Dean were thankfully conscious. Dean was still sprawled on top of Lexie, and he felt a little better when she told Dean to get off barely stifled the pained groan that threatened when he pushed to his feet. Lexie had her back to him, but was struggling to her feet as well.

He managed a relieved sort of sigh.

The relief, however, was short lived as the commotion of Roman taking out J and J when he rounded the corner drew his attention. Without a second thought he started forward bracing himself for a collision that was certain to break him in two wondering where the hell his partner was. He made it less than two steps before Roman skidded to a halt in front of Lexie. The look on his face made his heart sink. As did the blood dripping from Lexie's finger tips as she motioned for Roman to turn around.

The question as to whether or not it was her blood was quickly answered when Roman back pedaled to let the medics get to her. Unsurprisingly, she waved them away impatiently, more concerned with Roman. The ref managed to get him back to his corner looking, if it was possible, even angrier than Dean had. When Lexie finally turned to face him, to either make sure he was okay, or shout more insulting encouragements at him her words fell on deaf ears.

A fury he hadn't experienced since his Shield days engulfed him. Maybe it was because Lexie made him feel like he was a part of a team in some weird way for the first time since then, but whatever it was the sight of blood cascading down her face and from her mouth ignited a spark he was sure he no longer possessed.

The fact that she had pulled him out of the way didn't matter. Dean shouldn't have jumped with her so near. Sure, she could take a hit, and probably had worse, but Dean didn't know that. Their hatred for him was one thing, but this was not something he was willing to accept. His new found fire must've shone in his eyes because Lexie barked out a laugh.

"That's what I'm talking about!"

Dean was finally getting to his feet. Seth ignored the relief he felt when he saw Dean seemed to be no worse for the wear after the collision, resigning himself to do some damage of his own. When Lexie had yelled her approval Dean's eyes had found her and horror swept over his face. His eyes widened as Lexie spit out a wad of blood and smiled at him with her pearly whites now crimson red.

"Hey Pretty Boy, I'm not the one you should be worried about."

She gestured to Seth as he moved to strike and Dean turned around just in time to catch a boot to the chest. He didn't revel in the satisfying humph that escaped his former brother; instead he tossed him back into the ring sliding expertly in after him. Dean scrambled to his feet and as they squared off Dean's fire matched his own, but the jerk had the audacity to smile at him.

It was the final straw and the clash that followed was epic, both men forgetting this was in fact a tag match. The in ring magic that had been missing for the past few months was electrifying as they fed off each others rage. "This is awesome" chants rang throughout the arena and it felt damn good. Seth dominated for the next several minutes, but Dean had made it this far for a reason.

Seth didn't even see the reversal coming that sent him flying into the turn buckle of his own corner, knocking the wind out of him. He got to his knees dizzy and breathless, but nowhere near done. A hard slap on his banged up shoulder reminded him it was indeed a tag match.

"Let me show you how a real man does it," Owens snarled climbing through the ropes confidently as Dean scrambled to make the tag to Roman.

"Stupid prick," Seth wheezed out a laugh when his partner pulled up short and the cockiness drained from his face when Dean smacked Roman's hand just in time.

Roman landed a big right hand resulting in a satisfying crunch as Seth rolled off the apron onto the floor to catch his breath. J and J immediately swarmed him "making sure he was okay" or as he liked to call it "kissing Hunter's ass."

"Stop," Lexie's voice made him open his eyes. "You gonna die?" She asked leaning over him with blood still caked on her face. He could hardly complain about a sore shoulder and a couple of possibly bruised ribs while looking at that, so he just shook his head. "Didn't think so, get back on your goddamned feet."

If it had been anyone else he'd have told them to fuck off, but she had just gotten what he was sure was a pretty good concussion for him, and usually had her reasons, so he just grumbled pushing to his feet. None of that stopped him from shooting her a parting glare, though. She didn't react, but he was sure he could see the closest thing to approval he was ever going to get from her glinting in her eyes.

Pride shot through him when he saw Dean hadn't gotten up yet, and he gleaned the reason for her "tough love".

Not that Roman needed him. The big man seemed to be determined to prove he did indeed have talent. Seth couldn't help but be a little impressed. It was wrong to feel joy while watching your partner get pummeled by someone who was supposed to be your mortal enemy, but Seth found himself suppressing a smile. Roman roared signaling for a spear that Owens walked right into forcing Seth to break up the pin.

The blow dazed Roman and allowed Owens to make a much needed tag. When he faced Roman they normally managed to put on a good show without actually trying to hurt each other, but he could have sworn it was Dean out there the way his usually teddy bear like ex-lover came after him. The ferocity surprised and hurt him more than he could have thought possible. He gave it his all even though it felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

Every blow carried double the impact, because each one carried the reminder that he had lost everything that ever meant anything to him. The hands that were striking him were the same hands that had brought him unimaginable pleasure and held him tight after his frequent but terrifying nightmares. They were the same hands that just a week before Payback had slipped a ring on his finger promising to do all of that for the rest of their lives.

His thoughts began spiraling and he felt powerless to stop it.

"You're beating yourself, Princess," Lexie shouted pounding on the apron. "Stop being such a pansy!"

Roman landed another blow and he tasted blood as he hit the mat. He turned his head to tell her to fuck off, and ask her if she'd ever fallen in love only to have her heart broken and her world shatter into a million pieces. He met her eyes which were screaming at him to get his shit together while fresh blood still trickled down her face. Suddenly, his question felt stupid. Why else would someone choose to live such a life as she had?

In that moment he wouldn't have minded being void of emotion.

"Hey Ro," he could hear the smirk in Dean's voice as Roman picked him up by his hair. "You think Sethie's new lap dog would let me smash? I have to admit she looks pretty damn good in red."

He knew Dean was just saying it to piss him off, but that didn't change the fact that it worked. Rage and protectiveness overshadowed his self-pity.

"You leave Lexie out of this!" his new spark allowed him to break Roman's hold just long enough to deck Dean and knock him off the apron.

It was something he wouldn't feel bad about later because sometimes it was impossible to communicate with Dean without using fists. His victory was short lived as Roman yanked him back and with a quick transition hit a Samoan Drop. Dean had definitely been working with him. The air left his lungs. Capitalizing on his lack of oxygen Roman quickly put him in a sleeper hold.

"I'm glad you finally found someone worthy of your loyalty," Roman hissed in his ear.

His first reaction was shock at the reasoning behind the uncharacteristic ferocity. He was jealous of Lexie? It was almost unfathomable. Then he began to get angry. What right did he have to be jealous of anyone or question his loyalty? His next thought was of Lexie questioning Roman's integrity, then of Dean's reaction. Maybe it was lack of oxygen making him jump to conclusions, but suddenly he was certain Roman had never told Dean the truth.

Intense anger he had yet to feel welled inside of him at the memory of the abuses sustained at the hands of his one-time brother. All the hurt and pain had been inflicted under false philosophies. Seth began to drive his elbow into Roman with all his pent up frustrations. Once his grip loosened enough for him to speak his anger wouldn't let him hold his tongue.

"At least I probably won't find her with her tongue jammed down Orton's throat when she's only going down the hall to get fresh ice."

His voice was something between a gasp and a whisper, but the way Roman's hold immediately disappeared he knew his words had been heard. Seth scrambled to his feet ready to inflict as much pain as he was currently feeling, but the devastated dazed look on Roman's face as he slowly got to his feet made him hesitate.

Time stood still as he watched the man he loved more than anything shatter and his world fall apart. He saw Roman fully realize for the first time that it was his fault that Seth left them. That as a result of his actions a metal chair had been driven, not only into his back, but Dean's as well, much like the knife he'd driven into Seth's. Roman not Seth was responsible for their best friend's mental break and near self-destruction.

It didn't feel good at all. He was torn between wanting to tell him it would all be okay, and he still loved him, while showering him with kisses, or beating him to death while shouting all the vile and awful things he'd endured in the past year and a half. He was saved from his indecision by the glint of a steel chair, of all things. Something must've registered on his face because Roman began to react, but not fast enough. Just as Roman bumped into him Seth realized Owens was going for a head shot. He didn't even think about it before he took Roman's knees out hopefully making it look like he ducked.

The next thing he remembered was an incredible amount of pain, a slight buzzing in his ears, blood dripping down his face, and Lexie screaming at someone. Two other people were laid out near him and he hoped one of them was Owens.

Gentle hands tried to hold him down when he went to sit up, but someone barked out to let him. With some assistance he made it up right just in time to see Lexie launch a metal chair over the top rope like a shot put. It bounced and skittered up the ramp narrowly missing Owens, and J and J who were hastily retreating. The string of curses that left her mouth was impressive as were the creative threats that poured from her.

Lexie had been the last one with the chair but she was still shouting after the other Authority members. His head hurt too much to make sense of it all. He hoped it wasn't Lexie that had taken Dean and Roman out.

"What…the fuck?"

"Bro, your chick is fucking nuts," Dean's voice sounded full of awe, and Seth turned to look at him never having heard him use that tone before.

He blinked rapidly a few times when he saw Dean was looking at him. It had been so long since he'd spoken to him civilly that it took him a minute to realize he was actually talking to him.

"Yea," Seth replied wondering how hard Dean had been hit. "She didn't ah…"

"No," Lexie's appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "It was that rollie pollie son of a bitch. I only got a hold of it after Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum here ran head first into it."

"What the hell did you expect us to do?" Roman cut in defensively. "He almost took Seth's head off."

His defensive tone did little to diminish the warm feeling Roman's words caused to blossom in his chest.

"I dunno," she shot back irritably kneeling in front of Seth. "I suggest a better strategy than using your foreheads to block it next time."

Dean actually laughed though she was talking about him too, while Roman's frown deepened. He thought her voice sounded a little cold when she spoke to Roman, and his suspicions seemed to prove true when she next spoke.

"Can you stand Bambie?" He nodded and started to try and get to his feet.

"Whoa," one of the new doctors approached, and for the life of him he couldn't remember his name. "Ma'am he has a pretty bad concussion. I don't think he shouldn't be walking."

"Exactly, he has a concussion, not a fucking broken leg," she gave him an irritable look.

"Ma'am," the doctor tried again. "He just got hit in the head with a metal chair; it's inadvisable and unsafe for him to be walking."

"Bullshit," she scoffed. "That dudes head is just as, if not harder, and I've been up and walking for 20 minutes."

"Yes," he conceded. "Which I also advised against, but you refused medical attention."

"Good, thank god we're on the same page," she exaggeratedly wiped her brow. "I thought we'd never get there, so does he."

"Ma'am you can't make that decision for him" the doctor was trying not to sound annoyed.

Seth didn't offer up a decision for himself way too amused at seeing her do it to someone else for a change.

"Sure I can," she waved away his concern. "I have Power Of Attorney and An Advanced Medical Directive."

"Ma'am he's still bleeding" he wasn't even bothering to hide his impatience now.

"Of course he's still bleeding he just smacked with a steel chair." The Doc looked at her for a second, and then let out a final exasperated sigh walking away with his cell phone in hand. "That dude is fucking stubborn."

She shook her head, and Seth couldn't tell if she was being serious or not.

"Come on Bambie, on your feet."

He was still extremely dizzy when she pulled him up, and though it wasn't as rough as the first time he found it hard to believe this was the same woman that had relaxed him to sleep earlier. Finding his feet was difficult and his vision dimmed as nausea hit him. Three sets of hands darted out to steady him. One was definitely Lexie, he could tell by the way her nails dug into his flesh, but the other two surprised him.

They felt so familiar, yet so foreign.

It was as if the air had been sucked from him lungs. Chills broke out all over his body and his eyes closed automatically as he relished in the touches he was so sure he would never feel again. A single tear rolled down his cheek before he could even attempt to stop it.

"Mask Princess," Lexie snapped digging her nails farther in.

He gasped a little in pain, but did his best to comply.

Roman's hands tighten around his waist protectively, "You're hurting him."

"Yea, because I'm the only one here guilty of that," she snapped at him, and this time the chill in her voice was unmistakable.

Two sets of hands tense, but they didn't let go.

"You let me worry about him, you worry about yourselves. You both need stitches."

"We need stitches?" Dean asked incredulously slightly loosening his grip, and though, Dean was only trying to help, Seth was of the opinion he looked in no condition to be supporting anyone. "I think you need them more than we do. You're still bleeding."

"Yea, well that's because you have an amazingly thick skull," her voice was hard and Seth tried to puzzle together what it was she was trying to do through the fog of his concussion.

"Hey, we're only trying to help," Roman ever the peace maker said quickly when Dean's hands stopped supporting Seth.

"Worry about helping yourselves," she snapped and Seth wondered where the sudden aggression was coming from. "You take care of your brother; I'll take care of mine."

His heard skipped a beat at her words, and for no particular reason he felt warm.

"Why don't you go find some fresh ice… packs?" Roman's hands immediately dropped and he glared at Seth accusingly while Dean looked confused as to why that statement would garner such a reaction, but ever the loyalist he looked affronted on Roman's behalf.

Reality came crashing down around him as he was yanked from his little fantasy where his brothers still loved him, and Lexie was here because she was his friend, his sister in arms, not because someone wanted him dead. He wanted that so bad it made his chest ache.

"Don't look at him like that," Lexie snapped again. "He didn't tell me shit, I can read lips."

"You can read lips?" Roman scoffed clearly not believing her as the four of them squared off for the second time that night.

"Yes, I can jackass, and you would all do well to remember there's always someone watching, or listening." Seth suddenly felt as though ice water was running through his veins now that he understood exactly what she was doing.

Hunter was somewhere watching this and he was going to make them pay for it.

"There's no telling what consequences you'll reap as a result."

"Is that a threat?" Dean tried to puff up, but looked horribly unsteady.

"No, it's damn good advice," Lexie didn't back down, but stepped closer. "Don't tell me you're deaf as well as blind?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He was angry but wasn't sure why.

"And they told me you were smart," she scoffed resting her hand on his abdomen moving even closer.

Seth was sure it was more so to make sure he didn't face plant than anything else, but now their faces were only two inches apart.

"It means open your goddamn eyes and your ears Pretty Boy; rose colored glasses are out of style."

Seth expected Dean to respond with anger despite his physical condition, and though he wasn't in any condition to fight either, he tried to get ready just in case. Lexie was trying to explain what was going on without saying it outright to avoid any blow back. Her guise of shit talking would only last so long before someone bothered to listen in. To his surprise and relief Dean looked thoughtful rather than furious.

"That's it baby, just like that," Lexie purred at him with a smirk.

"Knock it off you four," the Doc was back and even more irritable. "I don't care if you cartwheel there, but the Boss wants you in the training room now."

Lexie held Dean's eyes for a moment then her gaze flickered to Roman's to make sure he was paying attention.

"See what I mean?" Both men stiffened at the realization, but he could see they remained suspicious of her, and Seth couldn't blame them.

"I said now!" Doc barked.

"Roger Sir," Lexie flipped a switch. "We appreciate the options Sir; however, even walking in our respective conditions is inadvisable, cartwheeling just sounds ludicrous."

She sounded 100 % serious and didn't bother to wait for a response. Seth suppressed a smile at the Doc's exasperated sigh as she led him over to the ropes. Dean was less successful and sort of snickered while Roman struggled with his own smile despite his anger. Seth wondered what game she was playing now when he saw her discretely toss his former teammates a wink as she climbed through the ropes.


	3. Chapter 3

The tension in the training room was so thick it seemed to hold actual physical weight. Seth along with both of his former teammates sat quietly with their shoulders slumped under the pressure of the imminent arrival of The Authority. Doc, was tense too, but Seth was sure that had more to do with Lexie, who seemed wholly unconcerned, than anything else.

She was following him around the room firing off questions. His obvious irritation could have been residual from the fit Lexie had thrown until he agreed to allow her treat Seth herself, as well as the fact she had dismissed all of his medics, or from her rapid fire questioning. Most likely all three, because it seemed to be mounting.

Her request to clear the room of everyone but the Doc and those being treated was met with very few raised eyebrows, because Seth had already built a reputation of being difficult and slightly eccentric. However, her qualifications to treat him were questioned and met with resistance. A quick call to Hunter and Doc had no choice but to relent. Seth wasn't sure what she was up to, but he thought she was testing the poor man much like she'd done with him.

It was hard to concentrate on what she was doing or why. Most of his brain was occupied with running through the punishments his most recent misstep might incur, while the rest was occupied with the memory of Roman's hands gripping his waist so protectively. The later was something he never so much as dared to dream of, and would probably haunt him until the day he died.

If an anonymous someone had their way that would be sooner rather than later.

The thought caused an involuntary shiver to run through him. It brought all his major life regrets to the forefront of his mind. None preoccupied him more than the rushed decision that led to his unforgivable actions, the resulting fall out, and loss of the two men being treated less than 10 feet away: undoubtedly his biggest. For the first time since entering the room he plucked up the courage to lift his eyes.

The quickness in which he found Roman's gaze felt magnetic. The beautiful steel grey orbs he'd grown so familiar with due to hours spent aimlessly gazing into them bore into his own. They shone with devastation, sadness, and enough regret to match his own. An overwhelming urge to comfort him, and plead a new forgive and forget policy suddenly seized him. Before he could act on it an angry outburst startled him.

"Listen here young lady," Doc snapped finally completely fed up. "Just because I've been instructed to accept and provide support for any decisions you make, which for the record I do very reluctantly, I will not tolerate you questioning my competence as a medical professional, my devotion to my oath, nor my service to my country."

Seth was worried about Lexie's retort given her pension for pushing buttons, but his fears were unfounded as a satisfied smile graced her lips.

"Fair enough, you may proceed Sir," she bowed making a sweeping gesture.

Doc narrowed his eyes, not trusting her sudden change in demeanor. Seth just shook his head, some of her antics were worse than Dean's. When Doc failed to move Lexie shrugged and walked past him hopping up on the exam table next to his. For an extended slightly uncomfortable moment Seth watched them stare at each other with an intensity that made his skin crawl before Doc finally folded.

"So I'm good enough to treat you, but not him?" He wasn't going down quietly, but the tone of his voice didn't touch her.

"Don't take it personal Doc," she replied allowing him to finally stitch her up. "Due to recent developments, I trust no one where Bambie's concerned."

"Well, your loyalty is admirable," he relaxed a bit seemingly taking the damage to her face as evidence of her statements truth.

Dean's head whipped around as the familiar words were spoken causing Lexie to laugh.

"I knew we were gonna be friends Doc," she told him cheerfully.

Seth on the other hand had to agree with the skeptical look Doc was giving her.

"Now, tell me, what's your experience concerning gunshot wounds."

That was the end of his ease dropping. He didn't want to think about why she would be concerned with gunshot wound experience, though he took it as a sign she trusted the man even if it was just a little bit. Instead he began the tedious, but all consuming task of trying to recall some of the poems he'd been forced to memorize in 6th grade.

He'd discovered making your mind blank when you didn't want to think anymore was impossible. Well, unless you were a Buddhist Monk or something, which he certainly wasn't, so he relied on filling his head with things that were meaningless, but required him to think. As he became stuck on the third stanza of one he thought might be Poe he was interrupted by Lexie who was ready to stitch.

"It'll all work out," she told him quietly when she noticed his eyes had drifted to where his former teammates were sitting.

He barely managed a nod being too choked up with unbidden emotion for anything else.

Her hands moved swiftly and skillfully once she was sure he was numb and the painkillers had kicked in. It had taken a while for her to get started because she insisted on using everything on herself first to ensure it was safe for him. He watched her as she knotted the first stitch, wondering what other hidden skills she possessed. Though, he thought there were probably some he didn't really want to know about. Instead, he focused on the return of her unexpected gentleness from earlier.

The peace didn't last long. Less than a minute later the training room door banged open startling him. The repressive tension increased tenfold and weighed down on him when he saw it was Hunter followed by the rest of The Authority. The only indication he had that Lexie even knew they had arrived was the hand not holding the needle slipped to the back of his neck and gently applied pressure reminding him to relax. He did his best to comply and knew he succeeded when her hand moved back to his chin. Hunter's eyes met his and the suspicious anger he found caused him to stiffen.

Still, Seth managed a smile, though he wasn't sure how convincing it was.

"Now, was that really necessary?" Lexie admonished when she felt him stiffen drawing the attention away from him. "Some people have sharp instrument in their hands. Princess Sethie almost lost an eye."

"Where were you," Hunter asked angrily glaring at the back of her head.

"You're going to have to be more specific," she replied unconcernedly continuing to work. "I'm 32 years old; in that time I've been a lot of places. Narrow it down a bit and I might be able to oblige."

"When we tell you to do something, we expect you to do it," Stephanie replied shortly.

"It was my fault," Seth cut in quickly before Lexie could push anymore buttons, then reined in his slight panic taking on an irritable tone. "I made her take me to the locker room to get my extra shirt, but I forgot I ripped it on that shitty locker."

He punctuated it with and accusing look at Hunter in hopes of turning the tables. Some of the anger faded, but Seth wasn't sure they completely bought it. It would have to do though, because the truth certainly wouldn't.

Dean who had taken two good blows to the head had been struck by a sudden dizzy spell and almost ate concrete. Luckily, Roman was able to catch him before that happened, but Lexie had insisted on examining him before letting him go any farther. Seth nervously kept an eye out at one end of the hallway, while Roman took the other. It had been 15 long minutes before she had given him the okay to get back on his feet.

Seth didn't even want to think about the consequences if Hunter happened across them.

"Well, at least it seems you two are getting along better," Hunter was trying to be diplomatic, but Seth didn't miss the glint of jealousy.

"It's all the team building and trust exercises we've been doing," Lexie replied with false enthusiasm. "I'm pretty sure we're ready to move onto knife throwing. Don't you Princess?"

"You are not throwing knives at me, Alexandria" Seth replied. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that you have a sharp needle near my eye."

"Aw, don't be like that. You're breaking my heart," her voice was full of mock sorrow. "Not even one?"

"Not even a spoon," he replied resolutely folding his arms.

"You are aware just how sharp this needle is, right?" She held the needle out threateningly making sure he could see it.

Though there was amusement and a conspiratorial glint in her eyes, he let a terrified look wash over his face for the benefit of those behind her.

"Alright, that's enough, I'm sorry I said anything," Hunter cut in.

He was anything but sorry judging by the satisfaction in his voice.

"Told you she was fucking crazy," Owens muttered as she knotted what he hoped was the final stitch.

Something he assumed was her version of anger took over her features. With it, that unsettling dead cold stare he had noticed earlier had power behind it. He was positive he was getting a glimpse of just how dangerous she truly was. For the first time since he'd been informed someone was actively trying to kill him he felt like he might have a chance to make it through alive. A split second later it transformed from terrifying anger to what he would classify as crazy anger.

"Oh hell no," she snapped turning on the group behind her glaring at Owens. "Not happening, get the fuck out."

"Lexie…" he reached out and grabbed her shoulder not wanting her to get into a skirmish when she was already banged up over something that was over and done with.

"Don't' Lexie me," she pulled out of his grasp.

"Calm down Charlie," Hunter commanded, but she ignored him.

Seth immediately thought about how people always said to never tell an angry woman to calm down unless you wanted to lose your head or something along those lines. It seemed like excellent advice judging by Lexie's reaction to the words.

"Calm down?" She refocused on Hunter, disbelief mixed with her anger. "Seth took a direct shot to the head. Does traumatic brain injury mean anything to you? Tweedle Dee got lucky with a glancing blow," she gestured to Roman. "Tweedle Dum, not so lucky, and that's not even taking into account the concussion he already had," she waved a hand towards Dean. "Let's not forget about the shot he took at me. You may not actually care what happens to them or me, but that shit is still unacceptable."

"He took a shot at you?" Seth's own anger surprised him, and he momentarily forgot about his injuries jumping off the table.

"Sit down dumbass," Lexie snapped at him as a wave of dizziness hit him.

Her voice was hard, but her hands were gentle when she pushed him back on the table. He blinked a few times. When his vision cleared he saw both Roman and Dean were on their feet as well looking as angry as he felt.

"He's here to apologize," Stephanie said as though they were being irrational.

"Declined, get the fuck out," Lexie expressed everyone's sentiments.

"Come on," Owens was either not taking her seriously, or relying too much on the cushion The Authority provided. "I didn't mean to hit Seth, Reigns ducked, and the rest, well I just got carried away."

"Bullshit on all accounts you lying sack of shit," Lexie shot back shaking with anger.

Roman and Dean seemed to have sensed the danger. They managed to skirt around unnoticed and Seth suddenly found his brothers standing tall by his side. Well, Lexie's side, it was safer to think of it that way. The other road only led to a treacherous slippery slope.

"I warned you, I fucking told you what would happen…"

"No!" Seth shouted remembering the knife as her hand slid down to her left hip pocket.

He had no desire to see Owens innards already nauseous to begin with. A more vicious wave of dizziness hit him as he jumped down to stop her. Unfortunately, he was going down this time. That was until a pair of hands that sent a bolt of electricity through his body caught him. He knew those hands, he craved those hands, and a whimper escaped him when Roman pulled him into his chest. The scent was intoxicating and it all felt like sensory overload.

If he died from it, right here, right now, he could be okay with that.

The clatter of metal and shouting pulled him back to the situation at hand. He didn't want Lexie to do 25 to life for a worthless asshole like Owens. He lifted his head to find Hunter and Kane each on one of Owens arms, while Dean held onto Lexie. He wasn't entirely sure whether Dean was holding her back, or she was holding him up, but he was sure Lexie looked completely unhinged.

"That's enough!" Doc shouted over everyone, and the command in his voice was something akin to what he's heard Lexie use before. "This is a medical treatment facility! Everyone and I mean everyone, who is not here to receive medical attention, get out!"

It was enough to make everyone freeze for a moment.

"Now!" he reiterated menacingly, and this time everyone began to comply.

Owens, however, couldn't leave well enough alone, "fucking crazy bitch."

"That's right motherfucker," Lexie sprang to action, "and you're numero uno on my fucking shit list, so keep running your goddamn mouth and Satan himself will cringe when he sees what I've done to you!"

"Out!" Hunter yelled shoving Owens towards the door forcefully. "I'll be back."

Once the door closed behind him Seth sagged completely exhausted against Roman's chest.

"Get them both on a table," Doc ordered. He felt strong arms lift him and place him carefully on the exam table.

"Come on pretty boy," Lexie flipped a switch and the explosiveness from only moments ago vanished. "Let's take another look at you."

Dean grumbled but a faint squeak told him he complied.

"Hold still," Roman said tenderly.

A pained hiss escaped him when he felt a burning sensation in his cheek.

"Sorry," he felt the big man wince. "The needle was stuck in your cheek."

"You want me to do that?" Doc asked as Roman rubbed the spot on his face where the needle had gotten stuck.

"No I've got him," apparently Doc had been talking to Lexie. "Finish Bambie. I'm pretty sure he's got some bruised ribs, take a look for me?"

The statement told Seth that Doc had passed whatever test Lexie had been giving him.

Roman's fingers grazed the large discolored patch on Seth's right side causing goose bumps to break out all over his body. Seth clamped his hand on top of Roman's pressing it into his flesh ignoring the physical discomfort. He kept his eyes closed though, not wanting the emotional turmoil he was feeling to be seen, or to feel his heart break if he saw any.

"Sit up," Doc instructed.

Roman cautiously helped him into a sitting position, but once he was upright he let go. Seth almost whined missing the contact immediately, but held it in. Roman was still close enough to keep Seth's hair standing on end, and he concentrated on that as Lexie continued to talk softly to Dean as she examined him.

"You've done this before," Doc said accusingly as he snipped the last stitch.

"Previous profession," Lexie replied, and Seth watched her seemingly massage Dean's neck out of the corner of his eye.

"That is?" Doc inquired shinning a light into Seth's eye.

"Profiling," she said doing the same to Dean.

"Ah, one of those," Doc said as though pieces of a puzzle were coming together making her laugh.

Seth wasn't sure what she was talking about as he watched her nod. He ceased to care when he suddenly felt Roman's hand brush over the top of his head much like it used to when he got hurt in their Shield days.

"1-10 how bad is it?" Lexie asked and he saw Dean simply shrug, which meant it was bad.

Roman's muttered "fuck" and abandonment of Seth told Lexie just that.

"No hospital," Dean said quickly when she frowned at him.

Roman started muttering about how he would have to go if they told him to. In the old days it would have been Seth's job to convince him, and the fact that if he chimed in now they'd tell him to go to hell made his eyes sting.

"I'll make you a deal Pretty Boy," Lexie ran her fingers through Dean's messy hair.

Seth felt an irrational pang of jealousy. Dean already had his Roman, and now he was taking his Lexie too. The thought made his eyes sting farther as he tried to convince himself the drugs were what was making him so sentimental.

"You don't have to go to the hospital if you promise to listen to me and behave, and I mean promise and mean it, you can come back to the hotel, and I'll watch you."

Dean looked like he wanted to say yes right away, but deferred to Roman who was chuckling to himself, most likely thinking of Dean behaving for anyone. Dean took it as a yes, and gave her his most flirtatious smile with both dimples prominently on display, "no promises."

"I'll take honestly any day," she smiled back ruffling his hair affectionately as Roman watched them fondly. "Now lay down for a bit so I can get an aid bag together."

He nodded readily as she lower him back down carefully with a gentleness Seth thought of as belonging to him. Seth felt a deep well of sadness as a tear slid down his cheek for the second time today. It felt so stupid and childish, but there it was. An actual sob escaped before he could stop it startling everyone.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Of course, he knew why he was sad, but not why his reaction was so strong. Roman and Dean looked concerned while Doc immediately looked for a medical explanation, but Lexie just laughed at him.

"Aw Bambie," she smiled at him which only made it worse.

It was embarrassing enough as it was.

"Don't laugh at me," he brushed away his tears angrily, but they only fell faster.

She gently wrapped an arm around him, and he automatically leaned into her.

"I dunno what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," she assured him, and he wanted to believe her, but there had to be a reason no one loved him. "It's been a crazy emotional incredibly long week, but you're handling your shit, much better than I thought possible. You're doing well."

Another sob escaped. Her reassurances felt sincere and he knew in his gut they were, but she didn't understand. He ruined everything he touched, and everyone hated him for it. The bruises that covered most of Lexie's beautiful face were proof of enough for him that he brought nothing but misery. The idea he was better off dead popped into his head once again, because the only people that didn't hate him wouldn't care either way. He didn't say any of that though.

"Yea well, if I'm handling it so well why am I a mess?" He brushed away another tear.

"It's the drugs, don't be alarmed," she gave him a squeeze. "It used to happen to me when I was, you know… normal."

She sounded sad, and Seth wondered if it was possible. He often forgot about that whole thing, because she often didn't seem like just the shell she claimed to be. He'd heard her laugh, seen her smile, and felt her tender touch. Real or not he wanted to make her feel better.

"You know," he teased through his tears that were now subsiding. "The Tin Man had a heart all along."

"And the Cowardly Lion always had courage," she replied kindly seemingly relieved he was calming.

"I wanna be Dorothy," Dean pipped up after a moment.

"No, you can be Toto. Roman can be Dorothy," Lexie said without missing a beat.

"Not fair, why?" Dean folded his arms.

"Because you're a dog," Roman teased him, "and I have better hair, and I'm way prettier."

"Nah ah, not true," Dean protested attempting to sit up.

"Careful bro," Roman chastised gently pushing him upright.

"Lexie, tell them it's not true," he pouted. "Tell them that's not why. I am soooo prettiest"

"It's mostly cause I was hoping he'd let me braid his hair," she shrugged.

It could go in the record book as one of their dumbest arguments, but Seth laughed, because it felt so good, so much like the old days.

"He won't let you braid his hair either way," Dean tried to negotiate. "You can braid my hair. I'll let you, I promise"

"I'll let you braid my hair just so Dean has to stay Toto," Roman smirked, and Dean now looked beyond distraught.

"At least Toto's adorable," Seth added helpfully. "Lots of people like Toto."

"See you're adorable," Roman went to pinched the upset blonde's cheek, but his hand was swatted away.

"Conspiracy," Dean said accusingly. "That's what this is, it's all a conspiracy!"

"Just because you don't get your way doesn't mean it's always a conspiracy," Seth told him emboldened by the fact his last comment wasn't met with hostility.

"Of course it does," Dean scoffed. "I am pretty!"

"Not as pretty as I am," Roman teased.

"Or me," Seth added.

Dean let out a disgruntled scoff and Roman held out his hand for a fist bump. Seth felt his heart sore as he obliged.

"Mean," Dean started to jump off the table.

"OK that's enough," Lexie said firmly over their laughter walking over and pushing Dean back on his table. "Mommy loves all her babies, and they are all equally pretty in their very own special way."

Her voice was dripping with sarcasm, and Dean narrowed his eyes at her as Seth and Roman shared a knowing look. It made him feel like he was going to burst with happiness, maybe Lexie was right, maybe it would all be okay.

"Conspiracy," Dean grumbled as she made him lay back down.

"You know adorable isn't so bad," Roman was unable to help himself.

"Not bad at all," Seth joined in, because Dean was such an easy target. "I sort of like adorable, you know? Like those crazy cats people post on the internet."

"That's it," Dean tried to sit up but Lexie pushed him back down glaring at both him and Roman who were laughing like a couple of hyenas.

They didn't know why, but Dean had something against the weird cat pictures people posted on Facebook.

"Enough means enough," she growled and their mouths snapped shut immediately.

Dean gave them a smug look and stuck his tongue out at them behind her back.

"And you," she turned on Dean who transformed back into a kicked puppy just in time. "Get off that table one more time and I tan your hide." She looked at each of them in turn, "is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," they chirped in unison.

"Good, now fight nice children while I stock the aid bag," she shocked them all by planting a kiss on each of their foreheads.

Once her back was turned Roman smirked and held out his fist.

"Fist bump, and I castrate you," She said as she walked away without looking back.

Dean laughed at their horrified looks as they snatched their hands back as fast as humanly possible. They all smiled at each other for a moment. Even with bruised ribs, a wicked headache, a busted shoulder, and a death threat looming over his head, it was the happiest Seth had felt in a long time. Roman pulled up a chair between the two tables occupied by his former teammates and placed one of his big paws on Seth's shoulder.

"You should lie down too," Roman said softly pulling him backwards.

Seth didn't fight him. He was super tired and was struggling just to keep his eyes open. "Sleep," Roman encouraged running the back of his hand down the side of Seth's face.

"She calls me Pretty Boy," Dean mumbled sleepily. "That means I'm prettiest."

Seth smiled and felt more than heard Roman chuckle. Dean had a tendency to get stuck on arguments he lost.

" _I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and briiiiiight,_ " He was singing to himself, but even Lexie and Doc who were in the back of the room rummaging through medical supplies laughed. He mumbled a little then continued, _"Who's that pretty guy in that mirror there?"_

" _What mirror, where?_ " Lexie sang making Dean's grin widen.

"Don't encourage him," Roman chastised quickly, but Seth could see him smiling.

"See," Dean mumbled happily. "Prettiest."

"Whatever you say… Toto," Seth couldn't help himself even though his eyes were closing.

Dean grumbled unhappily, but his lack of coherent response told Seth he was drifting off to sleep. With a final chuckle Seth's eyes closed fully, and he let the peaceful atmosphere lull him to sleep.

* * *

A loud bang and the scraping of a chair pulled him back to the surface of consciousness. He mumbled unhappily at being woken up, and was about to turn away from the commotion so he could go back to sleep.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lexie's voice was a hissing whisper.

"Me?" Hunter didn't even bother keeping his voice down, and stirring to his right told him Dean had been woken up too. "What the hell is wrong with you going crazy like that when he was just trying to apologize?"

"Apologize?" Lexie hissed incredulously. "He was trying to shovel a ton of horse shit down our throats. He did all of it on purpose."

"You have no evidence of that," Hunter replied.

"No, but I have eyes. You've got them too, you should try using them," she insisted still keeping her voice low.

"You're paranoid as well as bat shit crazy," Hunter dismissed her.

Seth got ready to intervene anticipating Lexie's reaction.

"Outside," Lexie's voice was quiet, but held enough command that he didn't argue.

Their voices were raised, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. The silence around him told him the others were listening too. After a few minutes the heated argument died down and Seth began to get worried. Right as he was about to drop his sleeping ruse to go check on Lexie the door opened again.

"You can stop pretending to sleep, he's gone."

Seth sat up sheepishly releasing the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, not bothering to even question how she knew he was actually awake.

"Well, that was rude," Dean pouted after a pause. "He didn't even ask how we were feeling."

Dean sounded truly upset, but the glint in his eye kept Seth from responding. Lexie shook her head, but indulged him anyway. "How are you feeling Dean?"

His face lit up like a kid on Christmas, " _I feeeeeeel pretty, oh so pretty..._ "

Seth would have laughed, or maybe even groaned like Roman had, but the beautiful tinkling giggle that emanated from Lexie made him freeze. He was positive it was genuine as she beamed at Dean who was still attempting to sing through Roman's hand, which was firmly clamped over his mouth. Sadness once again welled up inside of him. There was no doubt in his mind that it was genuine. The smiles she gave him he thought might be real paled in comparison. The way her eyes sparkled while she watched his brothers; former brothers, was ripping his heart out.

With that, it all came tumbling down. This wasn't real. Roman and Dean didn't love him anymore. That was all just a stupid side effect of whatever stupid painkillers Lexie had injected him with combined with wishful thinking brought on by the fact he was probably running out of time. Just because he didn't think it was all that crucial anymore, and still loved them despite what had happened, didn't mean they did.

Roman asked him to marry him, and not even a week later plunged a knife into his back by jamming his tongue down Randy's throat. The fact that he went on like it was all Seth's fault and he was a goddamned saint only made it all the worse. keeping it from the WWE Universe was one thing, but not telling Dean was a whole other ball game.

The thought that Dean knew and still sided with Roman had been his motivation every time the lunatic came after him. The notion that Dean felt Seth's pain wasn't important helped him drive on. That Dean had thrown away their friendship and brotherly bond because the fact that he destroyed one of the most dominant factions in WWE history was more important than the fact that Roman had destroyed his heart.

One minute he was congratulating him, and telling him he never believed in love until he saw them together and realized how important it truly was, the next he did a 180 like some bipolar nut job. He attacked him viciously, like a rabid animal at every turn. Seth's heart, his feelings, meant less than climbing the ladder to success. It was as though they were never brothers; just business partners.

Roman had let it all happen. He had watched them nearly destroy each other while sitting back soaking up the undeserved sympathy. Roman's cowardice did little to quell his anger with Dean though. Sure, Seth had done horrible things, but Lexie had picked it all up in less than 2 minutes of being in a 30 foot radius of them. Dean never even bothered to ask him.

Then there was Lexie, who was extraordinarily perceptive. She'd picked up on it, she knew, yet here she was fondly watching the real Judas's with a complete disregard for Seth's broken heart. That was it, though, wasn't it? Lexie had no regard for anyone or anything. She was so good he often forgot none of it was real.

She didn't actually care either way. It was all an act by a self-admitted Sociopath. They weren't friends. He was her mission, and she wouldn't care if he lived or died if someone wasn't paying her to. Quite handsomely he suspected. Sure that should make what she was doing now matter much less, but it didn't, because it all hurt so fucking much.

He may be nothing more to Hunter than a mere possession, but at least Hunter took cared of his possessions. He cared if someone broke them or killed them in this case. That was better than the pretending. The pretending hurt more, because it made you feel like you meant something, and when you realized you really didn't it was devastating.

"Ouch!" Roman's voice broke through and derailed his thoughts that were quickly becoming a train wreck on their own anyway. "You bit me you cocksucker!"

"You promised you wouldn't tell!" Dean replied indignantly. "'Sides I thought you liked that rough shit."

Just when he was sure it couldn't get any worse, it did. The thought of his betrayers finding that kind of comfort in each others arms was the final nail in the coffin. His eyes burned, but he refused to let them see him cry. They didn't deserve his tears. At least with Hunter he knew what it was.

The pathological liar and bipolar nut job had repeatedly stomped on his heart and now the psychotic gun for hire was in on it.

"Can we please fucking go now?"

His voice was angry and barley betrayed his impending tears, which he was proud of because he was truly falling apart inside. Concern shone in all of their eyes, and only made him madder. Lexie came over and rubbed the back of his neck.

"What's the matter?"

The comforting touch mad his chest tighten and the burn in his eyes intensify, because it was a lie.

"Don't pretend like you actually fucking care," he snapped yanking out of her grip. "Just do your fucking job, and get me the fuck out of here."

All emotion drained from her face after a split second. He was quickly once again looking into cold predatory eyes. He couldn't help the shiver that ran through him, but it was a good thing. That look reminded him with the full force of a head on collision with an 18 wheeler that he was dealing with a cold blooded killer.

"Sure, Seth," her voice was chillingly calm after his angry outburst. "Come on Rome; let's get our bags so we can get our boys back to the hotel and in bed."

The atmosphere in the room soured as Roman followed her out the door without a word. Seth huffed folded his arms, and laid back down not bothering to look at anyone so they couldn't make him feel guilty. He didn't want to feel anything. Instead he concentrated on the elusive third Stanza of what he was now sure was Poe.


	4. Chapter 4

The elevator ride was quiet and things remained just as, if not more uncomfortable as when Seth's initial outburst had startled them out of their outrageous little fantasy. The bitch fit Seth had thrown once they were in the parking lot and Lexie suggested they all stay together to make things easier as far as watching both Seth and Dean went, was impressive even for him.

For a little while though it was as if the last 18 months never happened. Maybe it was the chair shot, but in his worry for Dean, Seth and even maybe a little for Lexie, he had forgotten that Seth had betrayed and left them. That statement was only partially true though, wasn't it? He, Roman Reigns, was the original betrayer.

Yes, Seth had left them in the harshest way possible, but did he deserve anything less? Not that he had asked for it or wanted it, but his heart had literally stopped when Seth had admitted he'd seen it. His worst fears had come to fruition. Not only was it _because_ of him that he lost the love of his life, but he was _responsible_ for it.

Then there was Dean, poor Dean. He'd almost gone right over the edge; completely lost it. Roman suspected that if Dean didn't feel he had to take care of him and make sure he was alright Dean would have been completely lost. Dean who was his best friend, and brother. Dean who always had his back. Dean who had believed one of the only people he ever loved had left him because he wasn't worth it. All his fault.

"Make sure you wake him up every two hours. He doesn't need to recite poetry, just get a few coherent words out of him, then let him go back to sleep. I'll be by in the morning to check on him, but if anything seems off, anything at all, you call me Kay?" Lexie instructed for the fifth time bringing him back to reality.

He nodded not wanting his voice to reveal his inner turmoil. She eyed him carefully, and not for the first time since they met he felt like she was reading his most inner thoughts. It made him even more uneasy, and the need to avert his eyes was overwhelming, so he surrendered. She let out an irritated sigh, but let him off the hook redirecting her attention to Dean.

"You, Pretty Boy," she said gently making Dean smile against Roman's shoulder where he'd decided to smoosh his face and leave a puddle of drool. "You mind Roman, Kay? You misbehave, you go to the hospital."

"No hospital," Dean replied quickly. "I'll behave."

"Good," she smiled again. "I'll be by in the morning; you call me if you need me."

"No slumber party?" Dean asked sadly like she just told him Christmas was canceled making Seth scoff. "But I like slumber parties."

"Maybe another time," Lexie gave him a gentle pat as the elevator doors opened.

"Seth ruins everything good," Dean grumped making Roman's stomach drop.

"Come on Dean," he said quickly trying to usher him through the doors. He couldn't even look at the other two passengers, but he felt their eyes boring into the back of his head.

"I wanna…" Dean began.

"No Dean, it's time for bed," it came out angrily in his panic to flee the situation he yet had the time to process. Everything he knew, everything he convinced himself was true in the past year and a half had been one big lie.

"You ruin everything too," Dean pouted.

"You have no idea." It slipped from his mouth before he could stop it. Dean looked at him curiously. Not so much for his words but for his tone. Dean's immediate concern plus the absolute trust he had in him almost made him spill it all right then and there.

"Rome," Lexie squeezed his forearm rather hard. "Not tonight," he didn't know exactly why, but something told him he should listen to her for Dean's sake. Maybe his own cowardice had something to do with it too, but he nodded again none the less.

It was met with another scoff from Seth, and when Roman met his eyes they were glassy and ablaze with anger and hatred. He winced with his confession once again on the tip of his tongue, but this time Dean saved him.

"Secrets have no friends!" he said accusingly looking between them clearly feeling left out.

"Dean…" Roman started to try and move him so the doors could close.

"No," Dean was suddenly serious. "You guys are my best friends, my only friends, my brothers, and Lexie, you're my new friend, and maybe Satan, I don't know yet, but I do know you're all keeping something from me. That makes me very sad."

Dean was apparently still stuck in the ridiculous little fantasy they'd all been earlier and it was almost more than Roman could take. It seemed to be way more than Seth could take, and the sound of him sniffling made Roman's own eyes sting as his throat clogged with tears. His actions, well more like in-actions, had not only hurt the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but his brother as well.

Dean had held him during his darkest times, picked up the pieces, and glued them back together until there was some semblance of normalcy. He repaid that devotion with deception. He didn't know that Seth had seen it, but that didn't change what had happened. When Roman wanted to forgive and forget it had been the hell Dean had gone through that solidified his resolve not to. Roman would have never made it through the ordeal without his Dean.

"You wanna know a secret?" Lexie purred after a second of no one responding. Roman saw Dean swallow hard, but nod. "If you think I look pretty damn good in red, you should know: I look fucking fantastic in blue."

Roman felt his jaw slacken a little. That had not been anything close to what he was expecting to hear. Apparently "Maybe Satan" _could_ read lips. No one could have told her what had been said, because he had been with her the whole time since then, and she was definitely too far away to have heard it, or Dean wouldn't dare have said it. Seth never told her, he never told anyone, and Roman wondered why.

Dean's jaw had dropped farther than Roman's and his eyes had gone wide with surprise as his cheeks turned red. Lexie gently pushed Dean through the door then gestured for Roman to follow. "Night boys," she smirked with a small wave as the doors close.

Dean stood there blinking at his reflection in the closed elevator doors. After a few second of him just standing there looking dazed Roman gently tugged on his arm. "Come on buddy, time for bed."

Dean turned his head slowly still looking a little out of it, but nodded. Roman was a little dazed himself. It had been an exhausting extremely long day; physically and emotionally. What he wanted was a hot shower, a stiff drink, and a warm soft bed. Well, that's not what he really wanted, but it would have to do.

"Ro?" Dean said suddenly reminding him he would get none of that either.

"Yea buddy?" Roman pulled him into his side, partially for the comfort of the physical contact, and partially because he was walking on a diagonal and headed straight for the wall.

"How did you know... You know, that Seth was the one?" Dean spoke cautiously, and by his tone Roman knew he was being completely serious.

"I…" Roman hesitated, but Dean was looking at him with wide nervous eyes, it was almost childlike. "I just knew…"

He trailed off unable to figure out how to explain how he knew. Even when his head didn't know, his body did. He could feel it somewhere deep down inside. Not in his heart or his gut like most people described, but in a place he never even knew existed until the two toned little shit came barreling into his life. He smiled at the memory despite himself.

For over a month he had been convinced he'd contracted some rare strain of the flu. It was as though every cell in his body was vibrating, giving off an intense heat only he was aware of. Thermometers didn't pick it up, but it was as real to him as the day was long.

People always talked about the spark in relationships burning out, but still to this day his burned just as bright as ever. Even now he was waiting for it to dim the tiniest bit. He desperately wished it would, but he'd come to the conclusion that wasn't going to happen: ever. It was impossible, because that didn't happen once you found your one and only.

"Because your soul felt like it was on fire? And maybe you had a fever, but a good fever kinda?" Dean questioned. Roman could tell he was saying it as he was thinking it. "And even though you knew it could completely wreck you, the smallest amount of time with him would've been worth an eternity of pain?"

Roman wasn't so sure about the pain being worth it anymore, but he remembered thinking like that. If you'd have asked him three years ago, he'd have told you he would walk through hell to have just one night where he could call Seth his. Now that he had actually walked through hell he didn't know if he would make the same decision. Were the 12 months of bliss worth 18 months of torture? Right now, he could honestly say he didn't know, but that wasn't what Dean asked, so he just nodded.

"When did you know?"

"Soon as I saw him, though it took a while for my head to catch up," Roman replied honestly.

He didn't know why Dean wanted to know about him and Seth all of the sudden. When they'd first gotten together, though he was happy for them, because they were happy, he had taken up a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

"I remember," he nodded thoughtfully. "He's still in love with you, you know?"

"I don't really wanna talk about that Dean," Roman had stopped dead and stiffened at his words, but he knew his friend meant no harm, so he just changed the subject. "Any more ideas as to what the little shit and his new lap dog are up to?"

After their earlier encounter Dean had become obsessed with and convince of the fact they were plotting something. He too had been suspicious when they so easily and readily lied to Triple H about what they were doing.

They seemed to have an intimate understanding of one another, picking up on subtle inflections and key words to adjust their reactions and behavior. I made his heart ache. As much as the intimacy angered him, their protectiveness over each other had sent him over the edge. So much so, that he had been determined to make Seth feel every ounce of his pain once he was tagged in.

Seth was an architect, a strategist, a master manipulator, but Roman was certain it was Lexie running the show behind the scenes. Dean was adamant she was extremely dangerous. In what way, he never clarified, but remained convinced whatever it was they were up to, it was sinister in nature. Roman himself was unsure it was malevolent, but there was definitely something going on and it made him feel a bit on edge.

More recent events confused everything all the more. Her obvious distaste for Triple H and the rest of The Authority seemed genuine, as did her concern for Seth and Dean and maybe even a little for him, but Seth's outburst about her pretending to care had made him question it. If it wasn't genuine then they were being played.

Then again, their display of loathing for one another in front of The Authority when they clearly cared could mean The Authority were the ones being played. Maybe they had their own agenda and everyone was being played. The possibility they had individual agendas and were playing each other worked too. Hell, they could just as easily be ridiculously bipolar for all he knew.

"I think Seth's comment about her being here to keep him alive was more than him just being his usual drama queen self," Dean said seriously. "I think she's here to protect him."

"So someone's really trying to kill him?" Roman couldn't keep the skepticism from his voice. Sure, people hated Seth, but killing him was a bit extreme. Dean just nodded without a trace of doubt. "I thought you said she was dangerous?"

"More so that I thought," he conceded.

"So she's incredibly dangerous, but using her sinister skills to protect Seth?" Roman thought this sounded like one of Dean's many conspiracy theories. Not to mention his paranoia was mixed with whatever Doc had injected him with. "I think you're drugged up and delusional," he said when Dean nodded again.

"Think about it," Dean insisted. "It's the only thing that makes sense."

"What's the only thing that makes sense?" The door they were in front of opened and Paige poked her head out. She looked tired, and Roman could tell she hadn't been to sleep yet.

"That Rome comes with me to pick out my new pet iguana," Dean said immediately.

"Why an iguana, and why does Roman have to go with you," Paige asked confused.

"Because it's illegal to have a Komodo Dragon, and I'm naming it in his honor. What do you think of… Rommy?" Dean swiped his hand through the air staring off in the distance like he imagined it being written in big bright lights.

"Ignore him, that chair shot raddled his brains almost as much as the pain meds Doc gave him," Roman told her rolling his eyes.

"I figured," she replied. "That's why I'm still up. I thought you might need some help."

"We're good," Dean said rather quickly. "Rommy's namesake had specific instructions from Dr. Lexie on how to be a good nurse."

"Dr. Lexie?" Paige questioned.

"He means Charlie," Roman informed her. "She's the one who convinced the Doc not to send him to the hospital."

"I wouldn't trust Seth's new little lap dog as far I could throw her. She probably only did it hoping something would happen to him." Roman didn't really believe that, especially since he could see her unmistakable jealousy. "Bitch gives me the creeps."

"Trust me, we don't, but Doc wouldn't have allowed it if it wasn't safe," he wasn't so sure about that either, but he didn't think Lexie would harm Dean intentionally, or so he hoped. Paige rolled her eyes clearly not believing him, but chose to turn her attention to Dean anyway.

"How are you feeling?" She brushed his cheek tenderly, but was shocked when he jumped back out of her reach.

"I feel… _pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and briiiiiight_!" Dean began singing again causing Roman to do a face palm.

"Oh god, not again," he mumbled as Dean continued to sing.

" _Who's that pretty guy in that mirror there_?" He paused with his eyes darting between them expectantly. After a few moments his face fell and he looked utterly distraught, but Roman refused to encourage his antics.

"Come on Toto," he said gently teasing him.

"Toto?" he exclaimed indignantly crossing his arms. "Well, I never!"

"Bed time Dean, Lexie wants you to rest, remember what she said?" Roman tried a different tactic.

"Bed time it is then," he conceded walking away without saying goodbye. Roman knew threatening him with the hospital would work, but not that well.

Not for the first time he wondered what exactly it was Doc had injected him with and how much. He was acting like a lunatic, well more so than usual. Roman was just glad he was moving in the right direction at this point.

"Sorry about that," he told Paige. "I gotta get him in bed before he hurts himself even more." As if on cue Dean bounced off the wall. "See what I mean?'' Roman shook his head as Dean petted and apologized to the wall.

"I understand," she sighed, but Roman got the feeling she was anything but understanding.

"Well, see ya," he said with an awkward wave.

"Let me know if you need anything," she called at his back. "I'll pop by in the morning."

Roman threw his hand in the air in acknowledgement as he hurried down the hall towards Dean who was now jiggling the handle of and knocking on a door that wasn't theirs. Thankfully, it seemed to be no ones. Roman reached him just as he took a few steps back presumably to kick down the door. "Whoa buddy, that's not our room."

"Explains why my key didn't work," he held up the card as Roman led him away.

"That wouldn't have worked even if it was the right door," Roman chuckled. "That's your credit card."

Dean looked down at the card like "how dare you change from a room key to a credit card without my permission" making Roman laugh again. "What am I going to do with you?"

Dean wasn't concerned with the question and now that they were in front of the correct door he snatched Roman's key from his hand. He slipped it into the card reader, and looked entirely too proud of himself when the little light turned green allowing him to easily push the door open.

With a grand sweeping gesture he motioned for Roman to precede him through the door. Shaking his head for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few hours, he complied. He was, however, unable to shake the nagging thought that Paige had put in his head, as it danced around. Was it safe for Dean to be here, or should he have insisted he go to the hospital anyway?

Dean was unusually compliant. He did everything Roman asked of him while wearing a goofy grin and humming West Side Story to himself. "I'm gonna shower real quick," he told him as he tucked him into bed like a little burrito, and kissed the undamaged part of his head. It was partially because he looked so adorable, and partially because his impending confession made him feel like he was running out of time. "You behave or else," he added with a stern look.

Dean nodded readily making him a little suspicious and he narrowed his eyes, but Dean simply closed his eyes and began humming again. Roman snorted both amused and annoyed as he headed to the bathroom wondering how long that stupid song was going to be stuck in his head.

The hot water beat down on him relaxing only a fraction of the tension it normally did. He struggled not to think about the evenings unsettling events. He occupied his mind with trying to recall every teacher he had from kindergarten through college. Every time he got stuck the idea Dean had put in his head about someone trying to kill Seth popped up. After the sixth or so time he let out a defeated sigh and shut the water off. Dean was paranoid and now it was rubbing off on him.

"Is your favorite color classified too?" Dean's irritated voice greeted him as he opened the bathroom door. "It's blue?" He sounded pleasantly surprised, and Roman prayed he wasn't going to start talking to himself again. "I like blue," he continued, but his contentment gave way to suspicion. "What kind of blue?" Roman stepped out of the bathroom to put a stop to whatever his drugged up delusion friend was up to. "Like my eyes? You're eyes are blue too," Oh god, he was giving his "special friends" physical attributed now too.

"Dean, you're supposed to be sleeping," he strode across the room and rubbed Dean's back as he was facing away from him. "Do I need to call Lexie?"

"It is Lexie," Dean replied rolling over onto his back. Roman was confused for a second until he saw his phone clutched in Dean's hand.

"Lexie?" He couldn't keep the panic from his voice as he snatched his phone from a protesting Dean. He didn't think she would call unless something was wrong.

"I was wondering when you would get out of the shower," she was whispering, but sounded amused.

"I thought something was wrong," he breathed a sigh of relief blushing at his overreaction.

"You really think I would be talking to Dean about my favorite color if something was wrong with Bambie?" She chuckled a little and he felt even more ridiculous. "He's fine, he's sleeping already," she assured him.

"I just didn't think you would call unless…" he trailed off embarrassed, but at least his heart rate was returning to normal.

"I wouldn't and I didn't," she replied. Realization dawned and his eyes snapped back to Dean who was looking at him wide eyed and way too innocent.

"Why…" Roman was trying to wrap his head around the fact the Mr. Anti-technology not only managed to unlock his phone, but find Lexie's number and call her. "How?"

"Apparently it was an urgent matter concerning a pet iguana named Rommy," the affection in her voice was clear even as she whispered. "And you never changed the pass code."

His Pass code was still Seth's birthday. He glared at Dean who quickly closed his eyes and promptly began snoring loudly. Lexie hadn't said it, but he was sure Dean had shared that little tid-bit with her. "Well, I'm sorry he called you. If I'd have thought he could've figured out how to use it I'd have brought my phone in the bathroom with me."

"He's far more clever than you people give him credit for," the irritation in her voice surprised him, and he wanted to tell her that's not what he meant, but a rustling sound that he thought might be sheets stopped him.

"I'm just checking on Dean and Roman. Go back to sleep, they're fine," Her voice took on a gentle note, and his jealousy sort of took him by surprise. "Oh now you want a slumber party?" Her playful teasing irked him too. "No, it's too late now, maybe another time. I will. No, go back to sleep. Pout all you want Bambie, it's still not happening. I don't care if you hate me. Yes, I am Satan, go back to sleep."

Everything was quiet for a moment and Roman tried to keep his unjustified and irrational anger at bay. Dean reached up for the phone and he instinctively jerked it away causing Dean to pout. "Don't pout at me," Roman admonished. "You're supposed to be sleeping anyway."

"Yours too?" Lexie chuckled whispering once again. "Give him the phone," Roman didn't like taking orders from his possible replacement, but the way Dean was reaching out left him no choice.

"2 minutes," he told him sternly handing the phone back over.

"Hi" Dean said happily smiling with both dimples on display. "Maybe a dog would be okay too. Can I still name him Rommy? A puppy? I can too!" Dean sounded really upset so Roman reached for the phone, but Dean rolled away tangling himself hopelessly in the sheets.

"Stop moving," Roman commanded as one of Dean's elbows almost caught him in the eye while he was trying to untangle Dean's flailing limbs.

"I'm stuck, get it off," he cried out continuing to roll around and flail making it all the more difficult.

"Goddamnit!" Roman lunged across the bed as the mess of blankets and limbs looked like it was going over the edge. He grabbed what he thought might be a knee, but it proved to be unnecessary. Suddenly Dean went rigid and he seemed to be listening intently to whatever Lexie was saying.

Roman took the opportunity to untangle him wondering how the hell he managed to keep a hold of the phone. Once he was free Dean breathed out a thank you, and Roman realized he was practically hyper ventilating. His eyes were scrunched shut and he seemed to be attempting some sort of deep breathing exercises. A minute or two went by before his erratic breathing calmed, and his eyes opened. "Better."

Dean's voice was still a little breathless and Roman noticed he was actually sweating when he went to brush some of the stray blonde locks away from his eyes. Dean was still listening intently as Roman watched him calm rapidly. He had never seen him come back so quickly. He continued to run his fingers through the other man's hair, and felt relieved when his eyes closed.

Within no time Dean's breathing was deep and even. The phone slipped from his grasp and Roman grabbed it. Seeing Lexie hadn't hung up he held it to his ear. " _The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind... The answer is blowing in the wind_." Her voice was beautiful even though she was still whispering as she sang.

"He's asleep," Roman whispered after he was sure she wasn't going to continue. "How'd you do that?"

"Good, call me if you need me, and make sure you get some sleep too," she ignored his question.

"I will, thank you," he decided not to push it.

"And Rome?" she said as he went to go hang up, and he felt his heart sink. She knew it was his fault and she was going to make him face it before he could even sort it all out. A long moment went by before she continued. "No iguana, see of you can talk him into a dog."

"Yea," he breathed a sigh of relief when that was all she wanted. "I don't even know where that came from." They bid each other a good night and he hung up his phone tossing it over onto his bed.

He took a moment to lean back up against the headboard where he sat on the side of Dean's bed and rubbed the heels of his hands against his tired eyes. This whole thing was a fucking mess, and he was more confused now than he had ever been in his entire life. He still loved Seth; he was still desperately in love with Seth, but how the hell could he fix this beyond fucked up situation.

Would Seth ever consider forgiving him if he tried? Would he even deserve his forgiveness even if he did? He had caused so much pain and suffering with his in-actions that he wasn't sure he wanted to be forgiven.

Poor Seth.

Poor Dean.

He looked down over at his slumbering best friend who deserved so much better. This was going to crush him. It may finally be the thing that made him take that leap. After everything they'd been through was quieting a guilty conscious worth possibly destroying someone who meant so much to him?

Yes, he was in love with Seth, but he loved Dean just as much, even if it was in a different way. They both deserved everything. Fuck, he would find a way to fetch the moon for them if that's what they wanted.

Confessing was the right thing to do by Seth. He deserved that, and this whole thing was just as unfair to him as anyone. Seth had seemingly changed so much since everything had happened, but he caught sadness and longing in those big brown doe eyes every once in a while that made him wonder what the hell was going on. If Seth finally got everything he ever wanted like he said then why the sadness? That sadness was his fault.

Then again, doing all of that might be the wrong thing for Dean. After what Seth's "betrayal" had done to his fragile psyche, what would happen if he found out Roman was no better? What would happen to Dean if it was revealed that the only two people he had ever dared to trust violated that trust? Who would be there to keep him from leaping off the ledge?

He had taken to Lexie who seemed to have a certain way with him, even though he thought she was "Maybe Satan". Dean wouldn't turn to her though, because she was on Team Seth, and he didn't trust Seth, but he didn't trust Seth because of Roman.

If he confessed, could Dean forgive Seth for everything that happened after the "betrayal" once he knew it wasn't his fault? Could Seth forgive Dean for not seeing the truth, and making it a point to try and ruin his life? Was it all hopelessly broken?

If Dean was right, Lexie was here because someone wanted Seth dead. He wasn't sure he really believed that, but what if? If that was true did any of this matter so much anymore? If tomorrow was his last day, and there was no more time, would any of them care about the bad stuff? God he would never forgive himself, and he was sure Dean wouldn't either. Did he make that decision for Dean, even if it was to protect him?

Fuck!

He was hopelessly stuck. If he turned left there was the rock, but if he turned right there was the hard place. Rock and a hard place; a hard place and a rock. Whichever way he went it all boiled down to choosing between the lesser of two evils, and he hated that game.

His head hurt so much he couldn't think anymore, but mind was still racing at the same time. He gave up and was about to get up to get in his own bed when Dean rolled over and latched onto his leg. There was no escape once he was latched on. Roman had learned that a long time ago, so with a tired sigh he resigned himself to sleep right where he was.

As he began to drift he wondered if he should ask Lexie. He didn't particularly like her, maybe it was because he was jealous, but she did have an amazing understanding of and with both Dean and Seth. Maybe she could provide a cushion for whichever way he had to turn. Not for him, but for their boys, as she had put it.

Whatever happened and whatever was decided couldn't be about him in any way, shape, or form. It was going to destroy him no matter what, and it had to be about the two men he loved the most in this world.


	5. Chapter 5

Roman groaned and stretched his aching back swearing to never sleep sitting up ever again. Thankfully, at some point during the night Dean had let go. He blinked a few times trying to read the clock on the night stand. No matter how many times he blinked it read 05:14. He leaped out of bed in a sudden panic.

He shook Dean roughly trying to wake him. Lexie had said 2 hours and it had already been over 5. Dean mumbled a little, but didn't really move. Normally that wouldn't have bothered him. Dean was the worst morning person he'd ever met, but Lexie specifically said coherent.

"Hello?" Lexie answered after the first ring.

"Lex? Hey it's Roman!" He spoke quickly spurred on by panic. "I tried to wake Dean up, but he just mumbled, and he's not really moving! I know I set the alarm, but it didn't go off! Oh god what if…"

"Whoa, slow down," she cut him off. "He's not coherent or he's not moving?"

"Both, neither, I don't know!" He was frantically pacing around the small room pulling on his hair. "I'm scared Lex."

"Okay," she was annoyingly calm considering his best friend could be slipping into a coma or dying. "How was he the first time?"

"That's the problem there was no first time!" he was getting even more upset because it was like she was purposely making him spell it out. "He must've accidentally shut off the alarm when he called you!"

"Okay, I'm gonna come look at him, but I need…"

"Then stop talking and hurry the fuck up!" He cut her off angry and panicked.

"Roman!" Her tone made him stop pacing. "I need to come have a look at him, but you need to calm the fuck down. You're not helping anyone by acting like a jackass. I am sure he's fine, but before I can be certain of that you need to get your ass to my room."

"Your room?"

"Yes," she replied "I am not comfortable with nor willing to leave Bambie alone, so you need to get your ass here now, so I can come and make sure Dean's alright."

Everything he'd been avoiding thinking about too hard hit him all at once. Dean's surety someone was trying to kill Seth, Paige's accusations, his own suspicions, their obvious deceptive behavior, his guilt.

"Roman you need to push aside whatever bullshit is going through your head, and hurry the fuck up," she sounded impatient now.

Would a person who intended harm bother to sing someone to sleep, or indulge them by talking to them about a fictitious pet with a ridiculous name in the middle of the night?

"I'm coming."

It took less than 2 minutes for him to reach their room taking the stairs two and three at a time. He didn't even have to search room numbers because Lexie had the door propped open, and was impatiently bouncing on the balls of her feet with her aid bag slung over her shoulder.

"Wake him up in 45 if I'm not back. I just gave him pain killers an hour ago so he might be a little loopy. Indulge him, but don't fight with him. If he starts acting up, just step out and call me. Nobody gets in, except for me, someone comes you call me right away not matter who it is." She spoke quickly snatched his key card, and without another word she took off at a sprint the way he'd just come.

He was sweating, out of breath, still panicky, and suddenly very much alone. Maybe it was residual from fear he felt when he couldn't wake Dean, but suddenly the silent empty corridor gave him the creeps and reminded him of the shinning.

He had the urge to rush through the slightly cracked door to escape his sudden inexplicable jitters. He almost did, but stopped when he remembered what was on the other side was way scarier than anything from the shinning. Seth was what was on the other side, and Seth possessed the power to obliterate him mind, body, and soul: that was beyond fucking horrifying.

He stood there for a good long while in a sort of trance unable to make himself go in. Suddenly his phone vibrated in his hand snapping him out of it. When he looked at it he saw he had a text from Lexie and that he had been standing there for 20 minutes.

How do I get him off? ~Lexie

He reread it a few times then realized what she meant. Dean had sunk his claws in, and he knew from experience it was impossible to escape. Roman laughed flooded with relief. If Dean was latched onto her that meant he was okay.

You don't, sorry baby girl. ~Roman

What do you mean I don't!? ~Lexie

I mean you're trapped until he decides to let go. ~Roman

He like a fucking leach! ~Lexie

Trust me I know, lol. ~Roman

Laugh it up clown. I'll call you when I escape, keep an eye on Bambie. ~Lexie

He chuckled to himself again as he tucked his phone away. Despite Dean's slightly rough exterior he was super cuddly, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but he frequently didn't wait for permission, and then you didn't have a choice. He smiled thinking of the often hard no none-sense woman being smothered by a sleepy affectionate Dean. That was something he'd pay to see.

Without even realizing he'd moved he suddenly found himself no longer in the hallway. He blinked of few times in slight confusion, and then stiffened when Seth rolled over. He relaxed when all he did was mutter incoherently. Roman just stood there watching his little love bug sleep so peacefully. It was doing crazy things to his heart. Unbidden his mind wondered back to the night that ruined everything.

 _Roman felt like he was on top of the world. He was doing what he loved with the people he loved most. Just last week he had finally gotten up the courage to propose to the man of his dreams, and he could barely believe it when he said YES! They hadn't talked about it before or anything, but Roman didn't want to spend one more day without making Seth his forever. On top of all that, they had just eliminated Evolution. Nothing could stop them now, and he had everything he wanted or could ever need._

 _"The ice is all melted," Dean whined shaking the water off his beer can and all over everything else._

 _"Watch it man," Roman laughed wiping away some of the drops of water that found his face._

 _"You didn't put that stupid soup thing in here after you boiled it forever in the microwave even though I told you not to, did you Seth?" Dean glared at Seth who was sitting on the far bed eating from his slightly melted soup container contentedly._

 _Seth looked up from whatever he was watching on his kindle trying to look as innocent as possible while shaking his head no. He was so fucking cute Roman could hardly stand it sometimes._

 _"You did!" Dean accused sticking his hand in the ice bucket then pulling it out and flicking his hand towards Seth who sort of squealed as the cold water splashed on him. "I know you did! The water's like fucking pink from your stupid soup leaking out!"_

 _"It burnt my mouth!" Seth squeaked out trying to protect his kindle and his soup from the onslaught of ice water Dean was flinging at him. "Stop!" Seth squealed scrambling to the far corner of the room and ducking down. "You're ruining my kindle and my soup! It was already melted a little anyway!"_

 _"Not this much, not all of it!" Dean actually cupped his hand and scooped up the water to fling even more at him this time._

 _"Stop!" Seth squealed and pleaded, but Dean continued looking more amused that angry. "Ro, Make him stop!"_

 _Dean went to scoop up another handful when Roman finally stepped in. He grabbed Dean's hand before he could sling it trying not to laugh. "Stop man, you're soaking everything but Seth at this point."_

 _"He's the one that melted all the ice," Dean said accusingly back to glaring. "It's his fault."_

 _"And you'll be the one sleeping on a wet bed if you don't knock it off," Roman warned._

 _"Yea!" Seth pipped up as he made his way out of the corner with as much dignity as his recent squealing would allow._

 _Dean started towards Seth who was just sitting back down. Seth saw him coming and grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be a pillow and threw it at him. Dean caught it and began swinging at Seth who hunched over shielding his kindle and precious soup from the new onslaught squealing all the while._

 _"Stop, stop, stop," Roman called over the noise making his way towards them before they spilled soup all over his bed. He grabbed the pillow from Dean on a back swing. "What are you a teenage girl?" He tossed the pillow onto the other bed. "A pillow fight, really Dean?"_

 _"He started it!" Dean pointed at Seth who was still hunched over._

 _"I don't care who started it, I'm stopping it," Roman replied firmly, but patted him on the shoulder to let him know he wasn't really mad._

 _"Make him get more ice," Dean demanded._

 _"No," Seth said finally sitting up. "I will not reward your cavemanesque behavior!"_

 _"You…" Dean started but Roman grabbed him._

 _"I'll go get the ice," he cut in. He loved his fiancée and his best friend more than life itself, but sometimes he wanted to strangle them. "I'll get the ice, but if this room is destroyed when I get back, you're both in trouble."_

 _"Make him go," Seth whined trying to pull Roman onto the bed with him. Roman actually wanted nothing more than to lie down and let his little love bug snuggle up to him while they watched whatever weird show Seth was binging on now, but he had to be the one to keep the peace when they were like this._

 _Seth had been tired and whiny when they'd gotten back from the arena, and Dean had somehow found a shit load of excess energy. It had always been an explosive combination. The melted ice wasn't really important, and it really wasn't all that melted, but Dean was only looking for excuse. He had been behaving surprisingly well until the water flinging exhibition._

 _"I'll be right back promise," he told Seth gently kissing his forehead. Seth pouted making Roman laugh and unable to resist planting another on his lips._

 _"Guys!" Dean complained when Seth pulled him in to make it a real kiss. "Come on I'm right fucking here!"_

 _Roman chuckle a little and pulled back gently giving Seth a few pecks as Dean stormed away. Seth was still pouting, and was now giving him puppy dog eyes, "Right back?"_

 _"Right back baby," Roman promised. "I love you."_

 _"I love you too," Seth replied, "even if you are siding with the cave man."_

 _"I'm not a cave man," Dean said flinging water again. Roman rolled his eyes, and then turned to glare at Dean, who thankfully stopped without him having to yell._

 _"One thing out of place," he warned them both before kissing Seth's head again, scooping up the bucket, and heading out the door._

 _He saw Nikki on his way down the hall, who looked like she was moping, and with everything going on with her brother in law and sister he truly felt sorry for her. He waved at her, but she didn't acknowledge him, and as much as he wanted to help, he knew despite his warning, the room was probably going to be in shambles when he got back._

 _He didn't see anyone else until he ducked into the little alcove where the ice machine and vending machines were. That was where he ran into Randy. He seemed to be trying to decide what snack he wanted._

 _Roman tensed a little. Randy's unpredictable behavior was legendary, and having just beaten them he didn't know what reaction he was going to get. His fears seemed unwarranted when Randy didn't even so much as glance his way, so he just dumped out the water and ice and started refilling the bucket._

 _A bang made him jump and, when he turned around Randy was leaning against the wall holding his head. Roman rushed over to make sure he didn't fall all the way down and hit his head on the floor. He tried to prop him up and ask him what had happened, and if he wanted a doctor, but Randy didn't say anything._

 _It went on like that for the next minute or so until the dizziness seemed to subside, and Randy straightened up a little. "You okay man?"_

 _"I'm good I think," Randy replied blinking a few times. "Thanks though, most people would've let me fall." Roman kind of just waved away the comment though it was probably true. He had only done what any decent person would do. "You guys were amazing tonight."_

 _"Um, thanks you too," Roman replied awkwardly._

 _"We lost, you won," Randy replied still leaning heavily on the wall. "To be honest I'm glad you did. You deserve it, you're going places Roman."_

 _"Um, thanks," he felt a little weird with the way Randy was looking at him, and calling him Roman instead of Reigns, he sort of wanted to get away. "Can you, ah, can you walk? Do you need help getting anywhere?"_

 _"I think I'm okay," Randy looked up at him, and suddenly Roman knew where they got the "Apex Predator" moniker from. His eyes were…. Wow. Roman blushed and looked away quickly. After maybe another 30 seconds of standing there awkwardly, and not wanting to walk away in case something happened, Randy finally stood up._

 _"You sure you're good?" Roman asked one last time, and Randy nodded._

 _He started to turn around to get the ice bucket, but he caught Randy starting to go back down out of the corner of his eye. He managed to slip his arms underneath the other mans and propped him up against the wall, almost pinning him. A moment passed and Randy started to straighten up. Just as Roman was going to tell him he was going to walk him back to his room just in case… Randy's lips were suddenly on his._

 _It was shocking, weird, foreign, and he sort of just froze. He couldn't exactly shove him back because Roman was the one who sort of had Randy pinned. If he stepped back there was a good chance Randy, who was already woozy and leaning heavily on him, would face plant. The whole thing was so fucking awkward, and Roman had no idea what to do._

 _Eventually he settled for just standing there rigid, so Randy would figure out to pull back on his own. After a moment or two he finally caught on, and Roman just kind of looked at him. Randy actually looked super embarrassed, "I'm sorry… I just… you were being so nice… I'm sorry."_

 _"I'm taken," Roman said firmly. Though the other man was obviously embarrassed, and probably concussed, he didn't want to say it was okay because it wasn't._

 _"I… um… I," Randy wouldn't even look him in the eye, and it made him feel bad._

 _"Probably the concussion," Roman commented trying to give him a scape goat._

 _"Yea, right the concussion, you're right," Randy stood up fully sort of pushing Roman away._

 _"Hey, man" Roman grabbed him when he went to walk past him. "Listen, I love my fiancée, and no it wasn't okay, but at least let me walk you to your room. I don't want you to fall or anything."_

 _Randy looked at him like he had two heads, but sort of nodded. The whole thing was better left forgotten. People weren't nice to Randy often because of the whole Hunter thing, and Roman didn't want to be one of those people. You love, who you love. He wouldn't want people giving him or Seth a hard time just because it wasn't conventional. Whatever their deal was Roman didn't want to judge._

 _"Let's get your stuff, and I'll walk you back kay?" Raman said gently patting his shoulder sort of like he did with Dean when Dean was upset._

 _"I don't want anything," Randy replied shortly, and Roman decided not to push it. He was probably already upset and embarrassed enough. If it had been Roman he would be too._

 _"Alright buddy, let's get you to your room," Roman put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him as they began walking down the hallway. Randy told him where his room was and Roman made sure he got there. The whole thing was weird and awkward as hell._

 _He would've told Seth and Dean right when he got back, but when he did finally get back Dean was sitting on his bed watching T.V. and Seth was curled up on their bed fast asleep. Roman handed Dean the ice and asked if everything was okay. Dean told him Nikki had been by and Seth had gone to be her shoulder to cry on._

 _He wasn't gone long, but when he came back he was upset, but told Dean he was fine. Seth was one of those people that were super empathetic, and Dean guessed that's probably what it was. Roman agreed he had seen him get ridiculously worked up at the end of Titanic once, like actually crying. They all thought what was going on with Daniel and Brie was horrible, and Seth took everything straight to heart._

 _Roman just sighed, changed his clothes, and carefully pulled a beautiful sleeping Seth into his arms. He gave him a few gentle kisses before settling himself, and falling asleep with his fiancée wrapped tightly in his arms for what he was unaware would be the last time._

The next night his whole world was shattered. At the arena the only thing that really registered was disbelief. He barely felt the physical pain. Dean had taken a picture and posted it as some sort of proof as to what had happened, but he was in shock, he still didn't believe it. It was a nightmare he was praying to wake from soon.

It only really hit him when they got back to the hotel and all of Seth's stuff was gone. Save for one thing. Carefully placed on the pillow, on the side of the bed Seth always insisted on sleeping, was the engagement ring Roman had so proudly slipped on Seth's finger, and he had zealously accepted.

Roman had collapsed right where he stood. It was too much, it hurt beyond belief. He curled up into a ball and really cried for the first time since he was barely more than a child. It was like he was being torn apart from the inside out. It hurt so bad he vaguely wondered if he was dying. Hell, he wanted to.

Space and time ceased to exist. There was only pain, and it consumed him.

At some point he must've passed out while wrapped in his cocoon of agony. He woke up to Dean, who had slept on the floor beside him, gently shaking him awake. Just looking at Dean's crest fallen face had brought it all back.

To this day he didn't know how he managed it, but he made it to the arena. He was lost and broken, and Dean did his best the pull him back. He wouldn't have been able to go through with what they had to do that night, but once he caught sight to the damage Seth had done to Dean some of his pain transformed into fury. That fury was what enabled him to go through with it, and he relied on that fury still.

He often questioned what he had done wrong, but Dean and everyone else had assured him it was all on Seth, and he had let himself believe it. Now, that he knew otherwise it was all back, and this time he was going to have to go it alone. It was his fault, and that metal chair was nothing compared to what that unwanted awkward kiss would have done to his overly sensitive love bug. He should have punched Randy in the face concussion or not. Roman deserved everything he got and more.

Roman looked down at Seth feeling heartbroken all over again, and took a seat in a chair Lexie must've pulled up while watching over him just as he was now. His jealousy earlier now felt even more unjustified. Seth deserved everything, even if that was Lexie. He had no right to even remotely dislike her. She had protected Seth and taken care of Dean, which was more than he felt he'd done. The bad nullified the good.

He had ruined everything, but she could fix it. With the way she rattled of instructions making him feel like she wouldn't think twice about ending his life if something happened to Seth, and the way she sprinted down the hallway to check on Dean he knew she would take care of them. He was being torn apart all over again.

She would protect and take care of both of his; their boys. He loved them so much, but after everything he had done he didn't deserve them. They deserved everything and he was less than nothing. His eyes began to sting with his resolve. It was going to be so fucking unbelievably hard, but he always said he would do anything for them, and if this was that anything, then so be it.

A tear slid down his cheek as he tried to control it as not to wake Seth. He couldn't face him; he didn't have it in him. He prayed with everything he had as the tears cascaded down his cheeks that Dean would let go soon, so he wouldn't have to. He buried his head in his hands and really cried, thought this time silently, for the first time since that horrific night.

A whimper snapped him out of his pity party. He knew that whimper, Seth was having a nightmare. He reached over and brushed has hand across Seth's forehead just as he'd done so many times in the past. He had expected him to quiet down as usual, but that's not what happened.

Seth bolted upright startling Roman, and causing him to jump back. When Seth's head whipped towards him he braced himself for the yelling, cursing, and maybe even a physical attacked that were sure to come, but not for what actually happened. Seth let out a heart wrenching sob and launched himself into Roman's arms.

His worry completely overshadowed his confusion and shock. He automatically cradled the hysterical man in arms and let him burry his head in the crook of his neck. His heart was pounding and so much was running through his head, but none of it matter as much as making sure Seth was okay. He rocked him as best he could and tried to calm him.

A long intense couple of minutes went by with Seth unable to do more than sob. Roman was at a loss. He was used to Seth's nightmares, but none had ever garnered a reaction like this. Most of them were about zombies or vampires, one time even a mutant shark depending on what shitty scary movie Dean had forced him to watch, but nothing like this. He didn't know what to do.

Almost daily he thought about having Seth cradled in his arms again, but not like this. Seth was fucking terrified, and that terrified Roman. Another few minutes passed before he began to quiet down a bit, "That's it baby. You're okay. Whatever it was you're safe. I got you."

Roman continued murmur softly, and eventually much to his relief Seth began to hiccup. Past experience told him it was almost over. He breathed a sigh of relief, but still held onto him as tight as he could.

"Ro…R…Roman," Seth hiccupped unburying his face after what felt like an eternity.

"Yea, baby?" Roman said gently. If he wasn't so fucking worried he would be beaming at the tenderness in Seth's voice when he spoke his name.

"W…why are you…h…here?" He looked confused, then suddenly terrified again. "I…I'm d…dead, a…and now y…you're dead t..too! " Seth buried his face again, and resumed sobbing.

When Lexie had mentioned he might be loopy Roman expected Dean's new pet iguana loopy, not scared out of his goddamned mind loopy. Dean's crackpot theory popped up unbidden and Roman suddenly felt very cold.

"No, baby, we're not dead," he tried to laugh. "Lexie wouldn't let that happen, she cares about you. She just had to check on Dean" He tried to keep his voice as even and comforting as possible.

"N…no s…s…she doesn't. Sh…she…d…doesn't c…c…c…care about a…anyone. It's…its n…n…not in h…her pro…programing." Seth was a little difficult to understand, but Roman got the gist. Seth leaned back to look him in the eye, and the true terror Roman found shocked him. "D…don't t…tr…trust her! You…you c…c…can't! She w…wants you t…to, b…but you c…can't!"

"Babe, it's gonna be okay. It was just a nightmare," he said quickly rubbing his back hoping to quell Seth's panic, though his own was mounting now thinking of Dean.

"N…n…n…no!" Seth exclaimed and started struggling, so Roman held him tighter afraid he might hurt himself in his panic. "Promise!" He was practically shouting, and Roman had never seen him so afraid. "She w…wants t…to recruit y…you! You Have t…to s…say no! It's t…too d…dangerous for y…you!"

Roman had no idea what he was actually talking about, but if Seth was in _real_ danger he couldn't sit by and do nothing. "Baby, if someone is trying to hurt you…"

"NO!" Seth actually shouted now. "You c…can't. I'm s…s…safe, b…but you w…won't b…be, o…or D…Dean. She cares a…about the m…mission, o…only the m…mission, I'm t..the mission. You guys h…have t…to st…stay a…away! She'll protect m…me, n…not y…you!"

Roman was trying to process everything he was saying and make sense of it. What mission he was talking about he had no idea, and why only he was safe made no sense either. "Promise, you h…have to p…promise!"

"Okay, okay, I promise," Roman said quickly hoping to calm him, and thankfully it worked. Seth relaxed some with his promise, and though his tears were still falling he didn't seem as scared as he reburied his head.

Roman continued to rock him and kiss the top of his head as he attempted to puzzle together what the hell just happened. Seth had been truly terrified; there was no doubt about that, but what was real, and what wasn't? Seth was obviously drugged up, and having a nightmare, but the nightmare had to come from somewhere. Was Dean's conspiracy theory right?

The fact that it was at all possible made his blood run cold. Seth been so adamant and so worked up, that it was hard not to believe him even just a little bit. He'd also been adamant about not trusting Lexie too, when he obviously did. Everything was just getting all the more confusing.

"Bed," Seth muttered quietly pulling him out of the tangled web he trying to navigate.

Roman stood carefully bringing Seth with him. When he gently laid him on the bed Seth refused to let go. Roman hesitated for a brief moment, but then he remembered the old adage "here today, gone tomorrow" and climbed in with him.

Seth let out a contented sigh as he situated himself, and Roman was reminded of just how perfectly they fit together. Roman couldn't help pulling him in as close as he could possibly get, and kissing his forehead above his stitches. His heart soared and broke at the same time as Seth burrowed in farther with a sleepy beautiful smile on his face.

"I love you," Seth mumbled sleepily finally settling himself.

"I love you too, baby." This time he didn't hesitate even though this was probably going to wreck him later. It didn't matter to him right now. He pushed away all the other shit that had been weighing on him, because that didn't matter right now either. The only thing that mattered to him was the man he loved was falling asleep in his arms and that for the first time in a year and a half he felt whole again.

The door opening what could have been minutes or hours later made him look up. He had been mesmerized watching Seth sleep trying to absorb every little detail. Earlier when Dean asked he had been unsure the hell was really worth it, but as he lay here with Seth in his arms once again he absolutely believed it was.

"Hey," Lexie whispered smiling at them affectionately. "I'd have brought Dean with me if this is what I thought I'd find."

Roman thought the affection was real, but he thought he might've seen a little triumph in there too; but maybe he was just seeing it as a result of Seth's terrified ramblings. "He had a nightmare." Roman replied not really know what else to say blushing. "How's Dean?"

"He's good; I wouldn't have taken him for a cuddler. That boys got a grip like an octopus." she chuckled.

If it weren't for Seth's warnings he would have smiled. She seemed to be returning the affections that Dean so obviously felt for her. Sure he didn't ask permission to cuddle, but he didn't cuddle with just anyone either. "Yea, he does," Roman nodded a little uncomfortably. "I better get back. I don't want him to wake up alone. He doesn't like it."

Roman gently untangled himself from Seth who murmured, but remained asleep. He immediately felt like a part of him was missing as soon as he broke the contact. Lexie sort of frowned at him as he stood up, "He's not alone."

"What?" He would've been positive there was a twinge of jealously in her voice had Seth not made him suspicious. This was so fucking confusing.

"Paige stopped by," she said ruefully. "Apparently she doesn't trust me enough not to harm Dean and demanded I leave at once. I'm pretty sure she called you too."

He picked up his phone and he did indeed have 2 missed calls from Paige and 1 from Lexie. His next statement sort of slipped out with Paige's words ringing in his ears. "Would you?"

"Really, are you fucking serious?" She sounded mad and hurt, but Roman couldn't trust that.

"Seth said no to trust you," he told her honestly hoping to get a reaction that would tell him something.

"Was that before or after his "nightmare?" she questioned irritably.

"Does it matter?" He needed to stand his ground because he needed answers. Not only had Seth been absolutely terrified of what Roman thought might be her, but Dean was set up to get hurt as well. Her face didn't betray anything suspicious.

"I'm much more of a Ricin pellet in an umbrella kind of girl," she said sarcastically. "I don't leave witnesses either."

The sarcasm seemed genuine, but her eyes told him she was dead serious at the same time, and it gave him the chills. He just watched her for a moment wondering if he'd let all the crazy shit, personal feelings, and jealousy cloud his judgement. Even if that wasn't the case, could he trust his own judgement anymore? In the last 24 hours he had been about to make life altering and painful decisions for everyone involved, only to end up questioning it.

He could only be certain of a few things at this point. He absolutely didn't have the whole picture and… "Dean's my best friend, and despite everything I still love Seth. If you do anything to hurt either one of them so help me god I will…" Suddenly her eyes changed making his blood run cold despite the heat of his anger, and he was now also certain threatening her was a really bad idea, but if this was that anything, then so be it. "I will make you wish you'd never been born."

"That's what I'm counting on," she replied betraying nothing as she opened the door letting him know it was time to leave.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean sat on the bench in their locker room with his head in his hands doing his best to ignore the throbbing, but the dizziness and nausea were more problematic. He felt awful and the pain meds Lexie had given him this morning had worn off hours ago. He wouldn't complain though unwilling to put anything else on Roman who was an absolute mess.

The last 24 hours had been hard on both of them. Things they'd thought were dead and buried were suddenly resurrected. It was like his heart was being ripped out all over again, but it was still nothing compared to what Roman was going through. He wanted desperately to help, but didn't know how.

He remembered the night it all started. He just lay on the floor next to the whimpering mess that only hours before had been his best friend, completely lost. As he lay there he prayed, which wasn't something he'd ever done before, that he would somehow be able to fix it, and for strength not just for himself, but Roman too. It had all felt so hopeless. He had no idea how they made it through that night and beyond, but they did, and now they were getting fucked up all over again.

If last night wasn't bad enough apparently between singing West Side Story, begging for a slumber party, deciding he was getting a pet iguana named Rommy, and apologizing to walls he'd bumped into, he managed to put the idea in Roman's head that someone was trying to kill Seth.

It didn't help that in his inexplicable need to hear Lexie's voice he'd accidentally shut Roman's alarm off. As a result Roman ended up with Seth sleeping in his arms. It didn't matter if it was 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days it still would've set Roman back 18 months, and it did way more than that. It was worse this time and Dean didn't know why.

On top of that Seth had to freak the fuck out, hysterically crying until Roman promised not to trust Lexie, and then go and tell Roman he loved him like the little douche bag he was. Not that Dean doubted Seth loved Roman. There was no doubt in his mind about that. Hell, he still loved Seth despite everything. He didn't have to go and say it though.

Dean could think of no justification for what Seth had done that Dean would accept. Both he and Roman had spent the last year and a half clumsily stitching themselves back together. Everyone thought that Dean had freaked because he had some separation anxiety issue, but it had really been because of that first night.

Not only had his heart been ripped out when one of the only people he ever dared to love and trust beat him senseless, but he had to sit there all night and listen to Roman, the only other person he loved and trusted, cry. Even in his sleep Roman cried. He would've done anything to make Roman feel better.

Hell, he'd even kissed him once hoping some type of rebound would pull him out of it. Unfortunately or fortunately, it did nothing for either of them in that way. It was comfortable and nice, but sort of weird. Roman made him promise to never do it again, so he had to settle for ruining Seth's life as much as possible.

Then there was the whole Lexie thing. Regardless of how she made him feel, which was definitely unsettling, he wasn't going to trust her with or without that little shits warning. He'd seen eyes like that before basically growing up on the streets. One look into her eyes he knew she was dangerous, but he never imagined it would be in the way he was now fighting.

He would've said she had no soul if he hadn't felt it reach out and touch his own. He wasn't going to think about that right now though, or ever if he could help it. Roman had said Seth claimed he was her mission, well Roman was Dean's mission, and that mattered more than anything else in the world to him.

He needed to convince himself she was Satan, not maybe Satan: just Satan.

Roman pushed through the door looking like he might puke, or cry, or pass out, and that made Dean straighten up immediately. Dizziness hit him, but he didn't let it show, or tried not to. Roman frowned at him, but Dean gave him the best smile he could muster.

"Who's your match against?" Dean wasn't cleared for action, but Roman was.

"Don't have one," he shrugged, and the fact he didn't seem to care was not good.

"What do you mean you don't have one," Dean said indignant on his friend's behalf.

"Names on the no fly list," he shrugged again.

"For what?" Dean was a little confused. Roman had been hit too, but it wasn't bad enough to keep him from competing. "Doc cleared you last night."

"Another Doc put me on it," he sat down on the other bench. "Someone named Dr. Masters, I went and asked about it, and apparently it's a Psychiatrist."

"When did you see a Psychiatrist?" Dean didn't remember Roman going to see any doctors.

"I didn't, it's a mistake," Roman sighed. "I tried to get it fixed, but whoever it is, is legit. Worked for the FBI at some point, like that fucking matters, they think that maybe he meant to pull someone else, but they can't do anything about it now."

"Sorry, bro," Dean got up and put a comforting hand on Roman's shoulder, and tried to sound cheerful wondering what else could go wrong. "That means we can blow this Popsicle stand, and go get some beers."

"No," Roman rubbed his eyes, and he could see Roman's lack of sleep was catching up with him. "Owens has to issue a formal apology or some stupid shit and we have to be there, then we can go." Roman pulled out his phone to check the time. "We actually better go now."

He barely even looked at Dean as he got up and headed out the door. Dean stood up to follow rather unsteadily trying to fight the dizziness and nausea. He forced himself to push it all to the back of his mind telling himself he'd had worse and to suck it up. The only thought he allowed himself to have was that Owens was lucky he could barely see straight, or he would show him how he really felt about his apology. Lexie had the right idea last night he thought smirking, then quickly pushed it away.

"Satan, Satan, Satan, just Satan." He repeated his knew mantra worried forgetting about waking up with her in his arms was going to be harder than he thought.

Roman had decided to go down the ramp with him. He didn't say why, but he knew it was because he was worried Dean might not make it to the ring. Unfortunately the members of The Authority were already there. Roman ignored them, but Dean decided to growl at them as he leaned against the wall hoping to stay on his feet.

Seth had enough grace to keep his eyes to himself, but Satan didn't even try to make it look like she wasn't studying them. To Dean's surprise she looked a little worried. Roman had told him everything Seth said, and Dean had seen the coldness in her gaze himself, but it didn't mean his heart wasn't racing. He wondered if this was how Roman felt when he met Seth.

He inwardly chastised himself, there was no way in hell Satan was his Seth. Sure, she was beautiful, funny, smart and tough as nails, but he'd accepted long ago that there was no Seth out there for him anyway, and even if there was it wouldn't be her. He had Roman, his brother, and that was more than enough. He went to push off the wall and wait farther away to get some distance which turned out to be a horrible idea.

"Dean!"

How come Satan has the voice of an angel? He wondered as he slammed back into the wall to avoid falling face first on the concrete. A humph left him as the air was knocked out of his lungs and he began sliding to the floor. Arms that he automatically knew were Roman's caught him and gently lowered him.

Hands that he somehow knew were Lexie's cradled his face with a tenderness he'd never experienced and goose bumps broke out all over his body. It was unsettling and he was sure he mumbled "Satan" a few times, but she showed no sign she heard him. "Okay Pretty Boy, I need to look at your eyes."

He felt her lift his eyelid and then shine a painfully bright light in it causing him to jerk away, "I know baby," she said softly. "I'm sorry, but I have to."

Carefully she continued her examination murmuring soft apologies while he concentrated on the feel of her skin against his so as to avoid throwing up, or so he told himself. "Get him to the training room."

"I'm sorry buddy, hang in there." The strain and concern in Roman's voice was evident as he carefully lifted him off the floor causing him to let out a pained groan and his stomach to roll dangerously.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Triple H asked angrily.

"Training room," Lexie brushed him off as Roman held as still as possible to keep from making the nausea worse.

"What about the apology?" Owens asked as Dean opened his eyes.

"Kane?" The sweetness in Lexie's voice caused Dean an unwanted pang of jealousy as did the sparkle in the former demon's eyes when he looked at her in acknowledgement. "Be a dear, and punch Owen's in the face for us? A broken jaw would be greatly appreciated."

The look on the rest of The Authority member's faces was priceless and he couldn't help but laugh. He even felt Roman chuckle and saw Seth was fighting a smile of his own thought his eyes were glassy.

"You're not funny," Stephanie snapped disapprovingly.

"No," Lexie conceded. "I'm serious."

She gestured for Roman to go ahead and Dean tried to steel his stomach for the upcoming movement, but Roman was stopped before he could even get going by Triple H's angry voice, "Seth's not going anywhere!"

"You know the rules," Lexie's voice was deceptively calm considering she looked like she was trying super hard to keep it together. "Seth doesn't leave my sight, not even for you."

Dean waited for Triple H to tell her to go to hell, because that was obviously not a rule, and that's just how he was. She had left Seth alone with him and Doc when she went to go fetch their bags last night and for hours with Roman this morning.

"You're not fucking going anywhere either," he snarled at her.

"Fucking watch me," she growled back motioning for Roman to start moving.

"Get back here right now!" Triple H called after them and Dean imagined the vein in his forehead popping out of his angry red face.

"Bite me," she called over her shoulder without so much as a faltering step.

"I'm still your Boss goddamnit," Dean had never heard anyone sound so angry and defeated at the same time.

"Bite me, Sir," she corrected as they rounded the corner and Dean smiled despite everything else.

They walked as quickly as possible without too much jarring so as not to make Dean puke. Everything was eerily quiet save for their footfalls and what he was pretty sure was Seth sniffling. He couldn't see that it was him, because he had scrunched his eyes shut as soon as they began moving, but he knew that sniffling. It made his heart ache as much as his head. Stupid Seth.

Dean felt sort of lost and confused as he was gently laid on an exam table. Roman continually rubbed his shoulder unsure of what else to do with his hands seeking to do whatever he could to make it better, and stupid Seth continued to sniffle nearby, while Lexie rushed around barking out orders.

It was hard to concentrate on anything and he barely felt the needle as she inserted it into his arm cooing apologies and encouragements all the while. It felt so natural and good to have her fawning over him and to feel her tender touch that he felt the need to repeat his mantra. "Satan, Satan, Satan, just Satan."

He felt a warm tingling sensation just as he had the night before start at his head then flood the rest of his body. Mercifully the pain began to ebb immediately. "Okay sweetheart, you'll feel better in a little bit," she whispered softly her voiced laced with relief. "Hang in there baby, you're gonna be okay. Don't let him sleep yet, Rome."

He heard crinkling of plastic as she cleaned up and her footfalls retreat. He wanted to call to her and make her come back. His resolve was crumbling, but then he heard her murmuring to Seth telling him everything was going to be alright and he knew his brother needed the reassurances and he didn't want to be selfish.

"Don't do that," Roman chastised gently as he shook his head realizing he was falling back into that ridiculous fantasy that had caused so much trouble last night. The worry in Roman's voice made him stop and he decided to concentrate on Roman's breathing to occupy his mind.

He was concentrating on Roman's breathing and trying not to drift when the training room door banged open. "What the hell did I tell you about that shit?" Lexie sounded angry and he tried to sit up feeling much better now, but Roman held him down. Triple began to reply, but she cut him off. Deadly was the closest thing he could think of to describe her tone, "outside, now."

Three sets of footfalls told him Seth went with them and his curiosity peaked. He could hear raised voices, but same as yesterday he couldn't make out the actual words. He sat up again and pushed Roman's hand away when he went to push him back down determined to find out what was really going on. His I.V. line made it so he had to bring the whole wheelie thing with him as he crept up to the door as quietly as he could and pressed his ear to the door.

"Don't be fucking stupid," Lexie snarled. "This was your wife's idea. You're telling me you don't trust her?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying it's not fair to Seth!" Triple H sounded somewhat like a scolded child throwing a hissy fit.

"Fair to Seth?" Her voice sounded almost incredulous. "Since when has that ever fucking mattered to you?"

He heard Triple H huff and sputter, but Seth cut him off irritably. "You're the one that ordered me to listen to this psychopath, so you better listen too."

"Maybe I should…" Triple H started angrily, but Dean could tell he knew he was losing.

"You hired me because I'm the fucking best there is and you know it," Lexie growled. "Don't even fucking threaten to fire me, because we both know no one else can save your precious little fucking toy. You need me, you know it, so stop being a fucking prick and fighting me on this! We need Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum on our side to keep this little shit alive. You'll have to settle for jerking off for a while!"

"She's right," Seth cut in before Triple H could respond. "You know she's right."

It was quiet for a moment then Triple H's soft voice broke the silence, "I miss you."

"Me too," Seth's voice was a little clipped, but that didn't matter.

Dean felt his stomach drop at the pained choking sound that came from behind him startling him. He didn't even know Roman had followed him. Most likely to make sure he didn't pass out and crack his head open. As glad as he was to have overheard what he had, finally feeling like he was getting a handle on things, he would have done anything, anything to take back the fact Roman heard it.

Triple H's heavy tread stomping away spurred him into action and he shoved a completely dazed Roman back towards the exam table. He didn't want to be caught; they finally had the upper hand. Roman seemed too dumbstruck to even resist.

Dean's heart pounded, his eyes stung, he felt nauseous all over again and so many different emotions were storming inside of him it was dizzying. He pushed it all away as best he could and focused on Roman. Dean jumped up onto the table squeezing Roman's arm as hard as possible.

"I know it hurts brother, but we can't let them see it," he said firmly and resolutely. "You understand me?" Dean thought he might have to slap Roman, but a few seconds before the door opened Roman nodded though still out of it.

Dean laced his fingers with Roman's squeezing hard to keep him from spiraling out of control. "Satan, Satan, Satan, fucking Satan," Dean muttered angrily. "Fucking Satan is gonna pay."

* * *

An hour later they were sitting at the bar in the hotel lobby not speaking already on their third drink. They hadn't really said anything since they'd overheard Satan and her little minion. It was like it was happening all over again. Dean was grateful for the small gift that was Roman's dry eyes. He couldn't handle that right now, and was pretty sure he would actually murder Seth if Roman started crying.

They sat what outsiders would deem abnormally close, especially for two grown men, but neither one of them cared. They needed the comfort the physical contact offered. Dean's mind raced, and he tried to ignore the fact that this time hurt so much more than the last. He could tell it was the same for Roman.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Satan's voice sounded furious, but it didn't startle him, because he already knew she was there when the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Dean's own fury was almost overwhelming when he felt Roman stiffen beside him, but especially when his stupid heart started racing.

"Go the fuck away," he ground out unable to keep it neutral like he had planned. Turning around he found her eyes which were ablaze with what he had trouble believing wasn't real anger. In his peripheral he saw Seth standing a few feet back struggling with tears, and it just made him madder.

He wanted answers, but at the same time he didn't know if either him nor Roman could handle getting them. He was being pulled in two completely different directions and could see in Roman's eyes that he felt the same way. He was being torn apart all over again, but this time was different.

"I know what you think you overheard." Dean felt his jaw slacken at her angry words. "Yes, I fucking knew you were there. I could see your shadow under the door and I suggest unhooking the saline bag from the I.V. stand next time, especially if the wheels are as squeaky as that ones."

He stood there for a moment floored and out of the corner of his eye noticed that the dazed look had left Roman's face his mind was racing as well. She knew they were there but kept talking? Why if she was deceiving them would she let them hear their plan? He shook the thought out of his head because that didn't matter, he couldn't trust her; she was on Team Seth.

"Thanks for the advice," he growled turning back around picking up his drink because he didn't know what else to do. Part of him wanted to scream or cry, part of him wanted to beat Seth to death, and part of him wanted to grab Lexie and kiss her. This was fucking ridiculous.

She snatched his glass from his hand and slammed it back down on the bar making the whiskey he'd been drinking slosh around and splash out while ordering the bar tender to leave. Luckily, the bar was empty, and the bartender wasn't a hero, because even he was a little scared of what she might do.

"You owe me another drink," he said as evenly as possible trying not to let his shock or fear shine through.

"You may not give a damn about helping me keep Bambie alive, but at least care about keeping yourself alive," she growled pinning his back against the bar making his heart flutter. There were emotions he couldn't even begin to identify swirling in her crystal blue eyes, and he felt his stomach drop when she admitted someone was trying to kill Seth, but he forced himself to focus on his anger.

"Why the fuck would we worry about keeping that little shit alive?" He growled back getting in her face, but it didn't make her back down. A sob escaped Seth which felt like a sledgehammer to the chest, but he saw the pain crease Roman's features, and that's what resolved him in the matter. "He betrayed us for no fucking reason! All for a fucking belt that means nothing unless you fucking earn it!"

"Did he really?" She growled back and her conviction made him question his own statement.

"Lexie no," Seth cried out. "You promised!"

Tears were spilling down his cheeks and he sounded desperate. Roman tensed beyond what Dean thought was humanly possible, and suddenly Dean knew they all knew something they were keeping from him. He'd chocked it up to the morphine last time, but now he was certain. He shook it off deciding whatever it was it didn't matter right now.

"No Seth, shut up," she growled making him sob harder and he saw Roman take an almost imperceptible step forward before he stopped himself. "I told you loyalty was a double edge sword…"

"Yea, whatever the fuck that means," he growled back cutting her off, he didn't wanna hear it.

"Ask your brother, if he's man enough to tell you," she was pressing his back into the bar making it hard to concentrate.

"Lexie I said NO!" Seth suddenly shouted yanking her away from Dean forcefully, which seemed to snap her out of whatever it was that was running through her mind. They stared at each other for a second and it was like he could see their wills battling.

"I'm calling the police if you don't leave right now," the bartender's nervous voice broke their staring contest.

Lexie looked between him and Roman then back at Seth. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths that made him think she was doing the same breathing exercises she had walked him through last night. When she opened them again all the emotion he'd seen earlier was gone. It was chilling. She looked back over at him for a brief second before turning to the bartender that was standing in the doorway holding his cell phone up like a talisman.

"Don't bother we're leaving" she pushed Seth ahead of her and headed for the door. When she reached the bartender she stopped and glared at him while pointing back at Dean. "I gave him 10 ccs of morphine an hour ago. You've been officially informed you serve him one more fucking drink and I'll make sure you're fired and fucking charged. Understand?"

The poor man nodded quickly and darted away as fast as his short little legs could carry him. Dean didn't know if that was a real thing, but the look on the bartenders face told him it didn't matter either way he was scared of her. Seth let out another sob before she wrapped her arm around his waist careful to be gentle with him this time and led him out the door without looking back.

Dean just stood there blinking trying to process what just happened and wondered what the hell they'd been keeping from him. Could it be that bad? Seth sounded desperate, and Roman looked more crestfallen than he'd ever seen him, and with what they'd been through together that was saying something. Suspicion hit him at his thoughts and made him freeze.

Roman put some money on the bar and mumbled and apology before pulling Dean gently into his side and kissing his head. He looked up at his best friend and what he found in his eyes made his heart sink. He was keeping it together for Dean's sake right now, and suddenly Dean Felt beyond guilty for being even a little bit suspicious. Roman gently tugged him away from the bar and Dean burrowed into his side. Dean was so fucking confused and torn up inside he could do nothing more than follow Roman's lead.

Roman loved him and Dean loved and trusted Roman more than anything. Roman would tell him when he was ready he decided as they slowly made their way up the stairs in silent misery.


	7. Chapter 7

Seth was having trouble concentrating on the stupid fucking flash cards Lexie was making him study. They were pictures of emotions and he was supposed to guess; not guess, know what they were. She'd been making him do dumb shit like this for three fucking days now. Everyone in the pictures looked sad to him. She said that was because he was projecting and he needed to get the fuck out of his own head.

He was trying but he couldn't no matter what he did. The looks on Roman and Dean's faces after their last confrontation were engrained in his brain; he even saw them in his dreams. There was nothing he could do that would make any of it better, and he was definitely to the point where he just wanted to let it all go.

He wasn't going to say that out loud again though. Lexie had cured him of that when they'd gotten back to their hotel room that night. Seth had been so angry at her that his tears had stopped and he was shouting at her. After getting most of it out without any reaction, which was infuriating, he'd finally told her he just wanted to quit.

He swore he could almost feel her fury as impossible as that was. He was quickly reminded it was in fact impossible when a split second later her face was expressionless as she once again had a pistol pressed to his forehead. She offered to end it all right then and there if that's what he really wanted.

He knew she would do it too, if he really wanted it. The cold steel pressed against his forehead made him really think about it, and with her hand shaking slightly this time it was even more nerve wracking. It had made him see it wasn't what he wanted though, so he shook his head no, and promptly began sobbing hysterically. When he made his choice she held him and rocked him, until he finally calmed enough to fall asleep.

They talked at length when they got to her place in D.C. He made her promise not to bring Roman and Dean into it. She even apologized for almost breaking her promise not to tell Dean about Randy. Maybe he shouldn't believe her, but he did. Something was different. He didn't know what it was or how he knew it, but he could feel it.

"Alright Bambie," she sighed entering the small living room picking up one of the cards he'd flicked across the room in frustration. "What's this one?"

"Extreme irritation," he replied grumpily without looking.

"Well I guess it's time for a break since you're not taking this seriously," she frowned at him making him feel bad, but it still didn't make him want to do it.

"Why do I have to do this? That's what you're for," he folded his arms pouting.

"Because I may not always be here, and I need to know you can do this without me," she said seriously.

"Without you?" He narrowed his eyes at her tired of the cryptic shit.

"Yes, now let's go. We're gonna be late," she said shortly tossing him a jacket.

"Where are we going?" He suddenly felt a little excited because she hadn't let him go anywhere since they got here, she even had groceries delivered and cooked all their meals herself.

"My work."

Seth could have sworn she was nervous as she wove in and out of traffic, or maybe he was "projecting" again. He didn't say anything though, figuring it was better she concentrate on the road considering he was convinced they were going to die no less than 4 times already. He was curious to see where she worked though, so he concentrated on that trying to give his imaginary brake a rest.

Lexie parked two blocks from the building which didn't seem like anything special. It looked like any sky scraper in any city he'd ever been to, but when they got inside it was like they were going for a meeting with the President or something. They were searched, x-rayed, and they even opened the travel mug she'd asked him to hold. He half expected a cavity search. The Security Guards clearly knew who she was and treated her with great difference, which was automatically extended to him, but the whole thing made him uneasy.

After what felt like forever they bid them a good day, but Lexie ignored them. In fact she hadn't spoken a word to anyone since they'd arrived. Every person they saw greeted her, but didn't seem surprised with her lack of response. He was used to her surly manner, but she had definitely been using kid gloves with him.

They made it to a private elevator all the way in the back of the building. Lexie swiped an I.D. badge he'd never seen before and hit the button marked L. He found her behavior disconcerting, but decided to just follow her lead. When the doors opened he saw there was only one door. She stepped off casually, but then quickly grabbed him and pushed him over to the corner of the room.

"If they ask this is yours. I haven't had any." she said snatching the travel mug from him and taking a big gulp. He thought it should've burned her mouth, but she gave no indication. "Put your mask on Princess; get ready for your test."

He was baffled, but determined to prove himself. She gave him a reassuring squeeze and tugged him towards the lone door. This time along with the key card the computer screen on the door took her finger prints then scanned her iris. He suddenly had a feeling he might be in over his head.

"On time as always ma'am," a little guy in glasses and a lab coat smiled nervously as they entered the room. Lexie didn't acknowledge him. She strode across the room and Seth followed trying to look like he belonged there. She pulled off her coat and several other layers until she was in nothing but a sports bra.

"We don't have all goddamned day," she snapped making the little guy jump to whatever it was he was supposed to be doing.

Seth couldn't concentrate on what that was. He'd caught a glimpse of the scars on her shoulder, but was horrified to find she had even more; everywhere. Her front wasn't so bad. Well, not compared to her back.

Her front looked like she'd had a few very recent surgeries, which were the ones he'd caught a glimpse of. Then there were scars on her stomach where it looked like someone carved a pattern, along with small circles that could've been bullet holes or cigar burns. Those were just the obvious ones.

It was her back that made him want to throw up though. Along with large patches of scar tissue that he didn't even want to know how she got were jagged thick scars that looked like she had been fucking wiped. His eyes were tearing and he couldn't even bare to look anymore.

"Mask Princess," she growled snapping him back to reality. He tried to shake the horrible images that popped in his head. "Breath and push it away."

The command in her voice though it was barely more than a whisper helped forced him back into himself. Just as he regained control the Tech was ready to take her vitals. Seth tried to remain neutral as he watched him work. When he'd met Lexie's eyes they were telling him to keep his shit together.

"98.1," the Tech frowned at the thermometer, and then opened a pink folder. "It says here it's mandatory."

"Are you gonna make that call?" Lexie asked and Seth had no idea what they were talking about, but he knew this was a critical moment.

"Well…" The poor guy was actually sweating under her gaze, and Seth almost felt bad for him, but was really just glad she wasn't looking at him like that. "Dr. Schmidt wrote it personally. It looks like you missed your last one?" He waited for her to answer, but she just looked at him, "I'll make a call."

Seth didn't know how he knew it, but she wasn't happy about that decision. He watched as she quickly pulled a shirt on and covered the rest with the thick coat she'd worn. It was less than 5 minutes before the doctor arrived.

"Ah, Dr. Masters!" He said enthusiastically, and Seth felt his skin crawling. "It's been too long!" He waited for a reply, but she just looked at him like she had the Tech. "Loquacious as ever I see. Anyway 98.1, and you missed your last shot that's not good, not good at all."

Seth realized with a start they were talking about THE shot, as Dr. Schmidt picked up the pink file. He had the sudden urge to punch him in the face. Lexie was dangerous, but he could feel it in his bones this guy was actually evil. He felt relieved when he couldn't get a read on Lexie. That was definitely a first. He hated having to guess what she was doing and why all the time.

"Well," Dr. Schmidt put down the file and frowned at her. "I don't know, what do you think we should do?"

"I'd prefer not to die," she replied dryly.

"It's a tenth of a degree," he replied, and it sounded as though she hit a nerve, though he kept his creepy smile. "I think it should be safe enough."

Seth wanted to shout that safe enough wasn't good enough. He wanted to tell the creepy bastard to go stick his tenth of a degree up his ass, but this was part of his test, so he took his cue from Lexie and tried to look unconcerned. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew this is what she meant when she said she might not always be here. His eyes stung at the thought.

"Fine, but you'll be the one telling Hannigan you killed his most valuable asset because you didn't trust your own guarantee," she deadpanned.

"You missed last month," Dr. Schmidt defended his decision.

"The guaranteed allotment for field work is 8 months isn't it?" Lexie was eerily calm, but Seth felt nauseous.

"It is," Dr. Schmidt still sounded defensive.

"So what's the problem?"

"There is no problem." He snapped, but Seth was puzzled when he couldn't feel it. "I mean it's just you're not in the field, I don't think a tenth of a degree will make a very big difference."

"Tell that to Mac," she said simply, but there was a glint in her eye that made Seth's chest tighten.

"Fine, 4 weeks it is," Dr. Schmidt conceding this battle for what Seth felt was a very long war.

"Make it 5 we'll be in Europe that week," she didn't even glance at Dr. Schmidt as she carefully scooped up her coat as not to reveal all the extra garments. Seth fought to hold in his sigh of relief as Dr. Schmidt stared at them.

He prayed he looked calmer on the outside than he was on the inside, because he was really a mess. They were almost to the door when suddenly Dr. Schmidt called out to him. "Seth Rollins, isn't it?"

"That's me," Seth fought to keep his sudden tension out of his voice.

"You're the assignment?" Schmidt asked.

"Lexie prefers to call it babysitting," he said trying to sound as though he wasn't a fan.

"Condescending, isn't she?"

"An absolute bitch is more like it," he replied pretending like this was just any old promo, and the doctor actually laughed.

"But she's the best," Schmidt sighed seemingly buying Seth's hostility, while Lexie waited for him to finish.

"Not many people carry travel mugs anymore with a Starbucks on every corner," Schmidt got to the reason he stopped him.

"Tea," Seth responded shrugging. "Imported from China can't get it in the states."

Dr. Schmidt nodded again satisfied with his replies, "That's nice." He was now completely unconcerned with him. "Well, I'm a busy man; pleasure meeting you."

With that he turned, tucked her file under his arm and headed back the way he came. Seth didn't let his relief show as he and Lexie made their way back out of the building. He had a feeling she just escaped certain and probably very painful death.

As soon as they were back in her car he let it all out. His tears fell and he began to gasp for breath. Lexie gently opened his mouth and slipped a pill under his tongue. She rubbed his back softly encouraging deep breathes. He now knew exactly why they'd parked two blocks away.

It took some time for him to calm down, but by the time they arrived at Lexie's apartment his eyes were mostly dry and his breathing was even. She told him to go take a shower and get in his pajamas while she made dinner.

Clean and dressed for bed he padded out to the kitchen. Though the medicine she'd given him was making him feel relaxed, just the memory of the fear and her scars were enough for him. He was unsure how to express what he was feeling, especially with Lexie, but he settled for what he would do with any other person he cared about as much as he very recently discovered he cared about her.

"Hey Bambie, how you feeling?" she asked gently leaning back into him as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He could actually _feel_ her contentment making his heart feel lighter, so he nodded. "I'm sorry I had to do that today."

"I was so scared." It slipped out before he could stop it.

"You did amazing," she turned to face him and gently brushed his cheek showing him her sincerity, and he pressed his lips to her forehead, because he suddenly felt grateful.

Seth couldn't help but smile as she melted into him, though it was not what he expected. It wasn't sexual or anything, but it was comfortable and intimate. He thought about how he almost lost her today. She would've taken the shot without batting an eye, and he knew it would've been to protect him.

"He's evil isn't he?" Seth asked thoughtfully after a moment unsure how to describe it any other way.

"What makes you say that," she asked curiously.

"I dunno… I could feel it, I guess," he wasn't sure how to explain it, but he knew he was right.

"Feel it how?" he frowned at her unable to think of a way to describe it.

"I dunno…"

"Just try," her seriousness took him by surprise.

"He's like you, but not," he scrunched his face in concentration. "You're dangerous, but you don't hide it, you know... he does. Like he uses it or something…" he trailed off unsure he was explaining it right.

"You could tell he was like me?"

"Yea," Seth sort of shrugged and her face lit up.

"You're an Empath!" She said suddenly excited letting go and pacing the kitchen. "It's the other key! I didn't see it because I thought all the crying was about dying before you could make up with Roman and Dean... but it wasn't; God an Empath! Even I'm wrong sometimes."

She chuckled to herself, but he had no idea what she was so excited about. To him being overly sensitive to not only his own, but other people emotions had always been a burden. People often teased him growing up because he was a "cry baby". It's how he got into wrestling, to prove he was tough.

"What's that mean?" he asked after a few minutes of her pacing back and forth.

"It means no more fucking flash cards!" She grabbed his face in both her hands and planted a kiss right on his lips. He was slightly worried now, because she was over the moon. She stopped abruptly, "you can feel mine?"

"Kinda, but yea I guess. I don't know you don't always have feelings…" he was getting confused, and then it clicked. "You missed you're last shot, wait doesn't it last 8 months?"

"So they say," she rolled her eyes. "Schmidt's and idiot, because he was born that way, he doesn't understand desire is just as important as everything else; otherwise you wind up with a very damaged person instead of a super soldier."

"It's more than a shot?"

"I don't want to get into all that right now, but it's sort of like desensitization," the way she said it made him think of her scars and he didn't want to get into that ever. "That doesn't matter, what matters is we can hone your skills."

"Skills?" How could that be a skill?

"It's how I do it, well did it before… well anyway this makes everything much easier. You can feel if someone's being genuine, you don't have to be able to recognize it, because you can feel it." She was pacing again, and after over a week with hardly getting anything from her, all this was a little dizzying.

"Why can I feel so much from you now?" He knew she was thinking, but the whole thing was kind of puzzling.

"I'm not 100% sure, because this is a new development," she thought for a moment. "My theory is it's partially because it's a choice, in essence I'm letting you, and the shot just creates a sort of switch as you said. You can choose to feel or not to feel, as long as you have control over your interpretation of the chemicals your brain releases. It helps I was an Empath like you, I dunno I haven't had much time to think about it, it's never happened before… it's all very recent."

"How recent?"

"We can thank Owens," she smirked at him, and he couldn't help but let his spirits lift with hers.

The next half hour was spent with her explaining about Schmidt and his grandfather who was a SS doctor, and Project Paper Clip, which was a government program bringing German scientists here after the war. She didn't get into details but the original Doctor Schmidt was involved in creating "super soldiers". Every country had a "super soldier" program, but Germany was by far the farthest along. They were apparently the farthest along with everything.

She also finally explained the temperature thing. For some reason if your body temperature was above 98 within the first 24 hours of receiving the shot then it was "bye, bye, birdie" in the most painful way imaginable apparently. He thought of the glint in her eye when she mentioned Mac. It was a lot of information to take in, and soon his eyelids were drooping.

She finished cleaning up while he went and got into bed, but not before begging her to sleep with him. He hated sleeping alone, and though it made her a little uncomfortable she conceded, knowing today was going to probably give him nightmares. As tired as he was he couldn't fall asleep until she crawled in bed with him.

He situated himself with a contented sigh and it probably looked a little strange because he was so much bigger than her, but he rested his head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. "Bambie?"

"Mmm," he acknowledge sleepily.

"I can't tell you everything all the time, it's not safe, but you're as smart as you are pretty, so I need you to be able to read me, especially me, no matter what. You need to promise you'll do the training and really try, it's more important than you know."

He blushed a little remembering the flash cards he'd flung all over her living room, "Promise."

"There's a false bottom in my suitcase," she continued. "Pull out the seam and there's a burn phone, if anything happens to me, but especially if they force the shot you call Gavin. It's the only number in there. You need to tell him I'm pretty sure the fox is in the hen house and tell him…" she trailed off unsure she wanted to say the next part, "Tell him Mac was right and it's chaos."

"I won't let them give it to you," Seth sat up horrified at the thought.

"You have to and you will," she said firmly. "Bambie, I may not be evil, but I'm not a good either. I've done things, horrible things, there's no coming back from it, but I promise you no matter what I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. If that includes giving my life then okay, it won't make up for anything, but you're worth it."

His eyes stung at her words and he didn't think he could speak. The depths of her sadness struck him just as much as her words, and he knew he couldn't take that from her, so he nodded. They were quiet for a moment, and he thought she might be done so he did his best to relax again.

"Bambie?" She waited for him to nod so he did letting her know he was still awake. "I think you should tell Roman and Dean."

He stiffened a little. It was too dangerous for them and he wouldn't put them in danger. "If this is another one of your ramblings about the mission might change…"

"Relax," she sighed. "No, though that's important too, but it's about them. They love you and care about you. It's not fair to them. You're taking something from them you can't give back. God forbid something happens to you what will that do to them? Would you want them to do that to you? Never give you a chance to say good bye? To make it right? The bad stuff doesn't matter one iota once someone's gone, trust me I know... Just think about it."

Seth hadn't thought about it that way, and no he definitely wouldn't want them to do that to him. It would haunt him forever if that something happened to one of them and things were left as they were now, but at the same time he knew if either one of them was in danger, he would drop everything to be by their side. He didn't want them to get hurt, but was it fair to take that opportunity from them, even if it was to protect them?

Protecting them was what he wanted and suddenly it felt selfish, wasn't that their decision? He would definitely want to know, no matter how dangerous it was for him, that wouldn't matter... fuck. Why was everything so complicated?

His least favorite game, the lesser of the two evils, was dancing in his head as his eyes finally closed.


	8. Chapter 8

It had to have been the longest few days of Roman's existence. He was terrified for Seth. Lexie had come right out and said it. He was sure his heart stopped beating for at least 30 seconds. There were no more maybes about it; she was here to keep Seth alive. He worried every minute of every day that he was going to return to work and someone was going to tell him the love of his life was dead. He'd picked up his phone a thousand times and dialed his number, but didn't have the courage to press send.

They didn't discuss it, but with the recent shit storm both he and Dean were unwilling to leave the other alone. They spent the entire time in Vegas drinking themselves into a stupor and avoiding talking about anything. His confession was on the tip of his tongue every five minutes, but he couldn't do it. Not with Dean in that state. He deserved the truth, but Roman was afraid the truth might kill him.

After all the shitty things that happened, his little love bug was protecting him on top of everything else. He had stopped Lexie from divulging their secret, and though he didn't know Seth's exact reasoning for never telling anyone, he was positive it was to protect him in some way. He was also positive Lexie's actions in the bar weren't an act at all. Whether Roman trusted her or not, Seth's reaction to it told him she had actually lost control. It was more terrifying than anything he'd yet to see; still Seth had stopped her. It was another thing Roman didn't deserve.

It was all piling up and he was neck deep in shit. He paced up and down the hallway tugging on his hair in a deserted part of the hotel where the conference rooms were trying to straighten it all out. Dean had crashed as soon as they arrived at the hotel, but Roman still couldn't sleep. He was beyond tired, but he needed to talk to Seth. He just didn't know how, or what to say.

He still didn't have the full picture, but he had to try and fix it. They were running out of time. How he was going to do that he had no fucking idea. It was going to probably be his end, but he couldn't worry about that. He needed to worry about the two people who meant the most to him and what was best for them.

"This is stupid," a familiar irritated voice made his heart skip a beat. "I'm covered in lip stick! You have like none."

"That's because you're hesitating," Lexie's voice responded. "You have great reflexes, use them. You need to learn to feel for it, use what you have. Aim for arteries, I made you memorize where they were for a reason."

"It's not fair, you can kill someone with a fucking teacup," Seth whined irritably.

"Killing someone with a tea cup isn't that hard," she laughed. "Smash it and stick a chard in their jugular."

"See what I mean? Who the hell thinks like that?" Seth scoffed, and Roman felt a chill run up his spine. "I'm not like you. I would never think to do that."

"Well, you better start," Her tone was suddenly very serious.

"It's too hard, I'll never beat you," Seth huffed. "Maybe I can beat someone else, you're too good."

"You need to be able to beat me, Bambie," she replied sternly. "What if it's someone like me? You gonna tell them it's not fair, or it's too hard? Anyone worth their salt would have your throat in 30 seconds. You promised me you would actually try."

Roman's stomach rolled. They were talking so casually about someone slitting Seth's throat it made him nauseous and his eyes sting.

"I am trying," Seth insisted irritably. "I'm not a psycho assassin…"

Seth stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of Roman standing there dumbstruck as they rounded the corner. Roman might've laughed at how ridiculous Seth looked, that is, if he didn't think he would puke if he so much as opened his mouth. Lexie had a few spots here and there, but Seth was covered in bright red lipstick. He had it all over his skin and clothes; everywhere. Some of his blonde hair even had red in it. He looked ridiculous, but at the same time it was fucking terrifying, the red reminded him it could be blood. If Roman was right she was trying to teach him how to fight with a knife, and Seth would be dead 20 times over; at least.

They looked at each other for a moment, and Roman's heart was racing a mile a minute. He needed to speak, but he couldn't, he didn't know what to say. Seth turned to Lexie who gave him a small smile and an encouraging nod without him saying a word. The big green monster reared its ugly head. It bothered him that they could communicate without words when he had no idea what Seth was thinking anymore, even when he actually spoke.

"Rome," Seth said nervously after a moment. "Can we talk?"

Roman nodded once. He saw Seth breathe a sigh of relief, and look at Lexie who gestured towards the way they came. "Fifteen minutes," She gave him another reassuring smile, and squeezed his arm, before Seth gestured for Roman to follow him. Roman complied with his heart in his throat. This could be the beginning or end of everything, and he could barely breathe.

They stood there awkwardly. There was so much to say, but they had no idea how to say it. That fact alone made Roman's chest ache. It used to be so effortless, as easy as breathing, and now they were at a point where they were asking permission to talk to each other. That was all on him.

"Seth," he decided to be the one to bite the bullet. "I'm so fucking sorry. I fucked up…"

"Rome, it doesn't matter," Seth cut him off gently taking a few steps forward pressing his index finger to Roman's lips to quiet him. Roman swallowed hard. "None of that matters anymore, not to me. Whatever happened, I forgive you…" Roman's heart fluttered at his words, and he wanted to say something; anything, but Seth continued. "I didn't ask to talk to you so you could apologize; I wanted to apologize to you."

That was the last thing Roman expected. Why would Seth be apologizing to him? "For what?"

He saw the other man shiver as his lips moved against his finger, and he tried to shrug it off. It was stupid but Roman fought not to smile, this wasn't the time for that. "I made a rash decision I've regretted every day since…"

"You had every right…"

"No Rome, let me finish," he could see their closeness was affecting Seth as much as it was him, but neither moved away. Seth was still the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen even with his bruises and red lip stick streaked across his face. He felt Seth's warm breath dance across his lips as he let out a deep breath trying to regain control.

"This is so fucking hard for me," Seth frowned. "I wasn't going to tell you, I wanted to, but I didn't want to put you or Dean in harm's way. I still love you both so fucking much. That's why I told you not to trust Lexie…"

Seth's eyes were watering and Roman could see just how difficult this was for him, but also knew he needed to keep going and get this all off his chest.

"She's not bad, but she's not good… it's complicated, but I owe her a lot. I really care about her, you know?"

Roman felt his heart sink. His sudden pain must've shown on the outside, because suddenly Seth's hands were on his waist and even through his shirt he felt the spark that always accompanied Seth's touch.

"It's not like that baby," he assured him and Roman felt relieved seeing he really meant it as his heart fluttered again at hearing Seth call him baby. "She's my Dean," he explained and Roman nodded his understanding. "She thinks we need your help, and I didn't want you helping…"

"I want to help," Roman cut in quickly feeling the need to make that known.

"Let me finish!" Roman couldn't help his smile at the familiar bratty tone, and he even saw the corners of Seth's mouth turn up before they dropped again as he continued softly. "I didn't want you involved it's too dangerous, but she helped me see that wasn't my decision. It was selfish even though it was to protect you guys… that wasn't my call, and I'm sorry I tried to make it that way."

He felt like ice water had been dumped over his head. That was the same excuse he used for not telling Dean.

"A lot has happened, a lot of bad stuff, but none of that matters anymore, at least to me. You and Dean are so important to me, you're everything to me." Roman felt his heart swell. "I know she'll do anything including giving her own life to make sure I'm safe, but there's that slim chance and I have to make it right… if you'll forgive me. I was awful…" Seth's eyes were down cast and he let out a quiet sniffle.

Roman couldn't stop himself. He reached out and grabbed Seth pulling his body flush against his own causing that oh so familiar heat to spread like wild fire. This wasn't the time for that he scolded himself.

Seth wanted his forgiveness it was unfathomable, and he even looked like he was afraid he wasn't going to get it. Roman wanted to leave no doubt in Seth's mind he had that, and so much more.

He used his fingertips to tilt Seth's head up slightly so as to make sure he wasn't about to make things harder on Seth. There was a familiar fire in Seth's eyes he took as permission. Carefully he lowered his head giving Seth time to push him away before he pressed his lips to his. It was everything he remembered and so much more.

The spark he'd always felt when they touched even in the most platonic of ways turned into a grand finale's worth of fireworks. He heard Seth's breath hitch which made him start to pull back a little just in case. Immediately Seth's hands left his waist and were quickly tangled in his hair pulling him back down. Seth's lips were soft and just as perfect as ever as they moved in tandem in his own.

It was so familiar, yet so different. Seth kissed him with such urgency it was almost desperate; it matched his own. Seth's tongue darted out caressing his bottom lip asking permission for entrance, which he granted without a second thought. Their tongues danced as they pulled each other as close as possible. It was like they were trying to make two, one.

Time and space ceased to exist, but this time his cocoon was made of bliss. He could feel Seth's hardness pressed against his own through his jeans and he wanted so badly to rip away the fabric that separated them. He fought the urge, though he did let his hands roam. The sexy little whimpers that escaped from Seth were making his resolve crumble, and then it shattered when Seth took control and slammed him up against the wall.

He reached down grabbing the hem of Seth's shirt and pulled it shirt over his head before doing the same to his own. Seth's hands were everywhere, and it felt so fucking good, as his heart raced faster, and faster. Another moan escaped as he retook control and spun them around pinning Seth this time. His voice was husky and breathless. "I love you so much Seth. I love you so fucking much."

Seth didn't respond with words he just bit down on Roman's lower lip with the perfect amount of pressure, just how he liked it. He didn't need to hear his words because he could feel it, and it was intoxicating. Seth shoved him back a little, just enough to jump up and wrap his legs tightly around his waist, and he promptly shoved his back up against the wall causing Seth to moan into his mouth as he reclaimed his lips. It was all going straight to his cock which was already straining against the denim begging to be released.

They were so caught up in each other and what they were doing they barely heard the door slam open, but it was enough to make them freeze. "Oh shit," Lexie laughed and Roman swore she was blushing just as much as he was, while poor Seth looked like a deer in head lights. "The third bang had me worried, my bad. I forgot you were into that rough shit."

"Lexie!" Seth unhooked his legs blushing brilliantly pushing Roman back a bit.

"I said I was sorry" she laughed again. "Carry on gentlemen," she went to leave then quickly turned back to them. "Is the 15 minutes enough time or do you need more? Should I wait farther down the hallway? I'm sure Seth's a screamer…"

"Oh my fucking god!" Seth was mortified, but Roman had to smile a little. She could give Dean a run for his money, "Lexie, what the fuck!" Seth snatched his shirt from where Roman had tossed it, and grabbed Roman's for him too. When Seth turned back to glare at Lexie he let out an indignant huff. "Eyes off my man, find your own!"

Roman blushed a deeper shade of red when he noticed Lexie's eyes roaming up and down his body unabashed, "Oh come on Bambie; don't knock it until you try it."

Roman couldn't tell if she was serious or not until she winked at him while Seth huffed again struggling with his shirt. Roman laughed deciding to play along even though her interruption resulted in some physical discomfort, "You know babe; it might be fun… Lexie's pretty hot. I might be able to get into that, you know?"

The look on Seth's face was priceless as he stopped struggling with his shirt. Roman was unsure who he looked like he wanted to strangle first, him or her. Both he and Lexie started cracking up unable to hold it in anymore as Seth looked between them trying to decide. Realization that they were joking dawned on him and he stomped his foot like a child. "I hate you both!"

"Aw baby we were joking," Roman wrapped his arms around Seth pulling him against him after he finally managed to slip his shirt over his head. Seth pouted and tried to be mad but he saw him struggling with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," Seth melted into him after a split second and kissed him before turning back to Lexie, "Mine!"

"All yours," she held up her hands laughing at his possessiveness. Roman laughed too, and he felt like he was on top of the world again, his heart was bursting with a joy he never thought he'd feel again. "Rome, I do have to say though, red is definitely your color."

She was referring to the fact that the lipstick on Seth's face was now on his too, but it reminded him of Dean who had said something similar about Lexie not long ago and it made his stomach drop. The jovial mood in the room immediately soured and he knew they were all thinking the same thing. Poor Dean.

"You don't have to," Seth said softly. "Just make sure he knows I love him."

Roman's heart broke as he fell from the top of the world. The same logic that had brought Seth back to his arms was going to rip Dean from them. It wasn't fair to Dean, and it wasn't his choice to make.

"I do," Roman said resolutely taking Seth's hand and leading him towards the door afraid he would lose his courage.

Lexie looked nervous and worried, and Seth looked crest fallen, but he wasn't going to take the same opportunity from Dean that he was so grateful Seth afforded him. They exited the room with heavy hearts, even Lexie.

"I love you," Seth told him gently with a little peck.

"I love you too," he replied, "with all my heart no matter what."

Seth nodded with unshed tears in his eyes as Roman kissed him again, before hugging him for a long while feeling his tears soaking into his shirt. Roman pulled back steeling himself for what he was about to do knowing it was going to destroy someone he loved very much. He couldn't delay any longer. As he went to walk past her Lexie grabbed him.

"Rome," she said in a way that made his chest tighten with a surprising surge affection. "It'll work out. He'll come around, but until he does, I'll take care of him."

Her words were simple, but they spoke volumes to him. She was letting him know she would pick up the pieces for him if need be, and he believed her. She was making this as easy as possible on him, and for that he was eternally grateful. Without hesitation he wrapped her little body in his arms and squeezed her tight. She stiffened at first, but hugged him back with the same fervor letting him know he wasn't alone.

"Thank you," he breathed kissing her forehead as he set her carefully on her feet. He gave them both a weak smile before he turned to go do one of the hardest things he would ever have to do in his life; break Dean's heart.

* * *

The walk back to their room took forever and no time at all. He had no idea how he was going to say what he needed to say, but was pretty sure no matter how he said it he was going to get punched in the face, which he absolutely deserved.

He didn't think he'd be able to do it if there wasn't someone to cushion the blow, if Dean even let them. That was a new terrifying possibility. Even the affection he knew Dean felt for Lexie might not be enough if he couldn't forgive Seth for the rest. He couldn't take this from him though; it wasn't his choice to make. He took a deep breath before he pushed open the door knowing he kept silent long enough.

"What the hell happened to you?" Dean was awake, he had no more time. "You decide to start batting for our team again?" Roman shook his head no unable to keep the sadness from his eyes and Dean saw it. "What's wrong with you?" Suddenly he stood up looking very angry seeing Roman's eyes were wet. "What did Satan and her minion do…"

"Nothing," Roman cut him off, his nerves made his voice louder than he intended, so he softened it. "Nothing, it's not them. They're… they weren't in the wrong at all, and we were wrong about Lexie. I was in the wrong Dean… I love you so much you know that right?"

Dean now looked extremely concerned and made his way over with the intention of comforting him, "Roman, what's this about?"

"Dean, just don't" He stepped back when Dean put a comforting hand on his shoulder unable to handle it knowing he didn't deserve it. Dean's face fell and he looked so hurt, and as much as Roman wanted to comfort him he couldn't, it wasn't right with what he was about to do. "It's… it's about why Seth left."

He still looked hurt, but somehow Roman knew Dean knew this was coming, but it didn't make it any easier. Roman took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"That night, after Payback when I went to go get the ice I saw Randy… and… and I don't know what actually happened, but he was dizzy… and I was trying to hold him up. He said some weird things, he was looking at me weird and then… and then… he kissed me… and… and Seth saw it. That's why he left Dean; because of me… it was all my fault…"

It was choppy and it came out in a rush because he didn't think he could do it any other way. He opened his eyes, but couldn't even look at Dean. He was too much of a coward. It was quiet for the next minute or so, and he knew he couldn't put it off. He finally looked up deciding he owed it to Dean. What he found made him feel the exact opposite of how he'd felt earlier with Seth.

Dean was standing there seemingly in shock; his eyes were filled with tears. The only emotion Roman could really pick up as he watched his best friend was a sadness he felt all the way in his soul. This was so much worse than him yelling and cursing while taking swings at him. He would take yelling and cursing over tears any day; a broken jaw would be better than this.

"Dean I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't know he saw it until the other night. I didn't even kiss him back, I didn't want…"Dean's hand went up as a tear slid down his cheek effectively cutting him off just as well as any fist. His tears were worse than any fist. Hell, they were worse than being hit by a bus.

Roman remained quiet knowing he didn't deserve to even defend himself as Dean's watery eyes darted back and forth in his head like he was struggling to make sense of it all. Roman would do anything to take away the pain and sadness Dean was feeling right now, but there was nothing he could do.

"You lied to me." Dean's voice was thick with tears and hurt and disbelief. "You lied to me…" Dean started pacing and pulling on his already messy hair. "You… it was you… I thought this whole time it was me… Seth loves you so much, it couldn't have been because of you… but it was… I… I can't"

Dean's tears fell in earnest now, and Roman had no idea what to do as his own tears fell. Normally he would hug him and hold him until he calmed down, but this time Dean's tears were because of something he did, and that was so unbelievably fucking painful. He could do nothing to help and it was killing him.

"Dean," he finally said when he couldn't take it anymore and stepped towards him. He had to try. "I love you, you know…"

"Don't!" Dean suddenly shouted jerking away from him. He looked at Roman hard for a long moment. "Don't I just… I can't"

With that he turned and walked out the door not even bothering to take his room key. When the door banged shut behind him Roman sunk to the floor where he stood. He was being ripped apart again and again it was all his fault. He loved Dean so fucking much, and now he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean had no idea where he was going when he left; he just had to get away. This whole fucking time he had been blaming himself for all the pain. He thought Seth left them because of him, because he could be such a handful sometimes, just like everyone left because of him, but it was because of Roman.

Roman caused all of them so much goddamned heartache, and fucking lied about it. Roman let him believe that Seth didn't love him and thought he wasn't worth it. So much so, that Seth was willing to leave his fucking soul mate to get away from him. Dean had never felt so fucking worthless in his whole existence, and with the way his life had gone that was saying something.

Roman sat back and watched them almost demolish each other in front of the whole world. He never said one goddamned word about it as Dean was barreling towards self-destruction. Dean had done it for not only his pain, but mostly Roman's; pain Roman was apparently responsible for. He didn't care right now that Roman didn't know Seth saw it or that Roman had never kissed Randy back. They'd spent hours on end contemplating the why and not one fucking word.

Seth had never said a goddamned thing about it either. A fucking year and a half not one word from either of them. It was mind boggling and so fucking painful it was making it hard to breathe. Dean wanted answers, and he wanted them right fucking now. He had waited long enough. He had no idea where he was going when he left, but now he knew exactly where he needed to go.

Dean pounded on the door in no mood to pretend he wasn't hurt beyond belief and mad as hell. The only two people in his whole miserable life he was sure he could count on stabbed him in the back. Satan seemed to be the only one who thought he deserved the truth; she had tried to tell him. His heart raced as he pounded again finally sure he was going to get all the answers he needed good, bad, or indifferent.

"Dean," Lexie's voice was gentle and sad when she finally opened the door, but she seemed to know he'd be coming. His anger ebbed and suddenly he felt like he was going to cry again as she reached out and took his hand intertwining their fingers. It was funny how she went from Satan to lexie with one touch. Roman had said they'd been wrong about her, and he suddenly wished that was true more than he wished for anything ever, but Roman was a liar, so he forced himself to focus on his anger.

"I want answers," he snapped, but didn't have it in him to pull his hand out of hers. Somehow it felt like her touch was grounding him. She gave him a sad smile and his hand a reassuring squeeze as she nodded opening the door farther for him to come in.

Seth was sitting on the far bed looking down at his kindle probably binging on some obscure T.V. show. He used to always try and make him watch them with him as payback for all the crappy scary movies. The familiar scene and memories that came along with it made the hurt swell back up almost overshadowing his anger. So much was the same, yet so fucking different.

Almost, that was until he realized Seth, just like Roman though much more, had smudges of red lipstick on his skin as well as his clothes. His eyes darted to Lexie who squeezed his hand again when she felt him tense, and saw she had some smudges as well.

His new anger was for very a different reason, but he rolled with it. Anger was so much easier than the pain. Seth walked towards him looking all doe eyed and innocent. Dean almost shouted at him, demanding to know why the hell him, Roman and Lexie were all smudged with red lipstick, and how the fuck it happened. He stopped himself though, because the fact that concerned him made his cheeks flush, so he focused on why he was here.

"Dean…" Seth said cautiously, which made him even angrier, or maybe he just wanted to be angry so he wasn't hurting so fucking much.

"No," Dean snapped pulling his hand out of Lexie's because he was having trouble concentrating on his anger with her rubbing small circles on his palm with her thumb. "I want answers Rollins, real fucking answers!"

"I'm sorry," Seth kept walking towards him. "I had to go. I couldn't handle it… it hurt so fucking much…"

"You never fucking told me why!" Dean was shouting now.

Did Seth think that Dean wouldn't have had his back? Yes, he loved Roman too, but they could have talked it out; they were brothers. He would've understood if he wanted to leave, he didn't have to do what he did. Dean knew what it was like to be tossed aside like a used tissue. To have people you loved break your heart. His own father left him before he barely even took his first breath and his mother should have considering the way she treated him. If anyone could understand Seth's pain it was Dean.

"You made me feel like it was me," he shouted. "You told everyone, the whole goddamned world, I wasn't worth it Seth! You broke my fucking heart!" It was all pouring out with his rising anger.

"Roman needed you Dean…" Seth voice was cracking as his eyes filled with tears.

"Roman the fucking liar needed me?" Dean knew it was true, but it was bullshit, because Roman needed him Seth had almost destroyed him? "So I guess my fucking pain didn't matter? Roman's mattered more? Is that why you fucked me up so bad with that stupid chair, because you couldn't do it to Roman? Even after what he did he mattered more than me?"

"No you moron!" Seth was angry now and moving closer. "I had to leave, and I was fucking leaving no matter what! You wouldn't have come with me where I was going. If I fucking told you the truth you would have been just as much alone as I was! You would have blamed Roman and you both would've fallen the fuck apart." Seth actually got in his face, but Seth's anger only made Dean's fire burn stronger.

"You did it to protect me?" Dean's voice was laced with skepticism and anger. "How were you fucking protecting me by beating me senseless then lying about it for a fucking year and a half?"

"Dean, I didn't know Rome wasn't going to fucking tell you, and I couldn't even talk about it! I never told anyone! I did what I did with the chair, because in some twisted way I hoped that when Roman told you that would pull you on his fucking side! What the fuck would have happened to you if you didn't have Roman? I pretty much spelled it out for you when I said you would be lying in a ditch somewhere within a week of being on your own. You needed each other idiot!"

Dean was thrown off by his reasoning because it was so true. Dean would never have joined The Authority with Seth and if Roman confessed back then Seth's vicious attack would have pushed him towards Roman. The little shit was making sense and that made him mad, so he grasped for another straw.

"You didn't even have the balls to fucking talk to us, me about it!"

"What the fuck was I going to say?" Seth countered. "Hey Dean I'm leaving because I saw Roman jam his tongue down Orton's throat and he doesn't fucking love me even though he asked me to be his husband less than a fucking week ago. How the fuck would that have helped?"

"You would've found out he does fucking love you, that he was just trying to help when Randy almost cracked his fucking head open because he was dizzy from a fucking concussion, and that he never fucking kissed Randy, Randy kissed him you douche bag! You should have fucking talked about it because Roman would have told you all of that, and we could've beat Randy with a fucking steel chair, instead of you and Randy mugging us. Roman would never do anything to harm a fucking hair on your head, let alone break your heart!"

Seth looked at him in shock for a second and then he seemed to need to sit down. "Roman never… You're fucking lying! I fucking saw it, Nikki saw it too! Stephanie told me she saw Roman go to his room later too, and they were holding hands…"

"Seth," Lexie cut in sharply which was weird because she never called Seth by his name. The edge in her voice was unsettling, and Dean had been so focused on shouting at Seth he hadn't noticed her thoughtfulness until she spoke. "Why were you there?"

"What?" He asked confused at the sudden derailment.

"How did you end up seeing it?"

Seth looked stunned for another moment, but answered. "I went to talk to Nikki, I told you that."

"Why were you at the ice machine, why not her Room, or in the hallway outside your door, or in the parking lot, anywhere else?"

The way she said it made Dean curious, because it was as though she was trying to find the last piece of the puzzle. "Nikki just walked over there."

"Did she want anything?"

"I don't know," Seth said irritably. "She was on her phone and never said anything, we never even talked about whatever it was that she wanted, and then I pretty much ran when I saw them."

"Stay here," Lexie snapped suddenly. "I'll be right back, and if either one of you is dead when I get back I'll kill the other one."

"Where are you going?" Dean asked even more confused. He felt his anger fading, but also his pain, she seemed to be putting two and two together, and he felt like they were all going to get answers for questions they never even bothered to ask.

"To see Doc," she replied and with that she was gone.

Both Dean and Seth stared at the door after it closed behind her just blinking, but finally after a long while Seth broke the silence. "Dean, you don't have to forgive me, but I just need to tell you how fucking sorry I am. I've regretted it every day since…"

With the confusion and sudden suspicion overshadowing his anger, he could look at Seth and actually see how sorry he was. Things that Dean had always avoided thinking about to keep his fury burning bright popped into his head.

Seth had never once come after him or Roman after that first night. He had kept his distance unless they went after him. Dean had ignored the sadness and hurt he always saw in his expressive chocolate brown eyes, because that sadness and pain meant there was more to it. It was easier to think he had no regard for them at all, because it made it easier to find that fury.

Seth's eyes were watery and a tear slid down his cheek. Dean was immediately reminded how fucking sentimental Seth had always been. Seeing Randy and Roman, regardless of how it happened would have destroyed him. Poor Seth, Dean thought suddenly. He had his heart ripped out and even then, with all that pain he had thought about what was best for not only Roman, but him as well.

This whole time he thought Dean knew what had happened. Suddenly that pyramid of cinder blocks didn't seem like enough. A pyramid of cinder blocks that should have ended his career hands down but didn't… Dean had failed to see the truth staring him right in the fucking face all because he thought he wasn't worth it, not because Seth didn't think he was worth it.

Seth had even fucking told him this wasn't ever about him when he had him isolated in a corner during one of their matches. He had literally tried to slap some sense into him while shouting it at him. He knew Dean would blame himself and he tried to tell him. Dean just needed to learn to read between the lines. " _This was never about you Ambrose, this was never about YOU_!" Suddenly he felt awful for everything he'd ever done to a man that had ALWAYS been his brother.

"I'm running out of time Dean. I can't… I thought I was protecting you, but I was just being selfish. Lexie is the best at what she does, and I know she'll do anything to make sure I keep breathing… ANYTHING," Dean felt like he was supposed to be reading in between the lines again, but he couldn't right now, his tears had started again and he needed to process everything. "I love you so fucking much it's painful sometimes… I need to apologize and tell you… you're worth everything Dean… you mean so fucking much to me… I couldn't not say good bye…"

Dean didn't know how to express how he was feeling. The hurt the guilt… the fucking relief; it was all so dizzying. Looking at something in a whole new light when you'd convinced yourself it was nothing but dark was so overwhelming. Dean didn't reply because he was too choked up to speak, so he did the only thing he could to tell Seth it was okay, and that he was the one that was sorry.

Seth gasped in surprise when Dean reached out and yanked him into his arms. Dean wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him as tight as he could without cutting off his air supply. "I'm so fucking sorry Seth," he muttered as Seth surprise gave way to tears.

Dean's own tears fell as they held onto each other desperately trying to say everything they needed to without words. It wasn't something that needed to be said out loud though. Dean knew Seth could feel everything he was feeling and understood it. Seth was weird like that, and he sometimes thought no one understood him better. Hell, Seth knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

His heart swelled with love and they clung to each other. "I love you Dean, I never stopped."

Dean just nodded and pressed his lips to Seth forehead unable to speak, but Seth understood and they just held each other. It felt so fucking amazing. Suddenly he wished Roman was here. He never should have left him like that. I wasn't right. Before he even had a chance to say it the door opened.

"Oh good you're still alive," Lexie actually sounded relieved and it made him chuckle despite all of the tears.

His chuckle died and both he and Seth broke apart when they saw Roman follow her through the door rather timidly. He looked like he'd been crying, and Dean knew he hadn't been sleeping so he was emotionally as well as physically exhausted, but he still wore a tired smile when he saw them embracing.

He had yelled at Seth for not talking to Roman when he'd done the same exact thing a mere hour ago. He flushed with guilt and sorrow watching his best friend standing there looking scared and unsure. Roman would never hurt him on purpose; Dean knew it just as sure as he knew Roman didn't hurt Seth on purpose. Suddenly Dean felt worse than bad realizing his best friend carried the weight of the guilt for an unwanted kiss on his shoulders all alone. The guilt had to have been eating at him knowing Roman whether he thought Seth knew or not, but Roman carried his burden alone not wanting to put any more on Dean.

Seth gave Dean a little nudge towards Roman knowing he'd come to that realization and Dean was thankful for that nudge because he needed it. Roman cringed a little when Dean came at him but seemed to be resigned to take whatever Dean thought he deserved; it made his chest hurt.

The same surprised gasp Seth had release when Dean had pulled him into his arms left Roman when Dean slammed into him and wrapped him arms around him squeezing him as tight as he could trying to telling him everything he couldn't put into words. Dean's tears started again and he felt Roman's own tears soaking into his shirt as Roman kissed his forehead murmuring how much he loved him and how sorry he was.

They held each other for dear life both making silent promises never to let this happen again, until Seth's oh so familiar sniffling reached them making them both chuckle a little. Dean pulled back from Roman and at the same time they both held an arm out for Seth to join them. His eyes widened with disbelief for a moment, but then he let out an actual sob launching himself into their arms.

The impact knocked them back a bit, but they didn't care as they enveloped him letting him cry it out, because that's the only thing you could really do when it came to Seth's tears. This was something Dean had never dared hope for, but he had never been so grateful for anything in his whole fucking life. He felt almost whole again and knew his brothers felt the same way.

Lexie clearing her throat pulled them all back, but when they turned to look at her she just looked embarrassed. Dean was surprised to find her eyes were glassy with what he thought were unshed tears. He wanted to rush over to her and hug her and kiss her suddenly knowing this amazing moment was all because of her, but Roman beat him to it.

It was impossible not to laugh when she literally squealed as the big man scooped her off her feet and into his arms. "You beautiful, sneaky, smart, wonderful, devilish little girl, what the hell would we have done without you? God I love you!"

She looked stunned when Roman finally put her back on her feet and grabbed her face and planted a kiss right on her lips making both Dean and Seth laugh. Giddy with relief and joy they never thought they'd experience ever again they both rushed her as well. She was a little stiff at first but eventually allowed herself to melt into them. Dean felt like all his prayers had been answered and he never felt happier in his life. With both his brothers and Lexie in his arms, he felt... completely whole.

"Ouch!" Lexie squealed when they finally let go and Seth smacked her ass rather hard.

"I already told you to find your own man!" He wasn't sure what they were talking about, but they all laughed.

Lexie seeing he felt left out explained, "Apparently Bambie doesn't want to share," both his brothers laughed even though they were blushing.

"I was all for it…" Roman started but Seth smacked him too.

"You're mine and only mine forever got it?" Roman chuckled and planted a kiss on his lips and he saw Lexie watching them just as fondly as he was. His earlier jealousy seemed beyond ridiculous now seeing her affection for them was the same as his own. Suddenly the laughter died as Seth's face fell. "That is as long as I have left, I mean."

With that the mood turned and they all remembered what it was that finally brought them back together. Someone wanted Seth dead.

"What are we going to do?" Dean asked with fear lacing his voice. They had wasted so much fucking time on dumb shit.

"What we have to," Lexie pulled him into her arms as Roman did the same for Seth who once again had silent tears streaming down his face.

"I don't want you guys to get hurt. That's not why I told you… I know it's not my choice, but if something happens to you…" Seth trailed off unable to continue as his tears fell faster along with Roman's. Dean chest tightened with his own eyes watering and he suddenly wanted to kill whoever was putting his brothers and himself through this. All this crying was fucking exhausting.

"You right it's not your fucking choice," Dean said suddenly making Roman and Seth look at him warily for his sudden anger, but Lexie's eyes shone with approval. "It's ours, and I know I speak for Roman too when I say… we are going to make this motherfucker wish he'd never been born. He's going to regret ever even thinking about hurting our little brother!"

Dean's declaration made Seth let out another sob full of gratitude and fear, but Roman puffed up and held out his fist for a bump which Dean happily obliged.

"What do we do?" Roman and Dean asked simultaneously turning to Lexie.

"We need more answers and I know where to get them," she replied with a fierce protectiveness in her voice. "You stay here while I go get him. There's a whole lot more to this than we think, I'm sure of it."

"Answers are great," Dean told her, but what he really wanted to know was what they were going to actually do He wanted to bust some heads right now. "But what do we do about it?"

"Relax Pretty Boy," she smirked at him and caressed his cheek tenderly sending shivers down his spine. He saw there was something cooking behind her beautiful blue eyes. "Answers first, but then," she looked at all three of them meeting their eyes for a moment with a sparkle he'd never seen before in her own. "Then we declare war."


	10. Chapter 10

Seth never knew he'd be so grateful that someone hated him enough to want him dead, but here he was curled up on Roman's lap with Dean beside them because of it; because of Lexie. He'd been so horrid to her in the beginning because she was a reminder of how far he'd fallen. The fact that she had to be there only reminded him everyone hated him, and that everyone included the two men sitting with him now.

She had fixed it though. No matter what she said or what had happened in her past Seth didn't believe she was all bad. A bad person wouldn't have done what she had for them. Maybe she felt like she didn't deserve forgiveness. No less than 3 hours ago Seth thought he was way beyond redemption, yet here he was cuddled up to two people he thought not long ago wouldn't even have come to his funeral.

They all looked up curiously when the door opened. Lexie was always so cryptic it was irritating even if it was necessary. She stopped and eyed them all seriously, "You all behave, you hear me? Not a goddamned word until it's all out; got it?"

Seth saw Roman and Dean were just as confused as he was. She looked at all of them one at a time waiting for confirmation that her order had been understood, so they just nodded.

Lexie stepped aside as they untangled themselves sitting up wondering who the "him" was with the answers she wanted. They all stiffened when Randy walked through the door. "What is this group counseling or some shit?"

He tried to sound arrogant and unconcerned, but Seth could feel he was nervous. Dean, however, seemed to have forgotten he agreed not to speak. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Randy actually looked guilty before he covered it up with his patent smirk. As mad as Seth was that he had been the catalyst to all this shit, he felt sorry for him knowing what it was like to have to hide behind a mask all the time. It was no way to live.

"This little ah...person… persuaded me this was in my best interest." Seth suddenly wondered what the hell Lexie had done to him to get him here. He looked at her questioningly, but she ignored him.

"To answer your question Randy this is not group counseling, though I'm sure we fucking need it, this… is a war counsel," Lexie informed him avoiding explaining how she'd gotten him here.

Seth couldn't imagine what Randy could add to what they already knew, but if Lexie thought it was important it probably was. She gestured for Randy to begin and suddenly he looked a little green which made Seth's stomach drop.

"It was… it was all a set up," he said a bit nervously. "We got lucky when Roman left the room on his own because Hunter never told us how we were supposed to do it, just that we needed to find a way to drive a wedge between you guys he could capitalize on. He wanted Seth…"

"Who's we?" Dean snapped wanting to know who he had to add to his hit list. Lexie sort of positioned herself between them and Randy apparently anticipating a less than warm reception.

"Nikki," Lexie answered when Randy looked at her unsure. "She was trying to help Brie and it bit her in the ass when the stipulation for not revealing her part was to outright betray her sister… she's already paid."

Seth's heart went out to them. He knew what it was like living under Hunter's thumb, it was always tit for tat, and poor Randy had endured it for far longer than anyone. Seth recalled Randy taking every kick and punch he could throw at him knowing Hunter would punish Seth for his weakness when it came to Roman.

Seth suddenly felt the urge to wrap the surly sometimes explosive man in his arms. Whatever Randy had done, it had been to survive, not out of malice. It suddenly dawned on him why Randy had been such a jerk to him. Not because Seth was a threat, but because Seth was stupid enough to fall into Hunter's trap. He tried to drive him away to help him, not because he was afraid he would replace him. He didn't want him to have to replace him.

Seth looked up at Lexie with watery eyes at the realization and she nodded with a soft smile. "I told you Bambie; looks can be deceiving, not everything is what it seems."

Seth pushed off the bed and he felt Roman and Dean's confusion, but he needed to do this. Suddenly he was grateful for everything Randy had done even if it seemed like something else at the time. Randy stiffened when Seth wrapped his arms around him, but eventually allowed himself to relax and hugged him back. Seth let his tears fall for the man that could've really been as a brother under different circumstances.

Seth tried to let his gratitude flow through his body and into Randy's. He knew Randy felt it when his hold tightened even though it was just a little bit. After a moment Seth pulled back and saw Randy's eyes were a little glassy, and Seth was making him uncomfortable. Lexie saw it too.

"I can finish it, thank you," she said gently patting Randy's arm affectionately.

"You still need me tomorrow?" He asked, and she nodded kissing his cheek in thanks. Seth saw Randy's eyes close at her gentleness and he suddenly felt so stupid. Poor Randy.

"Now you see it?" Randy smirked, but it lacked arrogance, and Seth could still feel the depths of his sadness. "So dumb," Randy shook his head at Seth while ruffling his hair, before turning to Roman and Dean. "You guys have no idea how lucky you are to have each other."

He seemed to think for a moment then spoke again. "I'm sorry I kissed you, and I'm sorry about the chair thing, but I could see you were going to fall for it and I just... you were being so stupid, you all were. It's a tough go alone… nothing is ever worth throwing something like what you have together away… being alone… well, being alone sucks, especially when you're surrounded by people."

Randy looked at them for and extended moment then seemed to be done sharing his wisdom, and gave Lexie a nod before turning to leave. Seth knew exactly what it was like to be alone but surrounded.

"Randy!" Seth called out before he could go. "You don't have to be alone, you know if you don't want."

Randy nodded with a tired smile, and walked out. Even with his smile Seth knew deep down Randy didn't really believe him. Randy had broken away, but he'd been alone for so long in a hell Seth knew all too well. He knew Randy had given up on not being alone a long time ago. He promised himself he would help if he could.

Seeing things so differently now was unsettling and he never felt so stupid in his life. Lexie saw him struggling and wrapped her arm around him and gently led him back to Roman and Dean, who looked confused and mad, but sad too.

"How did you know?" Dean asked Lexie.

Lexie gently pushed Seth into Roman's arms, and Seth was grateful he accepted him with no hesitation, before she settled herself between Dean and Roman.

"I watched that match a thousand times when I got the assignment, Randy didn't have a concussion. I checked Doc's records to make sure."

"I can't believe it was a fucking set up," Roman looked like someone sucker punched him. "He was so upset after it happened and I told him I was engaged… I never thought it wasn't just a mistake."

"He was upset Rome, and he didn't do it to hurt any of you," Lexie told him. "You two don't understand what it's been like for him all these years, Seth does somewhat, but not all of it. Your bond in based on love and friendship, Randy's was based on favors owed and black mail."

"That's why you brought him here so we would feel bad for him?" Dean sounded irritated.

"No she did it, because this shit is going to get stressful and she wants us to remember what's really important when we get mad at each other, or want to bring up everything that's happened… and so we learn to look past the surface… not everything is what it seems… none of this was our fault… we were just pawns." Seth was surprised the answer came to him so quickly and Lexie smiled approvingly before kissing his head.

"You have a plan?" Roman now seemed more determined than ever.

"I do," Seth could hear the smirk in her voice, but suddenly he was tired, so he curled up in Roman's lap and rested his head on his chest.

"You gonna tell us?" Dean asked still irritable but less so.

"In good time, but first answers, isn't that why you came here in the first place?"

"Maybe we should pick this up tomorrow, it's been a long day for all of us," Roman cut in worriedly. Seth went to sit up because he knew this was important, and he was worrying his big care bear.

"Seth knows everything I'm going to tell you, let him sleep if he wants." Roman tightened his arms around Seth at Lexie's words, presumably to put him in bed, but Seth didn't want to.

"I wanna stay here," he said latching on, and was happy when he felt Roman nod and kiss his head. He let himself drift in and out as Lexie filled them in on everything she could.

She explained that her company had come to the conclusion due underground chatter it was going to be a professional hitter, which she called an asset. She explained that what they overheard in the training room was the excuse she'd been using to pursue a partnership with them, but Seth could hear her embarrassment when she assured them that her concern for them was genuine.

Stephanie had been adamant that Dean was the threat they were worried about from go, so Lexie ran with it. Dean was extremely affronted at the suggestion, but she guaranteed him that she knew after their first encounter Stephanie was wrong. When he asked why Seth gave a sleepy chuckle.

"Well for one, Roman was still head over heels as much as Seth was." she laughed "For two you Pretty Boy, no offense, are pure fucking chaos. If you were going to kill Seth, you wouldn't waste time hiring someone; you'd do it yourself, most likely with your bare hands."

Dean looked like he was unsure if that was any better, but let it drop as she told them how she managed to convince them that if Dean was in on it so was Roman. The old adage "keep your friends close; and your enemies closer" had sealed the deal.

Their ultimate objective, besides keeping Seth alive, right now was to find financier, which was the person paying for the hit, or the handler, which was the go between for the financier and the asset. If they could find one of those two she would know who the asset was because as far as professional hitters went her world was very small. She already had an inkling on both financier and asset, but declined to share until she was sure.

It was awkward when she had to explain that she wasn't just a glorified babysitter, but also an "asset" depending on the assignment. It was probably a good thing they already knew her, because it wasn't an easy pill to swallow, but they seemed to except it, and Seth was grateful.

She didn't go into the shots, and Seth figured that was their secret for now, because she knew Dean and Roman wouldn't let her anywhere near D.C. if they thought it could kill her. Seth was secretly counting on their protectiveness if he ever happened to need it. He had promised, but they hadn't.

"That… that was a lot," Roman said when she was done.

"It is, and there's more, but I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Bambie, I can't tell you everything because it's not safe, you guys are smart though, you need to learn to read me, and everyone else for that matter, because no one who does what I do for a living looks like that's what they do. I'm gonna have to train you guys too if you're still insistent on helping…"

"We're helping!" Dean cut in making Lexie smile a little.

"Good, but you have to fucking pay attention and really learn this shit, it's not a game. It's dangerous, and absolutely deadly," she gave them all serious looks. "As you can see by looking at Bambie it's not easy, but it's important."

"Can we use a different color lip stick next time?" He felt Roman shudder. "The red looks too much like blood."

"That's the reason we use red," Lexie replied. "You need to get used to seeing it. If that made you uncomfortable imagine what a real blade and real blood are gonna do when it comes down to it and you have to kill someone… it's a bit of desensitization." He felt Roman shutter again and so did he. She always did that, talked about horrible things so casually.

"What are we doing tomorrow? What was Randy talking about?" Dean asked still keen to know when he'd get to bust some head.

"I still need to iron out some details, but I told you we're declaring war. It's been a long day for everyone, and it's dinner time." she rubbed her eyes standing up. Seth hated when she played things so close to the vest. "How about you and me go pick up some dinner and we let the love birds have some time?"

Seth suddenly perked up not caring about tomorrow at all. He wanted to finish what they'd started earlier and he could feel Roman did too. Dean still looked unhappy, but she sighed and pulled him to his feet. "We'll be back in and hour, don't make too much noise, there's some handcuffs in the bedside table if you feel so inclined." Lexie teased.

Seth felt his face flush as Dean's eyes widened and he started towards the bedside table to see if she was serious. "Not for you Pretty Boy," she grabbed his hand and laughed when he pouted. Pulling him away from the table and towards the door she tossed a wink over her shoulder before stepping out; with that they were gone.

* * *

When the door closed behind them the whole room felt electrically charged as the air hummed with delicious sexual tension. Despite the slight awkwardness of feeling as though they'd been granted permission to fuck coupled with an 18 month hiatus Seth immediately felt his cock begin to stir.

He hopped off Roman's lap and quickly latched the chain lock on the door, partially because Lexie always made him when she left the room, but mostly because those two fuckers wouldn't bother knocking. When he started back he saw Roman was fidgeting nervously.

He fought an irritated sigh, not because he was indifferent to Roman's feelings, but because his jitteriness stemmed from a weird sense of propriety. It had taken almost two months from their first kiss before they actually fucked. Roman had a libido to match his own, but he'd put it off like it was some chivalrous gesture and not the most fucking frustrating thing in the world.

"Baby, don't you want me?" The question was rhetorical because he could see Roman's hardness even through the thick denim. Roman nodded anyway. He swallowed hard as Seth pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him straddling his waist. "Good because I want you too."

He punctuated each word with a gentle kiss everywhere on Roman's face except for his lips hoping it would relax the tension he felt in his muscles. He wanted Roman inside of him and to taste every inch of him more than anything right now, but only if Roman was a 100 % on board and not stuck in his head. It didn't work.

Seth sat up a little unable to stop his sigh this time, "Rome, this could be our last chance to be together. Tomorrow is never promised." He covered Roman's mouth with his hand when he went to protest. "I'm not saying it is; I'm saying it could be. The way I see it we've wasted a hell of a lot of time on dumb shit, too much time. Chivalry is not what I want right now. We've got a whole year and a half to make up for, and I want to start now."

Roman looked up at him for a moment struggling with something, and Seth thought it might've been a bad idea to bring up all that up, but it was how he felt so he said it. Just as he was about to apologize and climb off, Roman's hands dug into his waist and he swiftly rolled him onto his back. Seth let out something between a moan and a gasp as Roman pinned him to the bed.

"I love you," Roman said softly.

"I love you too."

The words were barely out of his mouth before Roman's lips were on his. His heart began racing as electricity ran through him. Roman's lips were hard, but at the same time soft, just like Roman. Seth didn't bother waiting for permission this time. He bit down on Roman's bottom lip and was rewarded with a rumbling moan before he plunged his tongue in Roman's mouth relishing in the taste.

Seth's own hardness rubbed against Roman's as their tongues continued to dance. He let himself get lost in everything that was Roman, but his cock was becoming almost painfully hard. It felt like too much after such a long time, but like it would never be enough. Seth thrust his hips desperate for more friction when Roman sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

"Rome, please clothes off now…" He felt Roman's chest rumble as he chuckled at Seth's desperation though Seth knew he was just as desperate with how quickly he complied.

Within no time Seth lost control of his vocal chords as moans and whimpers escaped him. Roman was kissing, sucking, and nibbling his was down slowly seemingly worshiping every inch of him, much like what Seth had planned to do to him; it was pure bliss.

A gasp along with several curses and praises tumbled from his lips as Roman ran his tongue along the underside of his shaft before lapping up the precum from his sensitive slit. "Ro, oh god… we only have an hour."

Seth felt the vibrations of his chuckle as he continued to kiss and lick without actually taking his cock into his mouth. "Dean will buy us another."

"You… oh fuck!" Seth lost his train of thought while letting out a loud moan as Roman sucked him into his mouth. It was better than he remembered and if Roman wasn't holding him down he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from thrusting his hips.

A familiar fire coiled in his belly and he yanked Roman's head up, "Not like this. I want to cum with you inside me."

Roman looked like he wanted nothing more, but Seth saw his hesitation he didn't want to hurt him. Seth had his own solution to that, and it didn't really matter to him if it hurt. He pulled Roman up and rolled over so Seth was on top of him.

Seth had planned to taste and slowly worship every inch of Roman's body, he really did, but his mouth watered as soon as his eyes landed on Roman's beautiful bronze fully erect cock. He had to taste it, and without much ceremony licked the salty precum from his slit getting a sexy moan that went straight to his own cock, before forcefully sucking Roman's swollen head into his mouth.

"Jesus fuck… oh god Seth," apparently Roman had been expecting to pay for his teasing, but Seth didn't have time for that. He licked and sucked taking Roman as far into his mouth as possible while using his hand to work the rest.

Roman's hands were tangled in his hair pushing his head down while thrusting his hip, but carefully as not to choke him. Roman praised and cursed him between rumbling moans and gasps. Seth was so wrapped up in what he was doing when Roman pulled his head away he pouted at him. "You want me to fuck you or not?"

Seth's pout immediately disappeared and his cock throbbed at his words. He knew he looked like an eager puppy which made Roman laugh, but he didn't care about that right now. Roman pulled him on top of him then rolled him on his back kissing him, while circling his entrance.

Just as he started to slip the first finger in Seth stopped him, "Get the handcuffs." Roman looked at him curiously. "You only live once, I wanna try it."

His cheeks flushed a little, but it was true. If he's learned anything in the past couple weeks it was don't wait until it's too late. Roman actually looked excited, so that made him feel better about it. When Roman opened the drawer Seth was startled as he barked out a laugh. He looked at him curiously and Roman pulled out a bottle of lube, a box of condoms, and handed him a sticky note.

"Kinky bastards, I'll get you your own for Christmas, until then… You're fucking welcome. Love Satan."

Normally he would have been embarrassed and while he was a little disappointed Lexie hadn't left her handcuffs, the lube meant Roman wouldn't hesitate to really fuck him like he wanted. He crumbled Lexie's stupid note and threw it across the room and pulled Roman back down on top of him.

To Seth's delight Roman was much more confident now that they had lube. Seth could help it and moaned what would've been embarrassingly loud if he cared right now. Roman's fingers brushed that little bundle of nerves inside of him sending jolts of pleasure through him, it felt so fucking good, too good, "inside."

He didn't have to say it twice before Roman quickly coated himself with lube and was on top of him. He felt him pushing the head of his cock at his entrance a little hesitantly. Seth nodded to tell him to go and carefully he pushed inside of him inch by inch as Seth breathed through the pain trying not to tense. Between kisses trying to create a distraction Seth could see Roman's face was a mixture of bliss and concern.

"God you feel so fucking good baby," Roman kissed him hard as Seth relaxed when he was finally all the way in. Roman gave him time to adjust, and when he was ready he nodded for Roman to start moving.

The burning quickly gave way to pleasure and soon they were both moaning again. It felt so amazing having Roman filling him with every stroke hitting his prostate. He couldn't stop himself from wrapping his legs around Roman's waist and meeting every thrust. He wanted it all. Roman reached between them to stroke his cock letting Seth know he was close.

He pushed himself to his elbows and captured Roman's lips in a sloppy kiss, but neither of them cared consumed by pleasures they never thought they know again. Roman continued pounding into him jabbing the little bundle of nerves causing Seth to moan into his mouth. He felt himself becoming undone, but couldn't fine his voice to tell him. Seth's balls tightened as heat coiled in his belly and his seed coated Roman's hand and both their abdomens as he cried out what was supposed to be Roman's name.

Seconds later his name tumbled from Roman's lips as he followed. Roman lowered his head kissing him hard. "I love you," Roman breathed pressing their foreheads together.

"I love you too… fuck that was amazing." Seth responded breathless making Roman chuckle. They lay together for a while recovering and kissing just enjoying each other. Seth never wanted it to end but he knew it had to for now. "Shower?" Seth finally asked knowing they both smelled like sex.

Roman nodded and kissed him again before pushing off the bed pulling him with him. They took a lazy shower kissing, touching and taking turns washing each other. Roman laughed and shut off the water when Seth's stomach growled reminding them Lexie and Dean would be back soon with dinner.

* * *

They were clean and changed lying on Seth's bed watching a movie that Seth was too nervous to watch. It had been over two hours now, and he didn't think even Dean could figure out a way to buy them that much time.

"They're fine," Roman kissed him as he looked at his phone for the thousandth time. He knew they probably were, but that didn't mean he wouldn't worry. With everything going on it made sense to worry. Even as Roman told him not to worry he knew Roman was worried too. He was about to call them when the door opened, but was stopped by the chain.

He hopped out of bed and quickly undid the chain before he yanked it all the way open suddenly angry instead of worried because they were both laughing. They didn't even notice him glaring at them.

"Ha!" Lexie said triumphantly as they walked into the room. "You owe me 20 bucks!"

"You don't know…" Dean started to argue.

"Bullshit," Lexie scoffed walking past Seth, who was still upset, and tossed what looked like shopping bags onto her bed while Dean set the take out bags on the desk. "Even the fucking hallway smells like sex. Don't even try it Pretty Boy. They're both showered and changed too, and they both have that freshly fucked glow."

"You couldn't just keep it in your pants, could you?" Dean glared at Roman before handing Lexie a 20 who was still laughing.

Roman laughed too shaking his head not bothered by their antics. Normally Seth would yell at them for betting on their sex life, but he was angrier that they worried him for no apparent reason.

"Where have you been?" He snapped shutting the door a little more forcefully than necessary.

"And the egg roll is mine!" Lexie said delightedly and Dean huffed before turning to glare at Seth.

"You guys are such disappointments," Dean grumbled before he started unpacking the food and Roman got up to help him.

"Lexie!" Seth snapped extremely unhappy she ignored him.

"Oh relax Bambie," she kissed his cheek. "We went shopping, and we thought you might appreciate the extra time."

"We did," Roman told her making everyone laugh but Seth who folded his arms. He'd been really worried. With everything going on he was always on edge it. Lexie saw it and frowned.

"Hey," she wrapped her arms around him which was not something he would've ever expected two weeks ago so it calmed him a bit. "We're fine, and I don't know if you know this, but I can take care of myself and Dean too." She was teasing him and trying to make him smile, but it only sort of worked. "I'll call or text next time, promise."

"You knew I would be worried," he accused pouting, "you betted on it."

"No, I bet you would demand to know where we were, I didn't think you would even realize we were gone that long let alone worry about it," she was being sincere and though he didn't like that she thought he wouldn't notice they weren't back he nodded.

"So what'd you guys buy?" Seth asked curiously letting her know it was okay walking over to the bags on her bed.

Both Dean and Lexie broke out into wide grins with their eyes sparkling in a way that made Seth feel excited along with curious. He picked up the nearest bag and looked in. The look on his face made Lexie laugh, "just how attached are you to that cheap hooker outfit?"


	11. Chapter 11

Randy bounced on the balls of his feet while waiting for Owens to stop talking. When he opened his door yesterday the last person he ever expected to see was Charlie, or Lexie as she quickly corrected, but there she was. He just sort of looked at her trying to hide his shock, and wondered what the hell she could want. She studied him for a moment, and all he managed to do was stand there like an idiot, unnerved by the fact it felt like she was reading his inner most thoughts.

"How's your head?" She asked after a moment in a way that he knew he'd been caught. His stomach sank and she saw it.

She didn't even wait for him to reply before she brushed past him and into his room. There was nothing else he could do really, but shut the door and face the music. He sat across from her and they eyed each other for a moment and he was suddenly struck by how beautiful she was despite the fading bruises and lip stick smeared across her face.

"We're taking them down Randy: for good," she said quietly, but firmly bringing him back to why she was here. "I'm not worried about anything but the truth and I'll know if you're lying."

He had no doubts that she would and he hadn't planned on it anyway. If anyone else randomly showed up at his door claiming they were going to bring down The Authority he would laugh and point out what happened to everyone else that tried, but for some reason he knew if anyone could it was her, there was something about her eyes. So he told her everything he knew.

He had seen her around, but she was nothing like he imagined or everyone else said; far from a mindless lap dog. She listened to everything he said and he watched her absorb it and make calculations. When he finally finished she looked at him thoughtfully, "Thank you for your honesty and you can say no, but I have two favors to ask of you."

He knew she was going to want him to talk to her boys as she called them, and he'd already told himself he would say yes if she asked, so he nodded. After all the pain he'd caused he figured he deserved to get the hell beat out of him.

The look on Roman's face when Randy pulled back after kissing him was enough to make him a stuttering mess racked with guilt. He remembered feeling nauseous when Roman said Seth was his _fiancé_ , and even after everything wanted to make sure he got back alright.

He almost let him walk away too. He tried to, but the consequences for Nikki if they didn't succeed, as well as Brie, would've been horrible. Not that what happened in the end wasn't bad, but it could've been worse. He prayed they wouldn't fall for it, but they did. Every single one of them hook, line, and sinker.

When Seth had stood up with tears in his eyes and hugged him, it almost broke him. He had been expecting to get the shit kicked out of him even though Lexie promised it wouldn't happen. Dean was the most likely candidate to fly off the handle, so he prepared himself for that the whole way there. He was surprised when he felt the command in her voice and saw how all three men responded to it, even Dean. That crazy little girl even put herself between three angry grown men and him without batting an eye. That told him everything he needed to know to proceed with today.

She let him off the hook after Seth's impromptu display of affection. He said his piece telling them how lucky they were hoping they'd take it to heart, and then tried to escape as quickly as possible, but Seth had to go and tell him he didn't have to be alone. He barely slept last night because of it.

From the moment Seth joined The Authority he saw how sensitive he was, and knew he could never survive it. He tried to toughen him up and show him the ropes, but it only pushed him towards Hunter. Seth was used to people actually caring. After the Dean thing, who he barely knew anything about except for he was scary loyal, his guilt was eating him alive as he listened to Seth cry himself to sleep for weeks.

He had to get away from Seth if _he_ was going to survive. He even tried to get Hunter to drop Seth before he gave up completely, but none of it worked. So eventually he had no choice but to give up. Seth was a lost cause and he felt he could leave with a clear conscious. As clear as someone who'd done the things he'd done could have anyway.

The other favor he wasn't expecting, but agreed, mostly because he was curious. So here he was waiting for Owens to stop running his mouth so he could tell them to hit his music. "Since they're all too chicken to show up…"

Randy decided he'd had enough of Owens as well as being in his own head for now and signaled for his music. The confused and frightened looks on The Authority's faces made him have to fight a smile. Lexie suggested he stay at the top of the ramp, because three of them weren't in fighting condition, while Roman was still flagged for psych, but he wanted a front row seat. They all sort of scrambled to the other side of the ring trying to look like that wasn't what they were doing as he slid under the bottom rope mic already in hand.

"Don't worry," he smirked once he was standing on what was now his side of the ring unfolding the piece of paper Lexie had given him this morning. "I'm just here to read something."

"We don't care about whatever it is you think you need to say," Owens snapped before anyone else could answer.

He saw anger flash in Hunter's eyes at Owens speaking out of turn; you didn't say anything in The Authority unless you had permission, stupid fuck still had so much to learn, Randy shook his head.

Still, Randy's smirk turned into a genuine smile as he laughed. "Oh, but this concerns everybody, and I think you guys especially are going to want to hear it."

Hunter's eyes met his, and he thanked god he was a good poker player, because Hunter was fucking pissed now. Randy smirked at him and wiggled the paper asking if he wanted him to continue or not. Hunter glared at him but nodded. He knew he would, and Randy cleared his throat exaggeratedly then began reading.

 _To Whom This May Concern,_

 _We have been ordered to present ourselves ringside at the commencement of "Monday Night Raw" and to accept the apology of one Kevin Owens, for barbaric tactics employed at the close of last week's programming, which consisted of the utilization of an article of furniture of steel persuasion to strike the cranium of not only his partner one Seth Rollins, but also opposing competitors one Dean Ambrose, and one Roman Reigns, before attempting to turn the offending article on one Lexie Masters. We would like to offer our condolences for your misfortune at being subjected to the aformentioned's malarkey as we are disinclined to accept his insincere and inadequate apology._

 _Furthermore, we believe these orders to be consistent with the numerous infractions perpetrated by and unjust Authority. We believe it is our primary duty to address such injustices. We believe we are left with no alternative with the exception of a declaration of war._

 _Per this declaration we assume the role of judge, jury, and executioner. We will fulfill our responsibilities inherent in that role. We will allocate swift and impartial punishments reliant on severity and grounded in our creed as we see fit._

 _We believe what one chair shot can destroy, another can restore._

 **"S** ierra **, H** otel **, I** ndia **, E** cho **, L** ima **, D** elta **…"**

The look on Hunter's face when he finished reading alone was worth coming all the way down here, but the look on his face when their music hit a second later was priceless. Randy thought Lexie was going a little over board, but the pop rivaled any he'd ever heard. When he finally spotted them coming through the crowd he felt more than ready to throw down with them, though they assured him that was not expected of him.

Roman and Lexie descended the stairs from the right side of the arena while Dean and Seth came from the other. He was impressed with the way they chose to enter. They wanted The Authority to feel surrounded. With them entering on both sides, and with Randy stationed not only at the ramp, but in the actual ring at their backs, he knew that's exactly how they felt. He chuckled as The Authority tried to decide which way to go. He saw their eyes darting around looking for an escape route that didn't exist.

The pairings they chose spoke volumes to him and anyone else looking on; everything had been forgiven and forgotten.

He didn't bother fighting his smile anymore, because all eyes were on the four individuals dressed in black climbing up on the announce table. He watched them stand shoulder to shoulder as one united front with their faces betraying nothing.

He almost wanted to be a part of it, but having a front row seat to watch the first shot fired in what he was sure was going to be an epic war, and to see Hunter beginning to crumble along with the rest of The Authority was enough for him; for now.

"You guys don't look too happy to see us," Ambrose frowned with mock sadness after the crowd quieted and Lexie dropped down taking a seat in front of them.

They presented as a united front, reminding The Authority Lexie was there, but her dropping down made it about the guys from here on out, which was probably a good thing, because no one knew her or trusted her, even if they did. Randy was surprised to find he was including himself in that "they".

"I gotta tell you guys I'm really disappointed. We even got dressed up for the occasion… you don't like?" Dean held his arms out a little and spun like he was showing off a prom dress. When he was done spinning and they were still shooting daggers at him he pouted a little, "Still no?"

"Dean, I'm pretty sure it's not our fashion choices they're upset about buddy," Seth patted his arm gently like he was actually consoling him making people laugh.

"What the hell…" Owens who had the microphone started angrily.

"Ah, ah, ah," Lexie wagged a finger at him from her seat like she was scolding a child, but there was a glint in her eye that made Randy shutter. "I'm sure you'll recall I made you a promise not long ago, and I have to tell you, I'm nothing if not a woman of my word. You had your turn, now shut up and listen."

Owens actually paled a little as the hand holding the microphone dropped making the crowd go wild, and Randy wondered what kind of promise that was. Whatever kind it was everyone decided play time was over and both sides looked deadly serious now, though most of The Authority still seemed to be in a little bit of shock.

Stephanie made the next move snatching the microphone from Owens who was still watching Lexie warily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"We _are_ declaring war," Roman said firmly as Hunter took the mic from Stephanie who had always seemed to be much more of a hot head, though Randy knew she was just as calculating as her husband.

"A revolution, if you will," Dean added.

"A revolution?" Hunter asked scoffing trying to sound unconcerned, but the element of surprise had worked in their favor and he was definitely rattled.

"A revolution," Roman confirmed. "You know the thing with revolutions?" He continued thoughtfully, but seriously. "They start out small, maybe one or two voices… or four, just a little spark… kinda like a forest fire you know? One little spark that someone neglected, and it ends up burning down hundreds of acres of trees, and then all you have left… are ashes."

Randy saw Hunter's jaw clench as they let them absorb that.

"You," Dean looked at Hunter as his voice took on a chilling quality, "neglected that spark and now everything is going to burn… that we promise you."

"There's four of you," Hunter scoffed again, though not really fooling anyone.

Randy wasn't sure what to expect when Lexie told him her plan, but it surprised him to see actual fear in Hunter's eyes as they darted to Lexie, and then the three men behind her.

"That's the thing about tyrants, too. They seem to forget all the "little people" they stomped on to get to the top," Roman replied seriously focusing on Hunter as well.

They Authority members all looked unsure and a few even looked back at him, so he just smiled and waved knowing he was going pay even if he did nothing more than read their declaration. "In for a penny in for a pound" he shrugged to himself.

"Do you know how many tyrants; whether they were Emperors… War Lords… Dictators… Kings… or even Queens," Dean nodded in Stephanie's direction, who stiffened, "were brought down by the "little people"… or their allies… or even… their own family members?"

This was more than a declaration of war Randy realized suddenly; this was a call to arms, while simultaneously sowing doubt in the faction they were challenging. The looks on the faces of the people in the ring with him told him it was working. With a start he realized victory was not only possible, but absolutely probable.

The question must've been rhetorical, because he saw Seth take a deep breath before he lifted his mic. Lexie casually leaned back against his legs, while Roman and Dean moved closer so they were all touching him in some way; offering what comfort they could for something they knew was going to be hard. It made Randy's chest ache.

"I learned, the hard way mind you, that's it's true what they say; absolute power, corrupts absolutely." Seth's voice sounded firm and steady, but Randy knew he was nervous by the actions of the others. "To gain that kind of power you have to be willing to go pretty far… be willing to do anything… but how far is too far? After a certain point the lines begin to blur… Once you make it to the top you're always looking over your shoulder… for that next chair shot, if you will."

Randy was a little surprised when they all smiled chuckling a little, and though Seth's voice was firm and steady before when he next spoke it seemed to hold more conviction.

"You have to, because though you're surrounded by people you're completely alone," Seth eyes flashed to his and Randy nodded once with a small smile. "All the people around you are there because they were willing to let those lines blur and step on whoever they needed to, to get where they are. Now they want to be where you are, what's there to stop them from stepping on you to get there? Bonds based on power, blackmail, and tit for tat can only go so far."

He looked each Authority member in the eyes, seemingly telling some of them it was too late, while telling others it wasn't.

"18 months ago I made a despicable, unforgivable, stupid decision…" Seth's voice broke forcing him to trail off. Dean quickly kissed the side of his head, while Roman leaned over and whispered in his ear, and Lexie pushed back against him letting him know she was right there. Randy suddenly wished he was close enough to do something to help too.

"Well, what I thought was unforgivable," he said after a moment then smiled at each of his teammates before continuing again a little choked up. "I also learned, though more recently, bonds built on love, friendship, and br...brotherhood…"

Lexie hit his legs with the back of her head playfully as his voice began to break again. He pretended she hurt actually hurt him grateful for the moment it bought him to rein his emotions in.

"Sisterhood?" he tried once he was good to speak again making everyone laugh and Lexie shake her head no, glaring at him. "Siblinghood it is then," he took a deep breath to collect himself, but acted like it was because he was annoyed with Lexie. "Anyway, bonds built on love, friendship, and _siblinghood_ can go one forever. It can survive the bumpiest roads imaginable… even after everything my brothers are by my side, and I've never been more grateful for anything in my life."

His sincerity was sort of heartwarming Randy thought a little sadly thinking of how the only time he spent with the man was spent fighting. Seth met his eyes, and suddenly Randy felt extremely exposed, but in a good way.

"Even more recently someone who I never really thought was even a friend, proved to be not just a friend, but a brother. They reminded that there's nothing in this world worth throwing away what I have with my _siblings_ for." He glared at the top of Lexie's head while Roman and Dean chuckled, before continuing on a softer note. "I meant what I said: you don't have to be alone, if you don't want."

Randy felt his eyes sting at his words, because he knew they were just for him though he wasn't actually looking at him. Even more so when not only Lexie found his eyes, but Roman and Dean as well. They all gave him reassuring smiles that told him that Seth wasn't the only one who felt that way, and the choice was his. He suddenly knew he would be welcomed with open arms if he so chose. It was a bit overwhelming.

After a moment and as if on cue their playfulness from moments ago vanished; all four of them looked deadly serious once again.

"Make no mistake about it, there _is_ a war coming," Seth voice was strong and hard now.

"When the time comes to choose, _and it will come_ , it won't be about just picking a side," Roman's deep rumbling voice added.

"It will be about who _you_ want to be, and what kind of world _you_ want to live in," Dean finished strong.

With that note Lexie hopped off the announced table glaring at The Authority, while the guys jumped down doing the same.

Randy felt their conviction in his bones, and even if he didn't have a thousand reasons want to see The Authority brought down, what they'd just done would have persuaded him.

He suddenly realized this whole thing had been extremely calculated; down to some of the key words they used. Along with who broached what topics, like Dean and Roman, who were on good terms with most of the other superstars, being the ones to actually call for the revolution, or having Seth, who obviously just abandoned The Authority; explain why no one should side with them in a very personal and heartfelt way.

Hell, even having him read their declaration was a very deliberate move. It told everyone in the back this was bigger than the four of them, bigger than any one individual, and would encourage others to take up the cause. It was very calculated, but also very genuine, and that is what was going to sway people.

Randy wondered if The Authority had any idea what the hell they were dealing with, and how badly they fucked up as he watched the four of them in what he considered their statement pairs make their way to the ramp on opposite side of the ring. Roman and Lexie reached him just a few second before Dean and Seth did, but they all stopped in front of the apron where he was standing.

He looked down at each of them individually and they each nodded at him almost imperceptibly. They were still leaving the choice up to him, but wanted to give him the opportunity if he wanted it. He could stay here there and there would be no hard feelings, or he could go with them and not have to be alone anymore.

His decision had already been made subconsciously by coming out here in the first place. Without farther delay he looked over his shoulder meeting Hunter's eyes. Hunter looked madder than he'd ever seen him. Randy couldn't resist smirking at him and tossing him a wink, before climbing through the ropes to join The Revolutionist.

For the first time in a long time, as he walked up the ramp with the last four people in the world he ever thought he would call friend, or brother, or even sister, he didn't feel alone.


	12. Chapter 12

"So, nobody eats until Lexie either examines everything or tastes it herself, except for Dean?" Randy asked a little confused.

The food had arrived ten minutes ago while Lexie was still in the bathroom shouting into her phone at Hunter, which she'd been doing for the last hour or so. Roman had done his best to explain it to Randy without making it sound weird, but that was kind of impossible unless you knew what was going on, which he didn't.

It also didn't help that Dean ignored him and Seth when they tried to argue with him to wait, and started tasting everything just as Lexie had done the night before. Roman even tried to restrain him knowing Lexie would flip, because she would know, she always knew, but Dean had won when he told him he would do it too if it was Seth. It was a little shocking to hear him admit something like that so readily, but it was true so they gave up.

Lexie had told Randy he had to be either all in or all out before she would tell him anything, but not before making sure he knew it was very dangerous. He never got a chance to respond when her phone rang and so began the battle of wills. Roman knew Lexie was going to win though, because she had more to fight for. She loved Seth whether she admitted it or not, and Hunter just wanted Seth. He suspected Hunter was only fighting it out of pride.

Everything tonight had been a bit surreal, even now. They had carefully planned everything, and Roman found himself extremely impressed with his little love bug as both him and Dean just watched Seth and Lexie go back and forth deciding everything. He knew Seth was smart, but he had just as much input as Lexie when it came down to what they were gonna do and say and how it would be done and said.

Dean had been all for steel chairs, and Roman had agreed, but that was shut down quickly when it was pointed out not all of them were really in fighting condition. Roman was glad they'd done it their way because it made quite the impact. Even the stupid letter wasn't so bad. When they'd walked backstage some of the other superstars and divas actually clapped, though others still looked leery.

It had been a wonderful night for all 5 of them and now he was sitting here with Seth's head in his lap running his fingers through his hair waiting for Lexie to be done so they could eat. Considering how things stood just a few days ago, the fact his biggest problem in this moment was he was hungry was unfathomable, but there it was, and he couldn't stop smiling.

"No," Seth answered Randy's question. "Only when Lexie doesn't cook because she checks it as she goes. Dean's just being a pain in the ass, and Lexie's gonna make him throw it all up."

"Make who throw what up?" Lexie asked irritably throwing her phone on the bed. Dean tried to hide the fact he was chewing, but she caught him. "Goddamnit Dean, bathroom now!"

Her tone made them all jump a little, Roman knew she would be mad, but she was fucking furious. He would've gone and thrown up if she told him to even though he didn't eat anything. Dean, however, stood his ground, "no!"

"No," she stalked across the room towards him, and though she wasn't yelling it seemed worse. "Dean, I swear to god I will force feed you ipecac. That could be fucking poisoned!"

"I know," he replied his voice was softer than Roman ever heard it. "I know Lex, and I can't let you do it."

"Dean it's part of my job to keep you all alive," her voice was soft now too.

"Seth alive," he countered.

"Okay, but I _want_ to keep you all alive," she conceded tilting his chin up so he had to look at her. "I'm not willing to lose _any_ of you…"

Suddenly Roman felt like he was intruding on a very private moment. Randy though confused seemed to feel the same way as he averted his eyes, while Seth gave a sleepy giggle.

"I'm not willing to lose you either," Dean's voice was barley a whisper, and it was as though they both realized it at the same time.

It made Roman's chest swell with happiness for them, but Lexie's face dropped after a moment completely and utterly devastated as she let go of Dean's chin.

"Satan is much closer than what you're thinking now," Roman never expected the depths of sadness he heard in her voice to ever come from her, and it made his chest ache. "Throw it up please Dean."

Seth heard it too and was immediately on his feet, but Lexie held out a hand to stop him as she picked up her phone, and Roman could see the pain crease his features. Seth stood there for a moment with tears starting to fill his eyes as Lexie finished with her phone and started going through the containers. Roman could see just how much both Seth and Dean cared about her, hell, Roman himself loved her, but he was caught between feeling sorry for her and being mad at her for hurting them right now.

"That shit is for the birds Bambie," she said without looking, but the sadness was gone. "Save it for someone else."

Seth gave up with a sigh and curled back up on Roman's lap while Dean walked to the bathroom to comply with her wishes. It was all so heartbreaking, even Randy felt it. It was dizzying going from so high to so low. Roman knew Lexie felt the same way about them as they did her, but she fought it. It was like she didn't think she was good enough.

"I'm in," Randy said breaking the uncomfortable silence.

* * *

They spent the next half hour explaining everything to Randy, with the mood never lifting. Lexie especially had gone back to being what he could only call hallow. Randy seemed horrified, but just as determined as they were. Lexie had just finished explaining he would have to go through the training with them, and listen to her commands even if he didn't want to when there was a pounding on the door.

Lexie opened the bedside table and slipped a small pistol Roman didn't even know was there in an ankle holster he had no clue existed. She didn't even check to see who it was, but opened the door and slipped out slamming it behind her. She'd moved so fast Roman suspected she was expecting a visitor, and not a friendly one.

Raised voices made all of them perk up, but the only thing they caught was curse words. Whoever it was Lexie was pissed. Seth had tried to get up as well as Dean, but both he and Randy grabbed them and restrained them.

"Lexie has a gun, you idiots. What are you gonna do to help her," Randy snapped when they continued to struggled, but his logic was sound and they both stopped fighting, though all of them remained tense.

Suddenly there was a loud bang on the door and they heard Lexie cry out in pain, then there was a scuffle of footsteps and quite a few extra voices. Logic left all of them in their panic and they rushed to the door. Roman yanked it open to find Hunter standing there looking stunned, while Kane hung onto one of his arms and both J and J had the other. All three of them looked horrified.

Roman's own cousins, Jay and Jimmy were seemingly holding Lexie up who had blood running down the left side of her face where Dean had busted her open last week. Naomi, Cena, Nikki, Daniel and Brie were all standing behind Lexie and his cousins like they had her back. While others that had been drawn by the shouting stood just as frozen as he was, just staring at the confusing scene. It was so much to take in all at once.

"Stop him Rome!" Lexie commanded, and Roman was so frozen he almost missed grabbing Dean as he went after Hunter.

He fought him so much both Seth and Randy had to help hold him. He could feel just like him they were torn between holding him back and joining him in beating Hunter to death.

"You made a huge fucking mistake you crazy little bitch," Hunter seemed to snap out of his stunned state and was now as angry as Roman had ever seen him.

"Ha!" Lexie actually laughed at him, though her blood was now pouring off her face and onto her shirt. "You have no idea the hell you just brought down on yourself, you stupid piece of shit."

The way she said it sent chills down his spine, and he saw some of the others shudder though most of his attention was focused on restraining Dean. To his surprise Hunter actually laughed back and smirked at her.

"I can easily fucking fire you then where would you be?" Hunter snapped at her. Roman had heard him threaten to fire her before, and though he sounded serious, knew he wouldn't.

"Fuck you," Lexie shot back. "You're the reason I'm here in the first place you dumb fuck, and if I were you, I would worry about that."

Hunters face knitted in confusion for a moment, and he looked at her almost as though she had slapped him. He thought she was accusing him of being the financier.

"That's not what I meant," her voiced was deadly and quiet. "Oh, what tangled webs we weave."

Seth stiffened and Roman knew he probably just realized something; Roman knew it in his bones she had been telling them all something. She was always so fucking cryptic and told them they would have to think about it, but he was drawing a blank.

"Oh, yes we do," Hunter said just as quietly after a moment. "I read your file Dr. Masters; you forget I'm the one that hired you." Then Hunter laughed almost manically and Roman felt his stomach drop. Dr. Masters, he never made the connection, he thought it was a him. "Tell me, did you tell them about Mac yet?"

Lexie's face paled beyond what he thought was possible, and the bright red blood made it look that much worse. Dean even stopped struggling as Lexie swayed a bit on her feet and he felt Seth stiffen even more so. Apparently he knew who Mac was, or at least had some idea.

"Didn't fucking think so," Hunter sneered.

Kane and J and J used the sudden lull to yank Hunter farther down the hallway, while everyone including himself just looked beyond confused. Roman knew that conversation was supposed to tell him something, but he didn't know what.

"Shows fucking over," Lexie snapped pulling herself out of Jimmy and Jay's grip suddenly. Everyone seemed to be looking to her for an explanation, with the exception of Randy, but she wasn't giving one. "Randy go get Doc. Tell him I need stitches."

She didn't look at any of them as Randy complied seemingly unstartled by what just happened as she opened the door to their room and walked in. They all stood there for a minute looking at each other. Hunter had actually just hit Lexie in front of all these people and they wanted to know what the fuck was going on as much as Roman did.

Seth was the first to move and just stormed into their room followed by Dean. Roman gave everyone a weak smile before following, he didn't know what the hell was going on himself, let alone being able to explain it.

"What the fuck Lexie!" Seth demanded standing at the bathroom door. He was beyond pissed, which surprised Roman who thought he'd be more worried. "Why the fuck did you let him hit you!"

Let him? Roman was now even more confused as he watched Lexie ignore Seth which was something she never did opting instead to inject Novocain in her wound. She let out a hiss at the burn, but didn't even look at them when she was done. She continued to rummage through her kit and Roman watched her inject herself with what he thought was probably some type of pain killer.

"Fucking answer me goddamnit," Seth was shouting now, but pleading at the same time.

"What the fuck did you want me to do Seth?" The use of his real name made Seth look as though she slapped him. "Fucking shoot him? There were 15 fucking people in the hallway! Not to mention the fucking cameras!"

"Fucking dodge it, you stupid bitch!" Seth shot back shaking of his hurt, and Roman grabbed him even though he was shocked to hear Seth speak to her like that.

Her head snapped towards him, and Roman was frightened by what he saw in her eyes, though her left one was almost swollen shut already.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, and Roman gave up trying to figure out what was going on to answer it. Randy followed by a slightly flustered Doc filed in. The look on Doc's face when he saw Lexie's made Roman's heart sink.

"Not going, so don't try it," she said tiredly. "It's already mostly numb."

"You need x-rays," Doc argued, but in a way he knew he wasn't going to win.

"No, I don't, I already know," she snapped. "Now just do what I ask."

Doc looked upset and a little sad, but nodded as he walked into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. Seth stormed over to the bed with angry tears in his eyes. Roman thought he'd be more concerned with what happened to Mac, because that concerned Roman greatly, but he was mad at her for something completely different.

"What the fuck is going on Seth?" Dean asked angrily, but Roman thought he looked more like he was about to be sick.

"Dumb bitch," Seth muttered through his tears which now fell faster. "She fucking let him hurt her, for me, for us!"

Roman wrapped his arms around Seth even though he couldn't sort everything out himself, because he knew he was sad.

"Who's Mac?" Dean asked after a moment with the only sound being Seth's sniffles.

"Dunno," Seth told him, though Roman had a feeling he had an idea. "He's dead though."

Roman's stomach sank suddenly hit by the way Hunter had said it, and he had no doubts. "She killed him."

Dean and Seth looked suddenly horrified, but Randy's face didn't change. "So what if she did."

"What do you mean so what?" Dean snapped, and Roman knew what was running through his mind as well as Seth's.

She obviously cared about whoever it was judging by how she paled, and if she could kill him she could kill anyone of them. Besides he now knew she had been the one to flag him, but never said anything. She was hiding so much. Yes, she said she couldn't tell them everything, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, and Randy saw it.

"You assholes are un-fucking-believable," he scoffed at them breaking them all from their thoughts. "If you think that little girl in there would hurt any of you, you don't deserve her fucking loyalty."

He made it no secret he was absolutely disgusted with all of them, and Roman suddenly felt like the biggest douche bag on the planet, so did Seth and Dean. Seth's tears renewed in earnest, but before anyone could reply Doc came out of the bathroom making them all get to their feet.

"Give her a little," he held up his hand gesturing for them to stay back looking a little frightened. "She's… just leave her alone okay?" With that he turned and left.

It was quiet for a moment when he heard something he thought he would never hear in his whole goddamned life. One of the most heart wrenching sobs he ever heard emanated from the bathroom. They all tensed suddenly looking beyond terrified, and completely heart broken. None of them were able to move as she continued to sob; even Randy was frozen on the spot.

After a few minutes Seth moved but only to cover his ears and curl up on the bed while letting his own tears fall. Roman didn't know what else to do except for lie down next to him and hold him, so he did. Both Randy and Dean seemed torn between fleeing the room completely and kicking down the bathroom door. He would've kicked it down himself if he thought that would do any good, but he knew this was probably hard enough on her as it was.

Dean lasted a couple more minutes before he couldn't take it anymore, and with his own tears in his eyes mumbled something about getting both him and Roman something to sleep in before fleeing. Randy lasted a few minutes more then left without so much as a word. If Roman thought he felt low before, that was nothing compared to how he was feeling right now.

People he loved along with himself were hurting so fucking much right now, and he didn't even know why. Just when he thought he almost had all the pieces to the puzzle someone added another thousand pieces that didn't even look like they went with the one he was trying to put together.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the bathroom door opening, which made Seth leap out of bed. He rushed Lexie and basically threw himself at her, which nearly made them both tumble to the floor, but neither seemed to care as they held onto each other. Their tears still fell, but Roman was grateful the sobbing had stopped.

"I love you," Lexie whispered to Seth after their tears stopped and she pushed him back to look at her. "I need you to know that."

"I love you too," Seth breathed out as tears started running down his face once again. "I'm so sorry," he added before his voice broke and he pulled her into another hug. "Is it broken?"

She didn't respond at all, and while Roman was glad they had fixed whatever happened between them, he was also sure her lack of response meant her orbital bone was at least fractured, and he suddenly wish he hadn't bothered holding Dean back. "Get my P.J.s?"

Seth nodded, and immediately dug through her suite case for sleeping clothes while she went and turned on the shower and got in. Roman was sort of at a loss he wanted to help, but didn't know what to do. After he put her clothes in the bathroom for her Seth reclaimed his spot curling up on his chest.

Roman tried not to think too much about everything that happened, still feeling shitty after what Randy said. Out of everyone it was Randy who hadn't so much as blinked at what happened. After everything she'd done for them they were the ones that doubted her.

A few minutes later Lexie came padding out of the bathroom and looked at him uncertainly, which made him feel even more horrible, because he'd never seen her unsure of herself. He gave her a small smile though. Then she did something that surprised him more than her crying.

Before he knew it Lexie had settled herself in his arms, much like Seth was on his other side. His surprise disappeared as he suddenly felt warm inside and pulled her as close as he could. It was strange how natural it felt to hold her. He carefully kissed her head before kissing Seth's as they both reached across him and intertwined their fingers settling their hands on his abs.

"Who was Mac to you," Seth asked sleepily with his eyes still closed.

"My partner," she replied not opening hers either.

"What happened to him?"

"I shot him in the head," she replied quietly.

Roman felt his heart sink a little, but tried to remember Randy's words and his certainty.

"I'm sorry you had to do that," Seth replied squeezing her hand tighter offering what comfort he could. She nuzzled into Roman's side but didn't reply. "That's why they're afr…?"

"Yea."

Suddenly Seth sat up startling Roman, "I can't let you…"

"You can and you will," Lexie growled at him sitting up as well.

As they stared at each other and he watched them have an entire argument with just their eyes. Suddenly he knew they were both keeping something very important from him. He would have asked, but he knew neither would tell him. It was between them, but that sinking feeling was back before Lexie face softened making Seth's do the same.

"Just…" she averted her eyes. "Just love me while you can Bambie, it's more than I deserve."

"Okay," Seth said after a moment, and Roman didn't believe him, so he knew Lexie wouldn't either, but as he settled himself back in Roman's arms she did the same.

They reached out to each other again, but were apparently done talking. He looked down at them watching their breathing begin to even out as he had another thousand pieces dumped in his lap. They were both lying to him, and he didn't know why.

Dean interrupted his pondering a little while later as he cautiously opened the door, but without any clothes. Roman saw his best friend relax when he saw both Seth and Lexie sleeping in his arms. He asked with his eyes if Roman wanted him to move Lexie to their bed, and Roman nodded though she wasn't bothering him knowing Dean needed her after everything that had happened.

Careful not to wake her Dean gently lifted her into his arms, and it was almost heartbreaking to see the way he looked at her. If he gleaned the meaning of the last conversation Seth and Lexie had she wasn't long for this world and she expected Seth to accept it.

Dean gently laid Lexie on their bed, and Roman was startled as he gasped and jumped back. Roman sat up alarmed as Dean stumbled back into him and Seth bolted upright. Roman felt like he was going to be sick when he saw what startled Dean.

Lexie's shirt had ridden halfway up her back, and there were a half a dozen thick ugly scars that looked like someone had whipped her, along with patches of scar tissue that looked like exit wounds from bullets.

"They embarrass her," Seth said quickly, but gently. "Just… just don't say anything about them, okay?"

Dean turned and looked at him wide eyed, "Who…"

"Very bad people," Seth replied still trying to tell them something. The shock of everything that had happened made it impossible for them to process it though. "Just love her while you can…"

Dean looked at him for a moment with a tear rolling down his cheek, but just nodded before climbing into bed with her. He wasn't even settled when she rolled and latched onto him revealing more scarring on her stomach. He saw Dean swallow hard, but wrap her up as tightly as he could in his arms kissing her head.

Roman shut off the light and did the same to Seth who instantly burrowed into him. Another thousand pieces were dumped into his lap as he realized however dangerous he thought this was, was nothing compared to what it really was. It was Lexie already excepted her own death dangerous.

He sat there in the dark listening to his best friend sniffling knowing he was looking down at the woman he had fallen head over heels for in such a short time. Most likely imagining how she gotten those awful scars just as he was now.

Dean had no idea how dangerous this all was, just like Roman hadn't only hours ago. He had no idea how much heart ache he was really in for. Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? Should he tell him? Lexie obviously wanted it to be a secret, and he was positive in her drugged up state she had no idea they had basically told him.

Even as all this was running through his mind, and as shitty as it made him feel, he knew they were lying to him and it made him suspicious. Seth hadn't batted an eye when Lexie had admitted she killed her partner, he only apologized. Seth knew something they didn't know that he was sure of, but how did whatever it was make it okay that she killed someone she obviously cared about. Did she care about Mac more or less than she cared about them? Seth said had to, but what dictates having to kill someone, and just killing someone?

Roman loved Lexie, he had not doubts about that, but did he trust Lexie?


	13. Chapter 13

Dean sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands very similarly to how he had been sitting in their locker room just one week ago. He could hardly believe it had only been a fucking week; so much had changed. Everything had changed. His whole life had been flipped upside down, and he had no idea how to really feel about it right now.

He did however know a couple things. One of them was he had somehow managed to fall head over heels in love with a woman who loved him the same way, but would never let it be. The other was he would take last week's pain tenfold rather than have the images stuck in his head that had kept him awake all night.

Not, that he wasn't glad that he had seen it, because he was, but he would do anything to take away her pain. Seeing it had given him another piece of the puzzle to the enigma that was Lexie, but the fact that they were there made him feel like his chest was being ripped open. He had never _seen_ anything so gut wrenching in his life.

Dean knew something about scars and what they did to a person. He had plenty of his own. It wasn't so much the scars, but how they came to be that really fucked people up. They were nothing but reminders of horrible things. He rarely let anyone see his scars either, and knew how it felt to have people ask, so he didn't want to say anything because it would dredge up bad memories, but he wanted to know how the hell she gotten them. Whatever it was it had to be horrible.

Listening to her cry last night had been the most gut wrenching thing he'd ever _heard_. Harder than listening to Roman cry, because with Roman he could at least do something, be she wouldn't have let him. He couldn't even stay there, he saw Randy leave too. He didn't go far, but far enough so he didn't have to hear it. He'd been so scared to go back, because he wanted to help so badly, but didn't know how.

When he saw both Seth and Lexie sleeping Roman's arms he felt relieved, but it had made him feel worse at the same time. He should have been the one holding her, but he had been too chicken shit to stick around. He promised himself he would never run again when she needed him no matter how hard it was for him.

On top of everything she was as cold as ice all day, and Roman wasn't making it any better. Dean personally felt like shit for even thinking that Lexie would hurt any of them. The fact that Randy had to be the one to point it out made it that much worse, but Roman seemed to be fishing for something more anyway, and it was only making her colder and pissing Seth off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Roman!" Seth shouted suddenly as the door slammed startling Dean. "Leave her the fuck alone!"

He never heard Seth use that tone with Roman, and he couldn't imagine what he'd said to cause it. Roman looked guilty and Seth looked beyond livid as Dean noticed Lexie wasn't with them.

"Where's Lexie?" He asked worriedly.

"Went to find Randy," Seth replied still glaring at Roman.

Dean felt a pang of jealousy, and he was now mad at Roman too, because obviously it was his fault she went to find Randy. "What'd you say now?"

Roman puffed up; he always did when they seemed to be ganging up on him.

"She killed her fucking partner, and you two are lying to us! How do we know she won't hurt us too?" Seth's jaw dropped and he looked like he couldn't believe what he just heard, and if he heard correctly he was going to break Roman's eye socket too. "Don't give me that fucking look! You both thought the same thing!"

"Is that why Randy said that?" Seth seemed confused for a second then absolutely furious. "Are you fucking kidding me? You two really are un-fucking-believable!"

Seth's anger was now directed at Dean as well, which he didn't like one bit, because he had seen Seth's face last night too. He had been just as terrified as they were.

"What the fuck are you glaring at me for?" Dean snapped. "You were just as scared as we were!"

"Are," smack, "you," smack "fucking," smack, "kidding," smack, "me," smack, "right," three smacks, "now!" Seth was shouting, and too angry to even punch him.

Roman pulled Seth away from him, and Seth struggled.

"Let go of me you asshole!" Seth elbowed Roman in the gut. "After everything she's done for us and you would fucking think that?!"

"You're lying to us!" Roman countered, but Dean could see he felt awful, "and Dean's right you were terrified!"

"That was because I was imagining having to put a bullet in one of you!" Seth was still shouting. "Mac was in fucking agony! She did it for him, not too him! She already feels like she's damned because of it, and you're pushing buttons because you're worried she might hurt one of us?"

"How do you know he was in agony?" Roman asked still pushing buttons. Dean figured he wanted answers, no matter how mad Seth got, and he was of the same mind. "You had to ask her who he was."

"Not who he was, you fucking prick, who he was to her!" Seth shouted. "He could've been her fucking husband for all I knew!"

"Was he?" Dean asked before he could stop himself.

"No he was her partner," Seth glared at him. "Imagine the most painful death possible and that's what he was going through, and before you even fucking bring it up she fucking flagged you because she was protecting you; all of us. With the three of us too fucked up to fight you would've been on your fucking own with no back up, and they were coming after you. Not that it would've stopped any of us, but we would have all just ended up in worse condition."

"How do you know?" Roman snapped looking guilty now, but continued to push for answers anyway. Dean was afraid he would get punched before he could get them. "I know you're lying to us!"

"Not because I fucking want to," Seth snapped though there was a little bit of guilt in his voice as well. "Lexie made me promise, so I can't flat out tell you, but if you two would get your heads out of your asses maybe you could figure it the fuck out!"

He admitted he was keeping something from them, and it was critical, but it was something they had to figure out on their own? What the fuck?

"If you're both fucking lying to us, how are we supposed to believe she won't hurt us?" Dean knew he was probably going to get punched in the face, but he didn't care. Whatever Seth was keeping from them had to do with Lexie, and knowing her it was something that could hurt her and she was doing it to protect them.

"Randy was fucking right neither one of you deserves her loyalty! She got her face broken to protect us! She is going to die to protect us, and you assholes are fucking questioning whether or not she would hurt one of us?"

Dean felt like he had swallowed a lead balloon. The way Roman reacted, or didn't react, told Dean he already knew. He was suddenly just as livid as Seth.

"What the fuck do you mean die?" Dean snapped, but Seth just glared at him. "You both fucking knew? What the fuck Seth!"

His mind was reeling and he could barely keep his thoughts straight. Lexie was going to die? She couldn't die; he wasn't going to let her, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

"I already told you both more than once! You need to learn to read between the lines! I told you she was do ANYTHING to protect me and now that's extended to you two plus Randy, and you thought she would hurt us?"

It clicked, and he realized Seth had tried to tell him. It only made him feel worse and he saw Roman felt just as shitty. They really fucked up.

"Guys," Seth's voice was suddenly gentle. "We can't let her die. I know how it will happen, I know it's to protect us, but I don't know what it means when it happens. She made me promise to let it happen…"His voice broke and Roman immediately wrapped him in his arms, which Seth allowed, then reach out to Dean who obliged as well because he needed the comfort. "We can't let it happen… training will help you guys pick up on things… just…"

"What do we do?" Roman asked gently when Seth broke off.

"Until I can figure it out," Seth replied still sniffling a little. "We have to keep her away from D.C."

The door opening interrupted them, and Lexie immediately knew something was going on. "What the hell did you tell them Bambie?"

"Nothing," Seth said too quickly, though it wasn't like he ever had a chance. Lexie would have known either way. He quickly crumbled under her scrutiny. "I told them you killed Mac because he was in pain!"

She glared at them while Randy shook his head looking disgusted with them once again.

"What Bambie didn't tell you was it was my fault he was like that in the first place. Now, if you're done fucking gossiping we have a goddamned war to win."

"Un-fucking-believable," Randy shook his head before following her out.

Seth gave them a small conspiratorially look before he followed too, and Dean suddenly realized what the little shit had done. She knew something was going on and by acting suspicious and crumbling so quickly she was satisfied she got to the bottom of it. He shook his head following as well wondering what kind of training she had been giving him.

* * *

Dean was relieved when they got to the arena because the car ride was tense. Lexie was still mad, and Randy was still disgusted with them, while Roman was racked with guilt. Seth was the only one that seemed to accept everyone else's moods without it affecting him too much, which was weird because Seth had always been a mess when it came to emotions, and Dean just felt nauseous and very irritable. What made everything worse was Randy seemed to be the only one Lexie was still willing to talk too.

They hadn't even made it in the door when some dude wearing a head set told them there was some type of meeting and they were already late. Dean didn't want to go, and neither did Roman. They said as much, but it was only met with a glares. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take the ice queen and her new side kick giving him dirty looks.

Seth saw his irritation and hooked an arm through his whispering, "She's new to emotions, give her some time."

Dean didn't even bother to try and figure out what he was talking about. The statement was ridiculous, and he was sure he was supposed to read between the lines somehow, but he was too goddamned tired for that shit and just scowled at him. It did nothing, but made both Seth and Roman give him a reassuring pat.

When they entered the room it was clear they were indeed late as everyone stared at them when they entered, well mostly Lexie. Her face was worse than when he'd accidentally collided with her. Her left eye was almost swollen shut with that whole side of her face a mixture of new and old bruises. It made his chest hurt just looking at her.

Some people gave them sympathetic nods while others narrowed their eyes in suspicion. It seemed like everything today was just pissing him off. There was so much going on inside of him he could hardly sort it out.

He was surprised when Lexie reached behind her and just as the first day they met her hand found his abdomen, but he didn't smack it away this time. This time he took her hand and intertwined their fingers, because he needed it to keep him from just going up there and punching Hunter in the face.

He would have just done it too if it had been up to him, but he remembered the first time she had done it she had been holding him off for some reason. Suddenly he knew something was about to go down.

Randy signaled for both Roman and Seth to stay back, which told Dean Randy knew what was going on. It irritated him more than it should have, but he was learning Lexie usually had a reason for everything she did.

It was a small room so everyone was packed a little tightly, but as they moved through the crowd as a unit people did their best to make a hole. Lexie shook her hand out of his, while Randy fell in step behind her effectively blocking their way, and he knew what she was going to do before she did it.

"You're fucking late, find a place so we can get started," Hunter growled at them.

"Don't worry were not staying," Lexie said sweetly when they closed half the distance to The Authority. Despite the sweetness in her voice Dean knew her intentions were anything but as her pace picked up. Hunter saw it too, but a little too late, "I believe I owe you something."

She closed the rest of the gap in two strides, and Dean didn't know such a little body could pack such a punch. He hoped the crunch he heard when her fist connected with Hunter's face was from Hunter's face and not her hand.

Hunter stumbled back holding his eye as she smiled down at him while Randy continued to block their way. Everyone let out a collective gasp seemingly in a bit of shock which kept them from moving or doing anything.

"Bitch!" Stephanie was the first to move, but that turned out to be a mistake.

She swung an opened hand at Lexie attempting to slap her in the face, but now Dean knew exactly what Seth meant by she let Hunter hit her. Lexie caught Stephanie's wrist moving almost faster than he could follow spinning them both around and pinning her arm behind her back while Stephanie's face contorted in pain.

"It's Lexie," she growled at her, but loud enough so everyone can hear it, and then looked up as she was now facing the crowd. "I've already chosen my world and who I'm going to be; now it's your turn."

Some people actually cheered and whooped, which were mostly the ones that had witnessed Hunter hitting Lexie, but others were still just standing there mouths agape.

"Touch me and I break her arm!" Lexie growled when Owens feet shuffled as he came out of his daze.

"I'll have you fucking arrested!" Stephanie snarled, but you could hear the discomfort in her voice.

"Now, we thought you would say that," Randy stepped forward smirking and pulled a video tape out of his duffel. "Which we're okay with by the way, because we have a video tape and at least ten witnesses to the fact your husband broke Lexie's orbital bone last night at our hotel. So, Lexie might get in trouble, I mean after all she is only a little girl, but your husband is definitely going to jail."

Dean couldn't help but laugh as Stephanie opened and closed her mouth like some sort of fish with her face still contorted in pain, and he had to admit what they were doing was pretty genius. Hunter paled as white as a sheet, while J and J hung their heads in shame.

"You're lying!" Stephanie snapped when Lexie finally let go and shoved her away. "She's full of shit!" She turned to Hunter now angry at him as well. "You weren't there, you said you wouldn't go!"

"I was there, I saw it," Nikki was the first to step forward along with Brie. "I'll testify."

Next Jimmy, Jay, and Naomi stepped up, nodding at Roman as they did, followed by almost everyone else that had been there. Dean was amazed. The "little people" were rising just like Seth and Lexie said they would.

"Out!" Hunter shouted suddenly with his face as red as a ripe tomato while Stephanie stumbled backwards a little seemingly in shock. "Get the fuck out! All five of you are suspended until I say otherwise!" There was a grumble of dissent throughout the crowd.

Lexie didn't argue with the suspension, so neither did they. They just calmly turned and made their way back through the crowd as The Authority stormed out a side door. Dean suspected she was glad for it, wanting to keep them tucked away for a while.

"Revolutionaries: 2; Authority: 0," Seth shouted just before they made their exit.

People who wouldn't have pissed on him if he was on fire three days ago even cheered, it was mind boggling. All 5 of them were smiling as they made their way down the hall. The mood had turned completely and Dean couldn't even find it in him to be mad at them for not telling him, because it had worked like a charm.

Dean even found the courage to reach out for Lexie's hand as they exited the building while Roman and Seth shared a few small kisses, but she hissed at him and yanked it away. It made his heart sink, but he didn't have a whole lot of time to think about it before Doc and Kane stepped out of the darkness making everyone, but Randy and Lexie tense.

"I told you to use your elbow little girl," Kane admonished gently, and she smiled at him. Dean suddenly realized Kane hadn't been with the rest of The Authority.

"Does she ever listen," Doc shook his head chuckling. Both of them were looking at her fondly like a father would a favorite daughter. It made Dean relax and he joined in with them and his brothers laughing at her. "There's some plaster in here for when the swelling goes down."

Roman reached out and took the bag from him thanking him while Lexie just nodded still smiling.

"Where are you taking them?" Kane asked suddenly very serious.

"Somewhere safe; off the books," she replied.

"Good, good," he nodded seemingly satisfied, while Dean tried to wrap his mind around the fact not only Doc was helping them, but Kane too. He wondered what kind of network she had cooked up in the two short weeks she'd been here.

It was an awkward moment while they all stood there, and he saw Seth and Roman seemed to be just as surprised as he was about everything.

"Get going," Doc finally broke the silence.

Lexie stood there seemingly choked up and unsure, but suddenly threw her arms around Doc then Kane hissing a little at the pain in her wrist, before turning away. Seth followed her lead and did the same exchanging a few words with each man, followed by Roman. Dean wasn't really that kind of guy unless it was with his brothers or Lexie, so he hesitated, but Kane didn't leave him a choice.

"You take care of that little girl," he told him seriously as he hugged him tight. Dean just nodded not sure what else to do, but hug back. Kane pulled back then patted his shoulder. "Keep an eye on her for us."

Doc pulled him in next after he nodded at Kane again still a little flustered. "Don't give up on her, son," he said quietly so only the three of them could hear. "She loves you, just give her some time to get used to feeling again, but don't give up."

Dean nodded again not knowing what to say. He felt a little guilty that Doc could tell he had sort of given up on the idea of them, not completely, but he had no idea what to do about it, while wondering what he meant about her getting used to feeling again.

Doc gave him a gentle push towards his family who were waiting for him once both men had said everything that thought they needed to. He nodded one last time and took off at a jog towards them as their laughter echoed around the dark and empty parking lot.

He felt his heart flutter as Lexie's beautiful tinkling giggle reach his ears along with the deep rumble of his brothers laughing. Right then and there he decided he was never even going to think about giving up, never again, not for one second. His new conviction encouraged him to run faster.

Without hesitation he reached out taking Lexie's good hand this time, and felt his heart sore when she let him. "Come on you barbarians," Lexie tugged on his arm and gestured towards the car. "We've got quite the drive."

"Barbarians!" Seth scoffed folding his arms in mock indignation. "You're the one that just broke your wrist punching someone in the face!"

They all laughed again though it really wasn't that funny, but the mood was making them all a little giddy. "Yea, but it was soooooo worth it."

"Where are we going by the way?" Randy asked curiously after the laughter died down.

Lexie stopped walking, but they saw she was still smiling at them with a sparkle in her eye, which told Dean she was really excited, which in turn made him and everyone else excited too. When she finally spoke shock overshadowed his and everyone else's excitement as their jaws dropped.

"My mom's house."

* * *

The financier wrung their hands together beyond livid. The little crazy bitch was ruining everything! Everything! Now she was whisking that traitorous little bastard, and his "brothers" off to god knows where! The number was for emergencies only, but this was an emergency as far as the financier was concerned.

"Thunder," a female voice answered after the first ring.

"Flash," the financier replied as instructed.

"One moment, please." The line clicked connecting to somewhere else, and after a few extended moments connected then rang three times, before a male voice answered.

"Yes," it was one word, but it was curt, and it only fueled the financier's anger.

"That little fucking crazy bitch is ruining everything! All the careful planning! She's developed an att…"

"As I've explained before," the man cut in irritably, "That is impossible."

"I know what you said," the financier hated being talked down to, "but I know what I saw."

The sigh that answered was drawn out, making anger turn into rage. "As I've said before…"

"I don't care what you fucking said! I am telling you, I know there is something wrong…"

"You don't know a goddamned thing!" The anger that answered startled the financier. "You have no idea what that little girl is capable of, I do. Some of the games she plays turn even my stomach, and you know full well that's saying something. She is undeniably the best at what she does; you have nothing to worry about. Whatever she's done it's for a goddamned reason."

The financier's jaw clenched, and the man's conviction was enough to calm some fears, but not all.

"She doesn't even know that…"

"Of course she knows," he sounded so certain.

"And it's not going to be a problem?" The financier was feeling a little more confident.

"You read her file," the man was back to short and curt.

"Yes, and I understand you put a great emphasis on her final test, but killing your partner…"

"What's not in the file is Mac wasn't just her partner," the man snapped and the financier knew they were going to be hung up on again soon. "He was her brother in law."

With that the man on the other end hung up. The man's certainty and the little tid bit at the end made the financier feel much more confident, but it was never a bad idea to have a plan "B" waiting in the wings just in case.

Many miles from where the financier was formulating a plan "B" the man who had been on the other end of the line was fingering a pink folder that had been delivered to him this morning. He hadn't been exaggerating about how good Dr. Masters was. She was undoubtedly the best in their very small world, and it didn't escape him that she was good enough to fool even him.

The man read the handwritten notes at the bottom of the last page in the file. He picked up his secure line and began dialing as he came to a decision. It was always better to be safe rather than sorry, and when it came to an asset like Dr. Masters, safe was the only way to play it.


	14. Chapter 14

Seth hadn't a clue as to where they were actually going when Lexie pulled out of the parking lot, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was a sleepy sea side community in Maryland. It was the off season, but it was still gorgeous, and decorated for Christmas which he suddenly realized was just a week away. He even got over his slight irritation with not being informed as to what the game plan was at the arena.

He felt her sadness when Lexie informed him that while yes, it was her mom's house, her parents were long gone, so now it belonged to her and her brother. He had asked about her brother, but she brushed off his question and her sadness as she snatched his hand and darted up the steps. He couldn't help feeding off her excitement giggling along with her. The others grumbled a little about leaving them with the luggage, but he knew they weren't really upset.

The house was absolutely adorable; and roomy enough for all five of them for however long they were going to be stuck there. The best part though was it was right one the beach. He couldn't help but feel a little sad it wasn't summer, though she assured him this was the best time to be here. She pulled him around pointing things out as he examined everything trying to get a better idea of what made her tic. He wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but she was almost… bubbly.

When his stomach had growled she just laughed and pulled him back down stairs. Dean and Roman were just setting down luggage looking irritated, but that quickly changed when both he and Lexie ran and launched themselves into their arms. Roman laughed as he caught him, and spun him around as Dean did the same to Lexie making her squeal with delight.

Before Roman could set him down he quickly wrapped his legs around his waist and captured his lips. He tried to put everything into the kiss and couldn't help the whimper that escaped him when it was returned with just as much enthusiasm. Every cell in his body was heating up as the kiss deepened, and he didn't care about food anymore.

"Which rooms ours?" he asked without breaking contact making even Roman chuckle. Unfortunately his stomach betrayed him only seconds later and growled even louder than before.

"Food, then fuck," Lexie giggled, and he turned to glare at her when Dean's laughing made him blush, but felt his eyes widen when he saw she was still in Dean's arms, very much like he was in Roman's.

"Does that mean me too?" Dean asked playfully with a glint in his eye making her blush and glare. Seth racked his brain to pay her back for all the embarrassing things she'd done to him, but Randy made her blush for him.

"Definitely food then fuck," he smirked coming from down the hall. "I'm starving, sorry Seth… and Lexie."

Seth pouted and laughed at the same time. Roman quieted him by kissed him hard before setting him on his feet, which he was taking as a promise. A very red faced Lexie signaled for Dean to put her down too before attempting to smack Randy who dodged it, and then scooped her up and carried her out of the house still laughing, while yelling over his shoulder for them to hurry up.

What Lexie should've said was food shopping, food, then fuck, because they had gone food shopping first much to everyone's dismay, but Lexie always felt better if she cooked everything afraid of slow acting poison or some damn thing. It took forever too, because Dean, Randy, and Roman were apparently children who constantly bickered and wanted everything. It was awful, and both he and Lexie were swearing off kids by the time they left.

Though he was slightly disappointed that they had only reached the second "f" he was still as happy as a clam sitting at the counter stealing bits of Roman's food as well as kisses while Lexie let Dean put her cast on, and Randy quietly ate just watching them all. It was almost… normal.

"If you don't stop I'll have Randy do it, at least he can follow orders," Lexie chastised as Dean flinched for the hundredth time asking if he hurt her. Seth thought it was adorable so did Roman, but it was trying Lexie's patience. "It's a cast Pretty Boy, it needs to support my wrist, you're not hurting me."

"You're wincing," Dean wanted to help so badly, but Seth had a feeling he was out of his depth, and that she would have been better off with the brace they'd gotten at CVS on the way here.

"Honey, it's a broken wrist, yes it hurts, but you need to make sure it has enough support or it won't heal right," she was speaking softly, but Dean paled considerably realizing he could be doing more damage than good.

Randy slid off the counter when he saw Dean wasn't going to be able to continue. Lexie tilted Dean's face so he was looking at her and whispered something to him Seth couldn't hear, but Dean's color returned at least as she kissed him on the cheek then spun around for Randy to finish.

"Next time you probably should let one of us punch him," Roman teased as she winced considerably when Randy started, but still managed a glare.

Randy didn't seem to be worried about hurting her so much as that it was done right. Suddenly it all clicked. Randy followed orders… that's why she brought him in. It didn't mean he didn't care of course, but he could do the hard things when it was necessary, when they couldn't. Suddenly he was very wary of them ever being alone together as he watched her grind her teeth against the pain.

"Yea, and risk an all-out brawl, I don't think so," she ground her teeth again before she continued. "I was so worried one of you numb skulls were gonna jump in and get hurt I panicked a little and swung wrong."

Though Lexie didn't mean it that way Seth suddenly felt terrible. She hadn't told them because they would've fought her on it, and the only way that could have gone down like it did was if it was her. She had to be the one to do it. It garnered sympathy "for the cause" as well as kept Stephanie from calling the cops. Even when they thought they were protecting her, they were making it harder on her; case in point a newly broken wrist.

"Which, by the way reminds me," she said happily hopping off the stool.

Seth was surprised Randy was already done, when Dean had been at it for at least 20 minutes before him without half the progress. Hurting her more by trying to protect her; Seth felt his stomach sink. What if they only made it worse by trying to save her, by stopping her from getting that shot?

"I am super proud of all of you," she kissed Randy's head first, then Dean, before skipping over to Roman, and finally him, but she froze at the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I'm okay," Seth said quickly, but he really wasn't. He had no idea if they were making a huge mistake.

"I didn't mean it that way," she looked suddenly very upset and both Dean and Roman were immediately by their side. "I'm sorry."

"No it's okay… I just didn't realize," he forced a smile while everyone looked at him concernedly, but he knew he wasn't fooling anyone.

Dean and Roman wanted to know what he just realized, but he couldn't say it in front of Lexie, because then she would know he told them she was gonna die. Randy was the only one who didn't look concerned; he just looked like he felt really sorry for him, like he knew what he figured out. Lexie's alarm on her phone went off startling everyone, and suddenly she was super excited again.

"I know what will make you feel better Bambie! I have a surprise for you!" She was giggly again and though he was still worried he was very curious. He hoped it wasn't anything to do with training. "Come on guys! We're gonna be late!"

"Where are we going?" Dean asked as she took his hand and tugged him out of the kitchen.

"D.C."

It was suddenly as if the world stopped spinning because everyone froze, and he knew Lexie knew why and it made his heart sink. They had been caught.

"Don't be silly," she admonished waving away their sudden panic. "We're going to the airport!"

* * *

Seth leaned his back against Roman's chest nestled between his legs in the cool sand as they laughed watching Lexie and Dean attempt to play fetch with Kevin, his precious pup and best buddy, with Randy sitting beside them enjoying it as much as they were. His mind was racing the whole 80 minute drive to the airport, because Lexie wouldn't tell him anything except for where they were going. She was having an amazing time having them all guess, which Seth suspected is why she wouldn't tell.

The last thing he expected was that she would have had Kevin flown up for him, because she knew he missed him so much last weekend, but that's exactly what she did. Of course his eyes immediately teared and he hugged her before letting his little buddy out of his cage knowing he was probably a little stiff from his flight. By the time they made it through what turned into rush hour traffic it was pretty late.

Lexie had decided to pick up dinner at a place she knew well. They were all a little shocked when they went in to pick it up and the old man and woman that own the placed rushed out making a huge fuss over her, but didn't bat an eye at Lexie's damaged face or broken wrist which made Seth's heart sink wondering if it was that common of an occurrence, and think of her scars. She introduced them Humberto and Ms. Izzy, along with being her segregate grandparents they were some of the sweetest people Seth had ever met, though Ms. Izzy was a little intimidating. If she said jump, even Lexie said how high.

They had left them no choice but to stay and eat there by refusing to give them their order until they agreed so they could catch up and tell embarrassing childhood stories about Lexie. They had Seth at embarrassing childhood stories, but Lexie had tried to use Kevin as an excuse. Ms. Izzy marched right out to their car and brought him back with her, even making him his own plate. They all had an amazing time, and Seth had never seen Lexie so fucking red, it was so worth putting off the last "f" on his checklist.

As soon as they got home Dean wanted to take Kevin down to the beach so they could play fetch forcing Seth to farther delay his plans. Dean loved Kevin, and Kevin loved Dean, but Kevin and Dean never loved each other at the same time. It was like a fucking soap opera.

Case in point was what was happening right now; Kevin was refusing to give Dean the tennis ball deciding he liked Lexie much better at the moment, and Dean was doing everything and anything to try and trick him. Lexie was laughing too hard to even throw the ball for him half the time, which only solidified Kevin's decision, because obviously he knew it had to be Dean's fault.

Seth leaned back into to Roman shielding himself from the cool ocean breeze thinking he'd never been so happy in his life. He tilted his head up and kissed Roman's chin. "I love you."

"I love you too," Roman gently kissed his lips, which suddenly had him debating whether or not Lexie could handle the Kevin and Dean situation on her own, and Roman saw it.

"Give them a little more time," he said chuckling making Seth shiver as he felt his chest vibrate.

Seth pouted, but had to concede to Roman as he watched Kevin dart through Dean's legs trying to get to Lexie, which made Dean fall face first in the sand, and Lexie laugh so hard it brought her to her knees while simultaneously leaving her unable to even pick up the ball Kevin had worked so hard to drop in front of her. Kevin was not amused.

"When do you think we'll get a little niece or nephew?" Randy asked suddenly making Seth and Roman look over at him in surprise. "What?"

"You think she'll give in?" Roman asked curiously.

"The only other two people I've ever seen that in love are you two, it's sickening," Randy pretended to shutter.

Seth thought about it, and it made him beyond happy to thinking of having a little bundle of joy brought into their lives, though he was a little uncertain what a child of Lexie and Dean's would turn out like. It would most likely be either the sweetest, smartest, bravest, toughest, loyal most amazingly beautiful little person; or the Anti-Christ. Seth thought he'd give it a 50-50 chance.

"Maybe they should adopt," he wasn't so sure he liked those odds.

"Have you guys thought about adopting?" Randy asked as Dean tried and tackle Kevin.

Seth sort of stiffened at the question. He never really thought of more than just tomorrow anymore, but when he looked up at Roman he saw he thought it was because he didn't want to, and he looked devastated.

"You want a family with me?" Seth asked in his surprise.

"I want everything with you," Roman said gently.

Seth's heart skipped a beat, even after everything Roman still wanted him to be his forever. Seth wanted it too more than anything in the world, but he didn't know what to expect from Roman after all that had happened and didn't want to get his hopes up.

His eyes stung with tears of joy at realizing he could still have his happily ever after despite the horrible things he'd done. Roman smiled caressing his face tenderly before kissing him gently. It was everything he wanted, and so much more than he deserved, but he would cherish every moment.

"See what I mean, sickening," Randy shuddered again, but he was watching them fondly.

"You won't be saying that when it happens to you," Roman said knowingly. "Your forever is going to come barreling into to your life one day, knock you on your ass, and turn everything upside down. You just wait, and I'll be right there holding the rings saying "I told you so"."

Randy looked hopeful, sad, happy, grateful, surprised, and doubtful all at the same time, but before Seth could tell him he deserved nothing but the best, and he would proudly stand up for him as well Kevin's barking and whining drew his attention.

"They're not even fucking adopting!" Seth snapped quickly pushing to his feet storming down the beach.

He didn't see what happened, but Lexie, Dean, and Kevin were walking back out of the freezing cold Atlantic completely soaked with Kevin shooting accusing looks over his shoulder at his playmates. He had no fucking clue how that could happen, but he knew if they didn't get inside and dry they were all going to catch pneumonia.

"Not even a goddamned goldfish!" He snapped picking Kevin up making both Dean and Lexie look confused, and Randy and Roman laugh before he stormed back up to the house.

* * *

Kevin was curled up on Lexie's belly much happier he was no longer soaked in freezing salt water, while Lexie lay almost horizontal with her head resting on Dean's chest and her legs propped up on Randy in front of the couch as they watched "Finding Nemo" which had been a thirty minute argument in itself. It was the weirdest most heartwarming thing Seth had ever seen. All four of them looked sleepy and blissful.

"Aren't they sweet," Roman whispered in his ear wrapping his arms around him from behind making his smile widen as he leaned against the wall watching them from the entrance to the hallway.

"I'm almost afraid to leave them alone. They look like little angels right now, but I know as soon as I turn my back the horns are coming out," Seth replied a little worriedly. "How the fuck did they get in the ocean?"

"I got conflicting accounts," Roman chuckled. "I'm pretty sure the only one not guilty is Kevin."

"What are we gonna do with them?" Seth chuckled too shaking his head.

"You're going to make a wonderful Dad, baby," Roman started kissing his neck making his cock swell instantly. "Wanna practice?"

"We can't make a baby," Seth laughed quietly shaking his head though he loved when Roman was like this.

"I'm willing to try," Roman nibbled at his ear making chills break out all over his body. "You know, for science?"

Roman grabbed Seth's hips and pulled him up against him grinding his hard cock against his ass while continuing to place gentle kisses down the side of his neck.

"For science," Seth replied a little breathlessly before he turned around and jumped up into Roman's arms wrapping his legs around his waist immediately capturing his lips.

Seth thanked god that their bedroom was on the first floor because he didn't want to get down. Roman's hands were massaging his ass cheeks as they walked down the hallway, while Seth nibbled on his ear getting some of the sexiest moans he'd ever heard.

A humph escaped him as Roman kicked the door shut and tossed him on the bed, which only served to get him going even more. Their first time after they'd gotten back together was a little tentative, and while it was amazing and special, he loved when Roman was like this.

"See if there's a lock on the door," Seth said as he slid off his basketball shorts knowing neither Dean nor Lexie would bother knocking, and he was sure he could add Randy to that list too.

"Let them watch," Roman growled as he quickly stripped as well before climbing onto the bed with him. Roman was already as hard as Seth which made his cock twitch in anticipation.

"Baby," Roman growled again sucking one of his sensitive buds into his mouth before nibbling on it and quickly making his way up to Seth's mouth which he captured in a searing kiss. "I love you, but right now, I need to fuck you."

Seth didn't answer, but bit down on his lover's bottom lip causing that sexy deep rumble he loved so much before he push him back so he could get on his hands and knees. He'd been waiting for this all day, and wanted nothing more right now that for his boyfriend to fuck him through the mattress, which he did.

It was rough and almost animalistic, but full of love at the same time. Seth didn't care that there were other people in the house has Roman yanked his head back pulling his hair as he pounded into him causing all sorts of sounds to emanate from him, "Cum for me baby…"

The breathless huskiness in his voice almost did him in right there. Seth needed no extra stimulation when less than a minute later he was crying out Roman's name as he came harder than he ever remembered in his life. A few strokes later and Roman was right behind him.

Seth went down on his belly and felt Roman slide out of him as he did, before he felt the older man flip him over and settle over top over him trying to catch his breath in between kisses. Even after they caught their breath neither wanted to move. Roman rolled off of him, and pulled the blankets down so they could crawl under them then pulled him flush against him kissing him hard both silently agreeing they would worry about cleaning up in the morning.

Seth drifted off to sleep in Roman's arms with a smile plastered on his face in a cocoon of bliss forgetting about all the bad stuff, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Today had been amazing, and while it may not have been perfect, it was perfect for him and his new family. Nothing had ever felt more right in his life.


	15. Chapter 15

Roman awoke the next morning with a smile on his face remembering last night. Immediately he began debating the best way to wake Seth up for another round. That was until he realized what woke him was Kevin scratching at the door. Seth rolled over covering his head with a pillow making Roman sigh a little sadly knowing that meant not only his plans would have to wait, but he had to get out of the warm comfy bed to walk him.

Kevin happily ran circles around his legs making him chuckle a little as he tried to remember where his leash was. He stopped dead in his tracks when he entered the living room to begin his search to find Dean, Lexie, and Randy still sprawled on the floor and curled around each other sound asleep.

Roman glared at Kevin accusingly who merely tilted his head making him sighed again and pat him gently knowing he couldn't really blame the little guy. If he were Kevin he'd be a little leery about going outside with them too after the ocean fiasco.

It was chilly, but beautiful as he let Kevin take his time exploring the new environment, while he thought about Seth, and how they would add a tiny bundle of joy to their family one day. When he thought about the Christmas present he'd gotten for him it made his heart flutter nervously. He hoped it would make Seth as happy as it would make him.

It was all a little overwhelming at times, but still perfect in almost every way. Things were sketchy as of late, but the way he felt yesterday, and even in this moment wasn't something he'd be willing to trade for anything. The sketchiness was hard to completely ignore though.

Roman had never felt anything like when the words "D.C." had left Lexie's mouth. The whole world stopped and he could barely breathe. Seth seemed to have realized something yesterday on top of everything else, but with all the chaos they never talked about it. Randy had looked at Seth like he felt sorry for him and that had made Roman's heart sink even more so.

It was all still just as confusing as in the beginning, but he knew he would do anything to protect his quirky little family, and that included Lexie. In his pondering he hadn't realized they'd made it back to the house, until Kevin began trying to pull him forward in earnest as laughter emanated from what he thought was the kitchen.

"Ouch!" he heard Dean exclaim as he let Kevin off his leash and he darted into the kitchen barking happily. Their laughter made his heart sore, but he followed him somewhat cautiously afraid of what he might find as Dean let out a yelp.

"Hey buddy!" Randy hopped of the counter when he saw Kevin and picked him up to pet him, and feed him a piece of bacon. It made him smile at how happy Kevin looked as Randy set him down letting him chomp away. If Seth had been awake he never would have allowed it.

"How come Randy gets bacon?" Dean pouted folding his arms when Randy grabbed another piece for himself smiling pointedly at Dean. "Why didn't you hit him with your pitch fork, huh Satan!"

"Because Randy hasn't been trying to eat every piece I take out of the frying pan!" Lexie snapped holding the rather large fork she was using to turn the bacon up threateningly.

Roman chuckled feeling blessed, not only had his best friend finally found his one and only in Lexie, but she could undoubtedly handle him, and while Randy was a somewhat surprising addition he was no less grateful he was there too.

They all turned when he chuckled and started laughing in a way that made his cheeks heat a little, especially when Lexie bowed to him, but it was nothing compared to seconds later when Seth entered the kitchen rubbing his eyes sleepily looking so adorable it made Roman's chest ache, and they began cheering and whistling. Seth scowled, but smiled a little as he buried his head into Roman's chest trying to hide his blush wrapping his arms around him.

"I knew you were a screamer Bambie," Lexie teased, making Seth turn a deeper shade of red.

"You're just jealous!" Seth shot back when the laughter died down after a moment.

"Goddamned right I'm jealous, everyone…" She stopped and abruptly spun around whacking the back of Dean's hand with her "pitch fork" making him yelp again as he grabbed for another piece of bacon while she was distracted. "I said no!"

"Maybe he wouldn't be so ornery if you would just give it up," Seth narrowed his eyes making Lexie blush a little and Seth delight in the laughter that wasn't directed at him.

"Yea!" Dean agreed reaching in again, "It's your fault! I deserve bacon; you didn't give it up!"

"Keep touching the fucking bacon and I never will," Lexie smacked him again. Now it was Dean's turn to blush, but he suddenly looked very hopeful.

Roman suddenly felt Randy had been right in his surety Lexie would give in, and if it was possible it made him just that much happier.

"You know, I bet Lexie's a screamer too," Seth giggled over the laughter as he truly relished in his payback.

Roman couldn't help wrapping him up tighter in his arms and kissing his head trying to soak up all his cuteness.

"Of course I am," Lexie scoffed indignantly before turning on Seth with raised eyebrows. "Do you really think I'm the kinda girl that makes love, Bambie?"

Everyone including Randy raised their eyebrows at her devious smirk as she winked at Roman, who was sorely tempted to join in because the laughter was making his heart feel light, but decided it was too early to tease his little love bug too much.

Lexie seemed a little disappointed, but just shrugged before her eyes sparkled with excitement like she just thought of something, "Guys, hurry up and eat so we can go get a Christmas tree!"

Her excited exclamation seemed to get everyone moving, and Seth's residual embarrassment vanished without a trace as Lexie turned again and they shared a quick knowing look that made both their eyes sparkle. Roman was suddenly positive they were all going to pay for their behavior in the grocery store yesterday and with interest.

Even with that certainty he still just shook his head a little smiling and stole a kiss from Seth. As weird as they all were, and as much teasing and bickering went on, he didn't think he could love any of them anymore than he did in that moment. It all only solidified his decision to keep every single one of them safe and sound no matter the price.

* * *

Roman's resolve to keep them all safe and sound had slightly wavered a few hours later as he contemplated strangling them all himself. Lexie and Seth were arguing with Dean and Randy about which tree they should get. Lexie and Seth wanted a fuller tree, while Dean and Randy wanted the taller tree. Honestly, they looked exactly the same to Roman who didn't care which tree they got as long as they fucking picked one.

The tree guy that had been standing there for the last 30 minutes also waiting for them to make a decision looked somewhere between amused at their bickering and horrified at the creative threats they were casually tossing at each other. He looked at Roman for a little help when Lexie stepped up and got in Dean's face who naturally refused to back down.

He seemed a little nervous about the fact that Lexie looked like she had recently been hit by a truck, and that everyone else seemed to be sporting faded bruises and stitches as well. "She's not the one you have to worry about getting hurt." Roman assured him making him relax a smidge.

Despite offering reassurances Roman was a little worried it might actually come to blows soon, and decided he better not risk it.

"Knock it off!" He shouted over the arguing.

All four of them clamped their mouths shut and looked at him like kicked puppies pouting and folding their arms. Tree guy suddenly looked even more worried now that all four of them were focused solely on Roman. Their pouts weren't fooling anyone.

"No," Roman held up his hand when Dean opened his mouth to start arguing again. "Not another word out of any of you," he was almost positive tree guy was going to have a heart attack when pouts turned into glares, but he ignored that and them making an executive decision, "we'll take them both."

"Both?" They all said together narrowing their eyes like he was trying to trick them.

"Yes, both," Roman replied gesturing for tree guy to start cutting. "You can have a decorating contest or plant them in the yard for all I care, whatever you want… just fucking stop."

Tree guy still hadn't moved and seemed to be trying to decide whether he should run if they attacked or try to use his ax to help Roman, and was visibly relieved neither action proved necessary.

All four of them broke out in wide grins. Lexie and Seth ran to him giggling delightedly causing every ounce of his recent irritation to melt away as he got hugs and kisses. All the irritation was worth it he thought as they then began talking excitedly about what they were going to do to their tree, while Randy and Dean fist bumped seemingly having made their own plans.

"Both, then," tree guy nodded chuckling a bit, but still clearly relieved.

Roman nodded and couldn't help smiling proudly feeling like he totally had this dad thing down.

* * *

They were at the close of another chaotic day as they pretended to admire the two very different trees from the tinsel covered floor where they were all stretched out each lost in their own thoughts. He had Seth wrapped up in his arms as tightly as he could, while Dean and Lexie lay almost on top of them in a very similarly with Randy once again being used as a footstool by Lexie as he lay horizontally at their feet with Kevin snoring on his chest.

The actual decorating had gone much the same as picking the trees. Roman chose to sit a safe distance away with Kevin as they watched Seth and Lexie make their vision for their tree a reality, while Randy and Dean threw tinsel at theirs, and everything else. Not to mention covertly steeling the popcorn Seth had made to use as decoration, hence the safe distance.

Roman had been banned from helping since it was his idea he had to be the judge. Apparently he, Dean and Randy had been on the same page as far as that went by the way they had haphazardly decorated their tree, or maybe they thought they did a good job. Roman wasn't really all that sure.

As far as he was concerned it didn't matter one iota whose tree was actually better, and he wasn't embarrassed to admit it either. Lexie was more terrifying than Randy and Dean combined, and Seth controlled his sex life; absolutely no contest.

It wasn't long before all hell broke loose though. Seth finally caught Dean as he snuck a handful of popcorn and jumped on his back before he could get away making Kevin hop of his lap and start barking excitedly. Then Lexie took Randy out as he grabbed a handful for himself thinking she was distracted, while Roman was busy questioning his dad skills as he tried to figure out whether he should break it up or join in.

It was sort of a free for all and everyone was laughing and shouting while Kevin barked happily running around. That was until Lexie, who had just managed to make Randy submit and promise to never eat popcorn for the rest of his life, tackled Dean who was besting Seth, into the tinsel tree. Dean and Randy's tree wobbling dangerously had everyone's full attention until Lexie's phone rang.

She had quickly suppressed the fear in her eyes, and pushed to her feet grabbing a piece of the coveted popcorn and popped it in her mouth glaring at Dean and Randy playfully trying to ignore the fact they all knew what that phone call meant.

Roman felt devastated, but numb at the same time, and knew the others felt the same way when they all just stayed exactly where they were seemingly unable to move. It seemed everyone including Randy had been waiting for that phone call, but never actually thought it would come. It didn't matter that it could've been anyone or anything they all just knew.

Roman had no idea what to think or do, but Seth's sniffling made him act, and he made his way over to him and wrapped him in his arms as tight as he could. His movement seemed to pull Randy and Dean out of their own heads and they joined them with tears in their eyes. Roman was surprised to find tears rolling down his own face, not because he wasn't sad or hurting, but because he didn't even feel them start.

"What are we gonna do?" Seth spoke first through his tears.

"Well tie her up if we have to," Roman replied firmly rubbing his back as comfortingly as he could manage under the circumstances.

"That's not what he meant," Randy said quietly after a moment. "He's talking about whether we should stop her or not."

Dean's head whipped around the same time as Roman's, but what was even more unbelievable than Randy's words was the look on Seth's face that told them that Randy was right. They all took a step away from each other. Roman immediately thought of whatever Seth realized yesterday, and it made him extremely nauseous.

"Guys, what if we only make it worse by trying to stop her?" Seth's voice was barely a whisper.

"What could be worse than her dying?" Dean snapped through his own tears, channeling his hurt into anger as usual.

"For us or for her," Randy's voice was calm, but it was plain he was just as torn up as the rest of them.

Roman was suddenly acutely aware Randy had more answers than the rest of them, including Seth, but was having trouble wrapping his brain around the fact they were actually even entertaining the idea of whether or not to let someone they all loved willingly go to her death for any reason. Dean seemed to realize what Roman had, but didn't care, because no reason was ever going to be good enough for him. Seth still tried to explain none the less.

"Dean," Seth said gently taking his hand with pleading eyes, which Roman was surprised Dean allowed. "She never told us what was happening at the arena, because we would have fought her on it, and even then she still broke her wrist because she was afraid we weren't going to follow orders. When you were helping with her cast you were so worried about not hurting her…" Roman saw both Dean and Seth's tears begin to falling faster, as Seth trailed off a little but forced himself to continue to his point. "Yes, when Randy did it, it hurt more in the moment, but it was over much quicker and done right in the end. We're hurting her more by trying to protect her."

"How does that make letting her die okay," Roman felt his stomach sink, because they were making sense, but dying?

"I don't know," Seth was struggling with his own logic. "I just… what if?"

Dean yanked his hand out of Seth's and Roman couldn't blame him. They were asking them to let a woman who had given them everything without expecting a single thing in return to die, who fixed things they thought were unfixable; who brought laughter, happiness, sunshine, and light back into their lives because of what ifs.

"What if," Dean's voice was choked with emotion and hardly a whisper.

Roman pulled him into his arms unable to even fathom what he was going through. The thought of losing Lexie hurt enough without him even being able to comprehend what it would be like if it ever happened, but losing Seth… he'd never make it. He couldn't watch Dean go through that for a, what if.

"No, what if isn't good enough," Roman said firmly. "Lexie would never do anything to hurt any of us, ever. She has given us everything with no regard for herself, and we're not going to pay her pack by letting her willingly go to her death for any reason."

He felt Dean shudder a little but nod in agreement and thanks, because Roman was saying what he couldn't put into words. Seth moved forward and Roman pulled him into his arm too knowing he was saying what he was saying out of love as Randy's eyes flashed to Seth for a moment then back to the rest of them.

Randy was watching them looking more torn than he had before; as though he might break. Roman almost felt like he was praying they could sway him. He suddenly saw Randy had been carrying a ridiculously heavy burden alone. He reached out to Randy and pulled him in their teary group hug.

"It'll all work out," Seth said wrapping his other arm around Randy, and Roman felt relieved when Dean did the same. "Lexie says it gets worse before it gets better, and Lexie hasn't been wrong yet."

Seth's words were meant to be comforting and reassuring, but Randy looked like he had been slapped, because it was true, and she made the decision they wanted to take from her.

"Yes she has," Dean spoke with a longing that made Roman's heart ache for him, and a conviction he could feel in his bones. "She thinks she doesn't deserve to love or be loved, that she doesn't deserve us, but that's bullshit. We don't deserve her. You guys were the ones that jumped on us, and now you want to let her fucking die for a, what if? Letting her die just solidifies her conviction that she doesn't deserve anything. I'm not willing to let her think that for one moment; no matter the price."

Roman couldn't help but smile at his best friend though the situation didn't really call for it. Seth just buried his face ashamed, confused, and so sad, while Randy looked like he had found that ledge to hang on to, though his eyes kept darting to Seth uncertainly.

Roman's smile widened, but his tears fell faster as he thought of Lexie snapping at him telling him Dean was much more clever than they gave him credit for the first night they met, and though he already knew it was true, it warmed his heart to know she had looked past what everyone saw right away and knew he was special. She thought they were all special, and they knew she was too, even if she didn't believe it.

Dean was right, they couldn't let her for one moment think she was right, because she deserved everything as far as he was concerned, but Randy was still making him uneasy with his eyes continuously darting to Seth. Before they could come to a unified decision Lexie sneezed behind them startling them making their heads snap around.

"Can… can we all stay down here tonight?" She asked cautiously and quietly after a moment.

Roman's chest ached just looking at her. He could see she had been crying again, which caused her eyes to puff up, and make her damaged face look even worse as she stood in the hallway clutching a small blue blanket so unsure of herself. They all nodded unable to find the words.

None of them mentioned the situation at hand though it was obviously tearing them all up as they all curled up on the floor not even bothering to make up excuses for the fact they all seemed to needed to be touching each other in some way.

That was how they all came to be laying on the tinsel covered floor not speaking just thinking. It was an impossibly difficult situation, and they had no idea how long they had to do god knows what. Roman didn't want to ask because he was afraid it would make her pull away from them, so he just prayed Seth could read her well enough to know when they needed to act.

Seth and Lexie's hands suddenly reach out for each other as they both snuggled deeper with their eyes closed much like they had only a few nights ago. Roman knew they were going to get some kind of answer.

"When," was all Seth whispered and though it was barely audible Roman felt everyone hold their breath along with him.

"Monday," she replied just as quietly squeezing Seth's hand.

Seth didn't reply and neither did anyone else, what could they possibly say? It was quiet for a moment before Randy pushed to his feet and curled up on the other side of Lexie and Dean taking her other hand. His movement along with confirmation of the when made them all push in closer and squeeze each other a little tighter.

Monday... Roman's heart broke, and even with the last few weeks of ups and downs, he thought this was probably the lowest he'd ever felt in his entire life as Seth's silent tears soaked into his shirt. He looked over at Dean who looked like his world had just come to a screeching halt unable to even find his tears as he held onto Lexie as though she was the only thing keeping him grounded. Randy's eyes were scrunched shut as though he was in an unbelievable amount of pain, while Lexie held on to all of them trying to give them whatever strength she had.

It hurt so fucking bad and Roman had no idea what the hell they were going to do. Once again time was running out...


	16. Chapter 16

Randy's heart had been in his throat all day. When he'd woken up this morning to find only Dean, Seth, and Roman he'd panicked and bolted out the front door startling them all awake, and causing them all to rush after him in their sleepy dazed states just as terrified as he had been.

Relief washed over him when he saw their SUV still in the drive way. He hadn't believed Monday for one second. Not, because he didn't trust her per say, but because she had been so concrete in her decision, and as much as he loved them, Dean and Roman had the worst poker faces he'd ever seen. Randy was positive they had less time than she led them to believe.

His relief quickly disappeared and he was awash with guilt and shame when Lexie suddenly appeared at the top of the steps clearing her throat. A collective sigh of relief left all of his brothers as they rushed her, but he was frozen on the spot at the accusatory and disappointed glare she shot over their heads as they hugged her.

She had been counting on him, and he had let her down. It only made him feel that much worse along with the impossible circumstances they were dealing with. Randy had been resolute to do what she asked and accepted it for what it was.

He was only seeking to make it as easy on her as he could, because he loved her more than he ever thought possible. He loved his new brothers just as much, and though it would probably be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, it was for them too; to protect all of them.

Randy was no stranger to playing the lesser of the two evils. He had been playing so long it hardly took him any time at all to weigh his options and choose; and he had made his choice.

His heart broke when he saw Seth realize what they would have to do. It was even worse listening to him try and explain it to Dean and Roman, who would never understand, because they had no answers.

They had wanted to know what could be worse, but Randy couldn't tell them, because he'd promised. They had no idea what the "what if" was, but Randy was sure that if they did they would be on their side... that was until last night.

Dean of all people began the crumbling of what was his resolve. He was right. Lexie believed she deserved nothing and no one, that she wasn't good enough; that was bullshit. Letting her make this decision was letting her think they thought the same and had no faith in her, which was far from the truth. They had more faith in her than she had in herself by a long shot.

He had agreed because of everything she done not only for him, but what he'd seen she'd done for his brothers as well, and that's what made him say yes. He prayed it would never come to pass, but here it fucking was and she expected him to keep his word; he could hardly breathe.

She had sent the others in the house ahead of her, but only to glare at him one last time. His heart plummeted. Regardless of how he decided to proceed with his crumbling resolve he would get no more answers. He had failed his test, and she was letting him know it.

Randy was unsure things could possibly get any worse until he saw what she'd been doing in the kitchen besides making them breakfast. She was sick, and judging by the temperature on the thermometer she had abandon when he had so recklessly run out the door no amount of Tylenol was going to help them now.

Seth saw it too and immediately lost his shit. It was so fucking heart breaking, and he knew in his heart of hearts that even if Seth knew what the "what if" was he wouldn't bat an eye; he would save her no matter what. Roman and Dean struggled to comfort him, but it was no use, and Randy realized just how devastating it was truly going to be. The "what if" didn't seem so important in that moment...

At a loss and knowing there was nothing he could do for any of them Randy just finished making breakfast as Lexie led Seth away. Dean and Roman sat at the counter trying to quell their pain. Randy felt like he would do anything to just be numb; to stop all the ripping and tearing and heartache.

The rest of the day had been spent with them all in a daze as Seth tried to shove Tylenol down Lexie's throat and took her temperature every ten minutes, before bursting out in tears when it wouldn't go low enough.

Poor Dean and Roman were at a loss, especially when Roman had tried to comfort him by telling him he was doing a good job and it was working when her temperature reached 99.1. So much heartache and pain for something that may not even happen…

As shitty as Lexie was feeling she tried to be strong enough for all of them and to keep smiling, but after that she had put Seth to bed. They were gone long enough that Randy knew she was talking to him and asking him for the only thing she would allow herself, and that was for him to love her for whatever time she had left.

He watched her do the same with Roman and Dean. Roman seemed to try to understand, and be as strong as he could, but it didn't help. The only thing he could do when she was done was kiss her head and go check on Seth.

Dean on the other hand just absolutely shattered the rest of Randy's heart, and he watched Lexie's shatter too. She undoubtedly loved Dean as much as he loved her, but without telling him the why he just couldn't understand. Randy had to leave.

That was how he ended up where he was on the porch in the middle of December pretending to watch the waves shivering as he fell apart. When the door slid open he knew it was his turn, and suddenly he was so fucking angry at her for putting them all through this. His head whipped around and he glared at her, but the look on her face stopped him in his tracks.

She was barely holding it together and had spent one of her last days on earth trying to comfort people she loved, and had to watch the devastation she was leaving behind believing she was preventing something much worse.

He opened his arms to her and she curled up and cried. She had told him he was her rock and if that's all he could do in such a hopeless situation then that's what he would do. So he just held her as she cried, and he cried too, but he knew he had to at least try.

"Why?" Randy said quietly after a while.

"You know why," her voice told him between all the emotions and the fever her fight was almost gone, and this may be his last chance.

"But it might not…"

"Randy, honey I love you very, very much," she lifted her head to look at him, and it took most of the strength she had left. "I know it's not easy, it's not easy for me either. Yes, it devastating, but imagine the consequences if I don't."

"Lex," he heard her argument and it was persuasive, but he wasn't sure he could accept it. "What if, isn't enough for them…" he left the "or me" out knowing he needed her to trust him if he had a prayer. "I know Seth would tell you to go fuck yourself, and Roman too, and Dean… poor Dean, Lex, can't you see what you're doing to him? No explanation will ever be good enough for him."

Mentioning Dean was a low blow, and Randy knew it, but he needed her to see their side. He wasn't exactly sure when it became "their" side, but there it was. He knew how much she loved Dean. He was her forever as much as she was his, but she didn't think she deserved anything, let alone a forever. He had felt a similar way until she came barreling into his life making him feel like he was worth everything and deserved everything, just like she had for the others.

"That's not fair and you know it," she found some fight, which made Randy feel like he was getting somewhere. "I love him too, he knows that, even if it's difficult for him to see it right now. I love you all. Imagine what would happen if my "what if" that's not good enough comes to pass. You would lose me anyway, and so much more."

That was true and the point that swayed him in the first place, but Dean was right she didn't think much of herself. She didn't even see herself as a person anymore.

"I don't think it will…"

"I don't care what you think," she snapped. "You have no fucking clue what I am capable of. The things I've done that I have to live with, and I'm not willing to even risk what you're asking me to for one fucking second."

Randy looked at her doubtfully because he never believed she would actually do it for one fucking second.

"Don't give me that fucking look Randy," she had found more fight than he thought was possible and his heart sank realizing it was to convince him, not because he was convincing her.

She wanted his resolve to be as strong as hers was, to make it as easy on him as possible, and she was using the last bit of whatever strength she had to do that.

"I won't be me anymore. I'll be a shell of the person you care about, and I won't care about any of you either, besides I'm actually sick. They'll wait an hour maybe, but it won't make a difference; it's meant to be."

"Meant to be my ass," Randy knew she probably told Seth that too. Sure going in the ocean was an accident, but not what happened afterwards. "Before you can even say Dean and Kevin aren't sick that's because you waited outside for an hour before I came and got you while everyone was distracted, you're lucky you didn't die of hypothermia."

"Would've been much less painful," she grumbled so quietly he was sure he wasn't supposed to have heard it, but it made him feel nauseous anyway.

He pushed that aside and continued to his point, she was the most stubborn individual he'd ever fucking met, and way too smart to be tricked into anything. Maybe if he played to the emotional part of her that she had yet learned to rein in completely again he could win.

"Lex, you said yourself you were left with no choice… even you're brother…"

"Randy you're not fucking listening." She snapped her eyes filling with unbidden tears once again.

It hurt him to even think about what she'd gone through, and she saw it.

"Randy…" she took a deep breath. "It wasn't like that. I never felt it, I never felt anything... even as I watched my brother fall apart… the warning was a cognitive decision. My brother thought that's what broke me, but it wasn't… and even after that the things I did…"

He could see she was now feeling three years' worth of pain and sorrow as she trailed off. He suspected it was part of the reason she made the decision, but he pushed anyway, he had to try, for him and for their brothers.

"Lex," he knew he was pleading, but he didn't care at this point. "You said it was a choice. I don't believe for one second…"

"That's a fucking theory," she snapped, but she was pleading as well now too. "I am not willing to risk it on a theory. It may be that way, but what if it's not? What you're asking me to risk… what I would have to live with, whether I feel it or not; I know it… you wouldn't risk it either if you were in my shoes."

He could see she wasn't to be swayed, and it hurt even more that she was right. He wouldn't risk it if he were her, and neither would the others. They would all gladly go to their deaths if they believed as she believed, but he also knew Lexie, just like them, would go to any lengths to prevent that regardless of the risk to themselves. Love was funny like that…

"I wouldn't," he conceded as his heart sank realizing just how much of a lost cause it really was.

He wrapped her in his arms as tightly as he could as she began crying again in earnest. He knew it was in part because of relief, but also because she was sad and hurting. She wasn't afraid to die by any means, someone who lived like she had accepted their mortality long ago and it ceased to affect them, but she hurt and cried for the pain of those that she loved so much.

After everything she had given them could they ask that of her? Ask her to risk something none of them would ever be willing to risk, and then live with the devastating results in any state of mind?

"Randy," she said after a while and he nodded unable to speak. "I love you."

He nodded again feeling like he was being ripped apart for the hundredth time since he met her. He knew she loved him, and he was grateful for it, and everything she had done for him. Thanks to her he would never have to be alone again, if he could make this just a tiny bit easier on her it seemed like it was the least he could to repay something that meant so much to him.

She looked up at him with a weak tired smile and he did his best to return it. "I'll take care of them Lex," he promised knowing it would ease her guilt a little. "I promise."

Though her eyes were still wet, and she looked worn out beyond what he thought was possible the gratitude that radiated from every fiber of her being made him feel like he was maybe doing the right thing.

She brushed her lips against his so lightly it almost felt like they were being brushed by the wings of a butterfly, but he felt it in his soul…

It made him feel nothing aside from love, because their relationship wasn't like that, but a gesture that was supposed to show how much she had love him, and how grateful she was only served to confuse his resolve farther...

Unbidden a conversation he had with Roman the day after he had realized and decided he truly didn't have to be alone anymore popped into his head. Randy had wanted to explain to Roman how sorry he really was, but Roman brushed it off, telling him he understood.

He had recounted everything that happened since that horrible night all the way up to sitting with him in that moment. Not, because he wanted him to feel bad, but because he wanted him to see that they all understood making shitty choices and every single one of them had forgiven Randy wholeheartedly.

"We all made mistakes we thought were unforgivable," he'd sort of laughed and shook his head. "but here we are together again, and we're grateful you're here too."

He had gone on and explained how Lexie had helped Seth see they had a right to know he was running out of time, and how the same logic had made him see Dean had a right to know not only about that, but everything else too. Though the decisions had been made to protect one another, it had been selfish, and had that logic not been thrown in their faces everything they had now wouldn't be possible.

It was a random errant thought, and he was sure it popped into his head as his heart's last stitch effort to hang onto the ledge that Dean had offered him, but the logic was sound…

Was it really Lexie's decision to make for them, even if it was to protect them? Did he allow her to make it for all of them?

Before Randy could really analyze his new epiphany the door slide open, and Seth, Dean, and Roman stood their looking just as heartbroken as before, but determined.

"We're sorry," Seth spoke first surprisingly keeping it together.

"We understand," Roman added as a tear slid down his cheek.

Though they seemed to be clutching each other for strength Randy could see they actually meant it. Lexie relaxed seeing it too.

"W… we'll love you while we can," Dean's voice broke making Lexie get off his lap to go comfort him.

Randy couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing; it made him nauseous. Just as he was rejecting it, they were accepting it. They looked no less devastated than he felt, but they were where he was before he had remembered the conversation with Roman.

It was all so up and down and back and forth he absolutely had no idea what to think now. They all hugged her and kissed her murmuring I love yous, while he sat their frozen. Lexie's belly growled making them all laugh and snapping him out of his daze.

Seth suggested she take a break from cooking and they go see Ms. Izzy and Humberto, because Kevin loved Ms. Izzy's cooking. She readily agreed seemingly relieved as she went to go get changed. Randy just stood on the porch blinking at them for a moment.

"Come on, buddy," Roman smiled at him and wrapped an arm around him tugging him back into the house. "You're gonna catch pneumonia if you stay out here any longer."

Randy couldn't shake his disbelief and they saw it and laughed at him, which made him angry. "Randy, relax," Seth whispered hugging him while Dean kissed the side of his head, which turned anger into confusion. "We're not…"

Lexie and Kevin came bounding down the steps cutting them off looking much better, though unbelievably exhausted, than she had all day ready to go as she tossed Randy his jacket. His brothers gave him quick what he thought might be a conspiratorial looks, but with everything running through his head he couldn't be sure.

Were they really prepared to let Lexie die, or did they have a plan?

* * *

Randy blinked a few times and squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember what the hell happened…and how he got in his bed?

With a start he jumped out of bed, and bounded down the hall and down the stairs. The events after his conversation with Lexie were hazy, but suddenly he knew she already left.

They had gone to dinner, and laughed and joked like everything was normal; trying to make whatever time their crazy beautiful infuriating little girl had left as pleasant as possible. He remembered trying to decide whether or not his brothers had really accepted it all or had come up with a plan… and still being so confused and torn himself.

Ms. Izzy had been teasing Dean asking if he'd bought a ring yet and about giving her some grand-babies making him blush and the others laugh… when Humberto and Lexie came out with tea for Lexie and hot chocolate for everyone else… then… nothing.

The realization hit him as he skidded to a halt at the kitchen counter. They had been drugged. Lexie as always was one step ahead of them. Carefully laid out were letters addressed to each of them along with Ms. Izzy, Humberto, and Gavin with a cell phone placed carefully on top of the letter for Gavin.

Randy's brain was still fuzzy from the drugs, but even as he stood there struggling he knew Ms. Izzy and Humberto had helped Lexie, and that was most likely why she had so readily agreed to eat out. Even as they helped her do what she thought she needed to do Ms. Izzy had been subtly reminding them all not to give up…

She made Dean think of the future he could have with her… went on about how amazing it was that Roman and Seth had made it through the ups and down, but disguised it as berating "young people these days"… She had even told stories about how Lexie had always thought she was right, and pointed out many cases in which she had been wrong while looking pointedly at Randy…

Randy was still just as confused and torn as he'd ever been. He looked at all the neatly addressed envelopes. He didn't know exactly how long ago she had left, but it had to have taken her time to write all of those…

He still didn't know whether or not his brothers had actually accepted it all, or were still counting on Monday. He had made a promise, one that he fully intended to keep at the time, but what if she was wrong… was it their decision to make for their brothers?

Suddenly he remembered the night they had brought him into the fold. Every single one of them had offered him a choice… he had promised… but he could still offer them a choice an opportunity...

He reached up and yanked down the rack over the island that was holding at least a half a dozen heavy pots. The noise it made was ear splitting in the dark and eerily quiet house…

Time had run out...


	17. Chapter 17

At the same time her brothers were being startled awake Lexie was parked as close as possible to her destination in a no parking zone, so as to leave Gavin a trail of bread crumbs. Of course he would know where she went, but she would need to leave physical evidence such as a ticket or a tow slip, because she had no doubt they would cover their tracks, and no idea what they were going to do with her body.

She took a few moments to gather herself wiping her face of any evidence of her recent tears before continuing on to her deserved end.

It was a good thing she was actually sick, because it had taken her longer than anticipated to rein it all in, and she wasn't so sure it was all gone. She suspected it was because she wanted to feel it; after so long of not feeling anything at all even the pain almost felt… good.

Amongst the many surprising things she'd learned in the last few weeks that she knew to be true with every fiber of her being, she had learned that to possess the ability to have your heart broken was a gift.

Leaving the letters was the only way she could say good bye, and tell them all what they meant to her, and how much she loved them… how they had saved her… She owed them everything and so much more, and she hoped that they could get past their hurt and anger long enough to take her final messages for each of them to heart.

Taking the choice out of their hands, and doing what she'd done had been the only way to protect them from, what for them would have been an impossible decision. Humberto and Ms. Izzy had fought her on it, but she had been adamant, because it was the same thing Mac had tried to save her brother from all those years ago, and though it didn't turn out quite like Mac had planned, which was just the first on the long list of her many, many sins, she had never doubted his logic only his decision.

Lexie wished now with everything she was that she would have thought to do it first, but she was also someone who learned from her mistakes, and unwilling to even entertain the idea of putting it to some kind of fucked up macabre vote, or listen to futile arguments about options that weren't viable; she had to make the first move, like she should have three years ago…

In her mind there was no debate in any way, shape, or form no matter what anyone said. She was a monster that they had given way more than was ever deserved, and while she didn't deserve it, she would cherish it: every moment, every tear, every smile, every kiss, every hug, every pout, every touch, every scowl, every argument; all of it.

She had been many different people and many different things over the years, but Lexie was by far her favorite. It was nice to have a favorite again; it was hands down who she would choose to be if things had been different.

The whole drive here, though she regretted every ounce of pain she had caused those she loved more than she ever fathomed, was spent reminiscing about the last few weeks.

It was something she never even considered happening, but was beyond grateful it had. Those four men, even in such a short time, had given her more than she could ever repay.

She remembered telling Bambie they could thank Owens, but as she thought back on it, she remembered thinking she could _almost_ feel the depths of his sadness when he'd seen Dean and Roman the first time she had met them, but she _had_ felt it…

She remembered inexplicably being drawn to the two of them. As she watched them and studied them, she now knew what she thought she was catching in their eyes, she was actually _feeling_ ; that's what had made it impossible to walk away.

Catching glimpses of emotions hadn't taken her breath away; _Dean_ had.

It was all so subtle and foreign at first, she had dismissed it with logic. When Owens had stupidly harmed them, and she had flipped the fuck out, even then she had no inkling she was actually feeling again, because that was _impossible_.

She hadn't actually had any kind of inkling, though Bambie had seen and felt it way before she had realized it, until Roman had called her that morning freaking out about Dean not moving or responding.

She thought what she had been feeling as far as Bambie went was a cognitive decision; that she would have liked him a lot, even as bratty as he could be, when she was normal.

Even as she sprinted down the hall with her heart in her throat, she had told herself it was because she needed allies, but knew it was complete bullshit the moment Dean had opened his eyes at the sound of her voice and smiled at her; really fucking smiled at her, like a man seeing the sun for the first time, before wrapping her up in his arms. That's when she knew she was in real trouble.

It had scared her, and she had fought to remain neutral, but surrounded by the kind of love that emanated from her boys made it impossible, even when she thought what she doing was driven by logic; it wasn't…

It was all so clear now; the three of them had been her saving grace, along with Randy who she was immediately drawn to in a similar way. Yes, she had needed to get answers, and yes, she had her reasons for bringing him into the fold, but she _wanted_ him there.

After everything they had given her, though it hardly repaid them for what they had blessed her with, she was going to give them the last thing she had left to give; her life.

Maybe giving by her life, if she left enough bread crumbs, it would finally bring it all tumbling down, and they could finally prosecute. The financier would go down along with her company, and her boys would be free to live their lives as they pleased. The thought made her smile, but she couldn't bank on that.

She wasn't sure she could do it at all if she had any doubts about their safety, but Gavin, as much as she didn't deserve to ask anything of him, would see that they were safe for her. Her eyes stung thinking of Gavin, but she pushed it away, positive that once she got to where she deserved to spend the rest of eternity it would be her punishment to relive all of her sins live and in color.

What she was doing now hardly made up for all the awful things she had done, but Bambie as well as the rest of her boys were more than worth it. Maybe even Gavin would find some peace with her death…

The dark early hour meant the building was almost empty and eerily quiet. She did her best not to show any traces of her recent blessing as she went through security, and was once again grateful she was actually sick.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" Roger the night guard asked sounding worried and a little afraid as he waved her through.

"Just sick, Roger," she replied quietly ignoring his shocked expression. "Have a nice day."

She ignored the fact she could feel his eyes on her. Roger would most likely remember her coming in regardless, but she had made sure it really stuck. Her unusual behavior would make him double check his log as to who authorized her early entry in case something happened. Roger always liked to be completely informed when questions were asked.

Even if they burned the log, and got rid of her body, Roger would serve as a small bread crumb, but a bread crumb none the less.

She had seen no one else on her way to the lab. It was part of the reason she chose the time that she had. They had no idea she was sick or what she had been up to before that, but she wanted to be able to feel up until the moment it was over.

They would dispose of everything afterwards, just like they had when it happened to Mac, so she didn't have to worry about anyone seeing her in this state later on. Henry would be the only one in the lab, and she had always known he had been the one to help Mac.

He could see the pity in his eyes every time she came in, and somehow she just knew Mac had convinced him to save her, and every time he saw her he realized it had all been in vain; she had turned out to be the worst of the worst…

They hadn't figured out Mac's shot had been botched until two weeks after she'd killed him during his autopsy, before they got rid of his body, because Mac had stolen the log with what she suspected was Henry's help. The same help she was counting on for her final bread crumb.

They didn't know about the shot at the time of his death, so obviously she couldn't have known either. Her legend had written itself from there, and while she wasn't responsible for everything she was accredited, she had still done unforgivable things…

"Ma'am…" Henry's voice trailed off when he saw her face as she walked through the door, and even after everything he thought he knew about her he still sounded worried. "Are you…"

"Better than I deserve Henry," she gave him a weak smile, because it was all she could manage.

She had never spoken to Henry except to yell at him the last time she was here, and call attention to the fact they had labeled her shot mandatory. She hoped that would give him an indication as to what was coming, along with the fact that she had brought Bambie with her, but it did nothing to keep his eyes from widening in surprise.

At first she only had a sneaking suspicion this was where they would end up, but had already decided regardless she was going to do whatever was in her power to keep the little Princess alive. As irritating as he was, he didn't deserve to die... and that was all before she realized she loved him.

Bringing him here had been her way of showing him what type of people he was really dealing with, and while she never wanted him to hurt in any way, she had to do something. Even if they were just suspicions, and with her surety Gavin would take care of him should anything happen, she needed to know he could handle himself.

With him such a wreck and flash cards flung all over her living room, she needed him to take it seriously, and she knew just seeing this environment, along with her scars would frighten him into doing as she asked. The fact that her suspicions had been confirmed with him watching had told her it was all fate.

It wasn't a lie when she told him he had done amazing, because he had, but he never had a prayer when it came to Schmidt, Schmidt was almost as good as she was, and though she was sure that's what had given her away even if it was just a little bit everything had fallen into place for her that night.

Everything happened for a reason; it was something her mom had told her time and time again, especially when her dad died and later as she was losing her as well, but she never paid it any mind it until then…

She gave up the fight to remain neutral, and put everything she had into setting things as right as she could before she ran out of time, and it came with blessings she never expected… everything happens for a reason…

"Y… you know my name?" Henry asked with his eyes still wide.

"Of course I do," she said quietly still smiling as she made her way across the awful room for what would be the last time.

She needed his help, but she also didn't want him to go on thinking Mac was a fool, even if she had thought him one for so long. Mac had done what he thought he had to when she had mistakenly warned him, thinking he would run or hide. Besides now that she was face with a similar choice, she had come to see he wasn't…

"It's okay Henry," she said gently when he paled considerably at the heat radiating off her skin as he attached the monitors to her chest and back.

"Ma'am…" he looked at her in a way that she knew the orders had been to give the shot regardless, "that… that won't go away in an hour."

"No," she patted him arm gently. "No, it won't Henry, but it's okay."

He looked so torn, and she felt sorry for him. He knew giving her the shot would kill her, but not giving it would result in harm to his family. It was how the darker side of the business worked for people like him.

Henry wasn't a bad person, and he wasn't even the reason he ended up here. Gambling debts a sibling had incurred had landed him under Schmidt's thumb, and he followed orders under threat of pain and death, not just for himself, but his family.

She had never had to worry about that, thank god, because her first act after completing her treatment had proven there was no one they could threaten her with, and the desensitization had shown them pain held no sway over her. Everything happens for a reason…

"Ma'am… oh god…" Poor Henry began shaking.

"Listen to me Henry," she said firmly, but gently turning his head so he had to look into her eyes.

It was something she had learned to do with her boys when she needed them to do something hard, but wanted to make sure they knew she wasn't mad at them, especially Seth and Dean.

"You can do this and you will. I'm ready, I'm tired, and I am trying to save people I love very much…"

"The guy that was here with you," Henry said suddenly remember the strange event and she saw she was getting somewhere.

"Yes, and the rest of my family," she smiled nodding encouragingly. "I need you to do something for me though," she waited for him to nod. "As soon as you finish with the injection I need you to get the log, surveillance tapes, and my file then get out of here immediately." She pulled Gavin's card out of her bra and handed it to him. "Call this number, and someone from the F.B.I will come get it along with you and your family, and take you somewhere safe. Can you do that for me Henry?"

He looked uncertain for a moment and she was afraid she wouldn't be able to leave her final bread crumb. With Henry they might have enough to shut it all down, but people were always weary of Witness Protection.

"Ma'am… I can't kill you," Lexie was sure her own eyes widened in shock at his words and it almost made her laugh in relief.

"Yes you can," she said gently letting him see she really meant it. "Because, you have to, not just because my family's lives may depend on it, but for Henry Jr. and Lisa. It's your ticket out of here. I am ready, and okay with it, and you are doing the right thing."

She watched him for a moment, and when he gave her an almost imperceptible nod she breathed a sigh of relief.

Lexie closed her eyes and leaned back as she pictured Mac and her parents who she finally had the ability to miss. Thinking that maybe if her mom was right and everything really happened for a reason she would see them again soon.

Then she pictured the people that she knew would miss her, and though she knew she never deserved them she made a silent promise to watch over them from wherever she was going.

Gavin whom she had caused so much pain, but knew she could count on, and had always loved, even when she thought she didn't. She said a silent prayer he would find his peace, and move on.

Her new family who she loved so unbelievably fucking much, and had brought her back from that awful emptiness, something she had learned was worse than death. Who had offered her a sliver of redemption, which she could never even hope to begin to repay.

Bambie: who was always so sensitive, smart and sweet, even if he could be a little bratty. She knew he would get his well-deserved happily ever after.

Roman: who was stronger than even he ever imagined, and she knew would be able to hold all of their boys together. She smiled thinking he was going to make a great dad.

Randy: who was her loyal soldier, and beyond amazing, and deserved everything in the world. She was positive he would have it all one day.

Dean: who was her forever and already held her heart. She knew he would understand once it all came out, and know she never deserved to be his forever, because he deserved everything and was worth everything, while she was nothing.

Lexie flipped through her slide show, and continued smiling though this was her end. It was all much more than she ever deserved, and for that the tear that slide down her cheek as the needle pierced her skin was a tear of joy.


	18. Chapter 18

Dean lay in the back of the old orange station wagon clutching his precious letter as tightly as he was clinging to the sliver of hope that had been offered to him, which was the only thing keeping his heart beating. He prayed, for only the second time in his life, but this time he didn't pray for strength, he just prayed they weren't too late, because if they were, no amount of strength would see him through.

The last few weeks had been filled with so many highs and so many lows it was fucking dizzying.

There was nothing compared to spending the last couple of days and nights surrounded by his brothers and Lexie, or playing at the beach with Kevin, even arguing with everyone about stupid shit, his and Randy's awful tree, it had made him happier than he'd ever been.

At the same time nothing compared to how he felt for most of yesterday, or this morning after the crash. He had never felt so hopeless, even when Seth had left them; at least he was alive... he could let himself think like that though.

He practice the deep breathing exercises Lexie had taught him, and though he tried his damnedest to keep his mind blank it didn't work.

Yesterday had been filled with heartache and confusion, even as he yelled at Lexie he could see it made no difference. He knew the love they had for her meant everything in the world to her; especially his love, but she couldn't accept it…

He knew she loved him too, but it was so hard to see when she was telling him he had to let her go… he couldn't let her go, not for anything.

As he sat there crying and trying to imagine what could possibly drive her to make such a painful decision for everyone involved, and how he was never going to survive it, Roman and Seth had come out and offered him a glimmer of hope...

While Seth never explained exactly what was going to kill her, and still hadn't a clue what it was supposed to tell him, he told them Lexie had told him about a phone. He was supposed to call someone named Gavin if this were to happen, and while she hadn't said it Seth was sure it was someone who meant something to her, and was sure she meant something to him.

They had agreed that once everyone was asleep Seth would make the call. They tried to make Lexie think she had swayed them, and Seth told them to focus on their determination and devastation. They suggested going to see Ms. Izzy and Humberto hoping seeing them would remind her even more so how much she meant to those she was leaving behind. That she was worth it.

He really thought it had worked…

He knew something was off though, because Ms. Izzy seemed to be trying to convince them she was worth saving, as though she was trying to tell them that something was wrong. Ms. Izzy shouldn't know about what was going on, but then Dean had remembered their lack of concern for Lexie's injuries…

Though he had come to realize both Ms. Izzy and Humberto were more than what they originally seemed, he never dreamed for a moment they would be complicit in drugging them...

Dean had awoken to the loud ear splitting crash, and immediately knew in his heart she had already gone. He didn't have to wonder about how he got in his bed, or why last night's events were so hazy: he just knew.

None of that stopped him from rushing down the stairs to find Randy in tears barely holding it together, pots scattered all over the kitchen, and envelopes addressed to each of them plus others along with a cell phone.

His world shattered, and he collapsed right where he stood. He couldn't even find tears to shed or air to breathe, and he was sure his heart ceased to beat. It was something he had been unable to fathom, and now that it was here… he felt numb.

He was vaguely aware of the pounding of footsteps all around him and the front door slamming open, but none of that mattered. It was as though while his brain struggled to accept it his body was already shutting down…

"Dean, honey," someone knelt in front of him. "You need to get up and we need to go now."

"That won't work," someone else said. "Sorry brother…"

There was almost no pain, though the impact knocked him on his ass. He looked up and blinked a couple times, because his vision was blurry, but the blow seemed to have brought him back into himself, though he was still struggling.

"Goddamnit, Seth," Randy shouted rushing forward. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"It's the only way sometimes," Seth snapped back defensively as Dean felt Roman and Randy pull him to his feet.

He suddenly realized Ms. Izzy and Humberto were in the kitchen with them as well.

"We'll get some ice on the way," Seth snapped at Randy's muttered curses.

Roman and Randy started to tug him towards the door as Seth darted out followed closely by Humberto and Ms. Izzy. Suddenly he knew what was going on… there was still a chance…

His heart began to beat again and the tears he couldn't find before began to flow in earnest as air once again filled his lungs. He suddenly became the one tugging his brothers out the door.

The first 40 minutes of the car ride after Seth called Gavin, though Ms. Izzy assured him they had talked to him already, were spent with Seth explaining about some fucking shot or some shit, and how Lexie literally had no feelings when they'd met her, her skipping shots, and the awful place she worked as Humberto floored it down the highway.

As Seth continued to explain some things clicked for him even though he wasn't concentrating on trying to make them, he was concentrating on praying, none of the how or why mattered to him in that moment, only the end result.

Even the fact he could tell Randy, Ms. Izzy and Humberto were still keeping something from them didn't matter; only Lexie.

Ms. Izzy's phone ringing made him perk up a little, because it could be news. He wasn't sure he wanted any news or that he could handle news, but he _needed_ it.

"Go to the apartment dear," Ms. Izzy said quietly, but her voice was tense.

Once again everything stopped, his breathing, his tears, his heart; all of it, as his sliver of hope was torn out of his grasp, and he clutched his letter to his shattered heart.

Seth, who had been amazingly calm while everyone else fell apart, immediately dove over the seat to lay with him as Roman and Randy reached back to do what they could. They encouraged him to breathe just as Lexie had done for him when he needed it; murmuring soft I love yous, offering reassurances, and whatever strength they could, but he couldn't pull it together.

A stinging slap from Randy of all people is what made him focus a little again.

"Goddamnit Dean!" He shouted as both Roman and Seth glared at him. "Don't give up; you promised you wouldn't give up on her!"

Though he had no idea Randy knew he made that promise, his words brought it back. No matter how hard it was for him, he would never give up on her, not for one fucking second. He would never not be there for her when she needed him ever again.

It was so similar to a promise he had made someone else as well…

"Call Doc!" Dean sat bolt upright startling everyone a little. "Call Doc he knew… he knew about the shots… He had to have known about the dangers… maybe… maybe he can think of a way… I know he knew, and I know he thought about it! Call Doc!"

Just like that, devastation once again turned into hope, and Dean saw everyone including Ms. Izzy and Humberto grasp at the straw he had just offered them.

Seth dug in his pocket, dialing Doc's number. It was an intense three minutes as everything poured out of Seth and Dean watched him listening intently with his heart in his throat.

"Ice!" Seth shouted as he hung up. "We need to stop for ice!"

Dean's heart was still in his throat, but everyone including himself laughed with relief, ice... before Ms. Izzy picked up her phone and called someone relaying the message. It was reaching, but it was all they had, and Dean was putting everything he was into that ice.

* * *

20 minutes later though the car hadn't even stopped moving all four of them jumped out and followed Seth. They all took the steps 2 and 3 at a time, and abruptly halted when Seth stopped in front of what must've been her door.

Dean didn't let his world stop spinning, and shoved past his frozen brothers, steeling himself for whatever he found, because it didn't matter what he found his Lexie needed him, and he was going to be the one to hold her this time.

His determination must've rubbed off on his brothers because he felt them behind him, and though he was resolute, it gave him some strength.

Running water made their feet move faster as they pounded down the hall towards it. Dean kicked open the bathroom door just as he should have the night he left her when she needed him. For all his determination he still froze as did the others.

A small stout man in glasses had all sorts of medical supplies scattered across the bathroom floor as Lexie lay in a bath tub filled with ice as it filled with water. The little man's eyes widened when he saw them, and Dean heard a sobs escape from all three of his brothers behind him, but he could only stare and blink.

In her bra and underwear he could see all her scars and that there were scars on her legs too, which made his chest ache even more so. She was paler than he thought possible making them all stand out more and her mouth and nose were stained with blood.

As much as he fought it his world began to shatter again, that was until her beautiful blue eyes opened and she gave them a weak smile with an impossible amount of love shinning in her eyes.

"My boys," her voice was so weak, but so beautiful as she reached out to them. "My beautiful boys…"

The poor little man, who he assumed was Gavin, scrambled out of the way as they all rushed to the side of the tub and reached out to touch her damp icy skin, and though it felt like they all had so much to say none of them spoke, which to all of their astonishment made her chuckle.

"My loves," she was still smiling, but Dean was afraid she was fading. "Oh, what a gift… Gods, I love you all… so fucking much, such a gift."

"We love you too, angel," Dean seemed to be the only one who could somehow find his voice, though he wasn't sure how.

"Satan," she corrected, and even in this state her eyes sparkled as she coughed and laughed making them all sort of chuckle.

"Definitely Satan, but with the voice of an angel," Dean brushed a strand of aqua hair behind her ear.

She went to respond, but coughed again, and this time blood came up making his stomach drop. He felt everyone in the room tense as well, but he pushed it aside and clasped her hand, even though he could no longer speak.

She wiped away the blood and met each of their eyes, and he knew everyone could feel the depths of love she had for them, but suddenly her eyes closed though there was still a smile on her face.

"She needs medical attention…" the little guys said quietly, and though the tension increased once again he knew the others were nodding.

Dean didn't care what was happening he wasn't leaving, not for anything. Seth, Randy, and Roman began to slide out of the way so the little guy could get in, and though they were hurting just as bad he knew that they knew he needed to be there.

Just as he was nodding in thanks meeting their teary devastated eyes the front door crashed open, and spurred them all into action thinking maybe someone had come to finish Lexie off or get Seth while she was down.

He knew they were all thinking the same thing as they heard footsteps pounding down the hall. The door banged open, and Randy being the closest immediately tackled the intruder. Dean suddenly thought they should have concentrated more on training as the intruder put Randy on his ass with ease.

Luckily, Roman was right there and Randy was determined as both he and Seth blocked Lexie from view resolute in their last stand. The intruder fought like hell, and while Randy and Roman were determined, so was he. Seth launched himself forward to help, and in the tangled mess of limbs he didn't see what happened, but his brothers had won.

"Get the fuck off me," the intruder growled, and Dean was surprised there were tears in his voice, but he wasn't sure if it was because he was a friend or because Randy was sitting on him. "Gwendolyn!"

Dean felt suddenly extremely confused wondering if the guy went through all that, and just happened to be in the wrong place.

"Gwenie!" He shouted struggling against all three of them. "Get the fuck off… I… need… to … see... her… before… it's… too… late… Gwendolyn!"

"Gavin!" Lexie's voice startled them all though it was still weak, and when Dean turned to look at her he saw her eyes sparkling with the same love they did when she looked at them.

His brothers saw it as well and let go of the new man, Gavin, who immediately scrambled past him on his knees. Dean felt floored, if that was Gavin, who was the other guy?

"Gwen," Gavin's tears fell, and he knew he loved her as much as they did, and while it may have caused him a pang of jealously some other time, he was just grateful her eyes were open.

"Gavin," she touched his cheek. "I missed you."

Her declaration left Gavin speechless, and while he seemed to lose himself, Dean did the only thing he could and gripped his shoulder in the most comforting way he knew how. Seth followed suite and while Gavin gave no indication he even knew they were there Lexie smiled at the gesture.

"All of my boys, I never deserved so much," her words made Dean's eyes sting.

"You deserve everything angel," Dean told her, because she needed to know.

"I love you," she was looking at Dean, and the way she was looking at him made his heart flutter, before she continued. "I love you all… so much, and Gavin," she looked at the new man and her eyes reached the deepest depths of sadness he'd ever seen. "I've always loved you… even when I thought I didn't… I love you so much…"

If Dean thought Gavin lost it before it was nothing compared to the heart wrenching sob that escaped him. Randy suddenly pushed through and while he didn't knock Seth or Dean out of the way he knelt down and wrapped him arms around Gavin. Roman stepped up, and offered comfort to all of them as best he could.

"All my boys," she said again wistfully. "Take care of each other, love each other, and know I love you…"

The little guy who apparently wasn't Gavin, but still had tears in his eyes pushed forward as her eyes slid closed once again.

"I need to do what I can if she has any chance."

His voice was firm and full of determination, which made even Gavin pull it together and they all let him through, though Randy had to support him. Dean had no idea who Gavin was, or who he was to her, as Seth would put it, but he felt that they all just wanted the same thing.

All five of them did their best to stay out of the way, but as close as they could, while offering each other what comfort they could in such a difficult situation.

"She had a message for me," Gavin looked at Seth as though he knew who he was.

Seth nodded with tears in his eyes, and suddenly looked like he understood something, but that understanding broke his heart. Dean immediately thought of the letter, but Seth spoke instead.

"She… she said to tell you Mac was right, and it's chaos," he said quietly like he was putting something off.

Gavin did something Dean didn't expect, he smiled, and when he eyes met Dean's there was a sparkle in them he knew so well, he'd seen it so many times in almost identical eyes. Suddenly he knew who Gavin was, even if he didn't know why he was looking at him like that… He didn't have time to process it before Gavin reached out and wrapped him in his arms murmuring thank yous.

Dean hugged him back though he was confused, until Randy broke the silence making him pull back.

"You knew Mac," he asked curiously, though his eyes were still wet.

"Very well," Gavin smiled tiredly. "We were college sweet hearts, and he was my husband for 5 wonderful years."

"You're…" Roman's eyes widen as he realized what Dean had only realized moments ago.

"Gwenie, is my twin sister," Gavin's smile faltered, and Dean couldn't imagine the pain he had endured over the years, after losing not only his husband, but now his twin sister.

They all sort of blinked at each other lost in their own thoughts before Gavin pulled himself and them out of it speaking again.

"The other message?"

"The fox is in the hen house…" Seth trailed off, and while he had kept it together surprisingly well his voice told him he was terrified, and somehow even more heart broken.

Gavin didn't say anything for a moment as full realization seemed to hit Seth all at once, "You know why she did it, then?"

What came out of Seth's mouth next was something Dean never expected to hear, and while he heard it and Seth's voice told him it was true, he didn't believe it for one fucking second. He knew his brother's didn't either.

"She was going to kill me herself…"


	19. Chapter 19

Their world literally stopped spinning when Seth's terrified voice spoke those 7 words.

"What would be worse than her dying?" Dean had asked.

"For us: or for her," Randy replied.

It was all so confusing at the time, but now it all made sense.

Roman was surprised he hadn't seen it before. Seth meant the world to Lexie, as did the rest of them. She loved them so much, and would never even for one fucking second risk any of them… not just Seth, but all of them…

"I don't leave witnesses either."

She had told him that once, and though it was said sarcastically he remembered thinking she was dead serious. Then when he'd told her he'd make sure she'd wish she'd never been born if she ever harmed Dean or Seth in any way...

"That's what I'm counting on."

The day after that terrible weekend after it was confirmed someone wanted Seth dead…

"You need to be able to beat me, Bambie."

What would have happened if she wasn't sick? Suddenly he had a feeling her ending up in the freezing cold ocean in December wasn't a freak accident. Dean and Kevin following her in was, but she wouldn't risk them being able to give her the shot without killing her.

There were tears in everyone's eyes as they all looked over at the woman they loved so much who was barely hanging on… who had gone to such great lengths to protect them all, and fix their lives as best she could, before making the ultimate sacrifice… and never believed she was good enough for _them_.

Roman could hardly breathe. After everything that had happened, and everything they had gone through, he couldn't find it in him to really be mad at her, because he would have made the same decision… Seth could though.

"Dumb bitch," Seth's tears were falling in earnest.

Roman, Dean, and Randy all moved to grab him and hold him knowing he was going to lose it, but Gavin beat them to it.

"You don't have to stay here, she wouldn't…" Gavin was heartbroken, but he was determined to take care of them, just like Lexie asked.

"Dumb bitch!" Seth was shouting now and cut Gavin off. Roman was sure he wanted her to wake up and hear him. "What the hell were you thinking Lexie, why, why would you do this to me; to all of us?!"

Seth had been keeping it together amazingly well all day, but now as his anger faded in to devastation, and he completely lost it. As he began to sob, Roman sort of caught him while simultaneously taking him from Gavin, who looked like he was barely hanging on himself.

Randy and Dean both held onto the rest of them, and Roman knew Seth's gut wrenching sobs, along with the realization Lexie had done it to keep all of them safe, was tearing them apart in a way they never even imagined.

"She can't hurt you now," Gavin's tears were still streaming down his cheeks. "She would never have without..."

Roman didn't think anything would have broken Seth out of his cocoon of pain, or anyone else for that matter, but Gavin's words did, and before Seth could do anything they would all regret Roman scooped him up in a bear hug, while Randy pulled Gavin away, and Dean placed himself in the middle just in case.

"Hurt me!" Seth shouted struggling against Roman. "This fucking hurts more than anything else she could have fucking done to me! What if, fucking what if?! She's so fucking stupid!"

Seth's second outburst seemed to drain his energy significantly, and Roman could do nothing but to pull him into his chest and let him continue to cry. Dean, who was holding it together surprisingly well all things considered, wrapped his arms around both Seth and Roman.

"That was her what if…" Seth continued in a weak voice as he sobbed. "I would rather die… we all would've… stupid fucking Lexie."

Gavin looked at all of them, and he saw that not one of them ever believed for a second, shot or no shot, she would hurt them in any way. That regardless they'd all have taken their chances rather than lose her.

Roman himself was only holding it together, though barely, because his brothers needed him to. He would have traded places with her in a heartbeat. None of them would have risked her for anything, just like she wouldn't have risked them… but it didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

Gavin thought Seth's outburst was for a very different reason at first, a different kind of betrayal, and whatever had been holding him together was gone as he collapsed into Randy's arms.

"I'm sorry," Seth said after a long moment unlatching himself from Roman, and latching onto Gavin. "I didn't… I just… I don't understand…"

Roman pulled Dean into him, and though they all now knew why she'd done it, it still didn't make it any better. It didn't make a whole lot of sense either, while she'd tried to tell them in her own subtle way, the question still remained… why?

Why not just tell them? They could have figured it the fuck out. Why, would she have to kill Seth in the first place? She was hired to protect him…

It took a few moments, but Gavin once again pulled himself together, and he could see they all wanted answers. He nodded for all of them to follow him as he gently tugged Seth along with him.

Dean was the only one that didn't seem to need answers. He just gave Roman one last squeeze before kissing him and headed back over to the tub to sit with Lexie. Roman was sure Dean didn't care about the why right now and like the rest of them never believed she would hurt any of them, only the end result.

Gavin pushed Seth into Roman's arms before taking a seat in an arm chair across from them, while the three of them sat on the couch, and waited. Seth curled up on Roman's lap, and Roman wasn't sure Seth cared about answers either, he was just in an incredible amount of pain and had no idea what to do with himself. Gavin seemed to be struggling a little still, and Roman felt so bad for him.

When he said Mac was his husband, Roman was shocked, but even more so when he said he was Lexie's brother. Dean seemed to be the only one that hadn't been taken off guard and now looking at Gavin he knew why. Though he was twice her size they had the same eyes and mouth and he had the same commanding presence.

Seth's outburst had to have confused him and torn him up. Like Seth thought they were more important than Mac, but Roman knew that wasn't true, even though he didn't understand the shot thing.

"Gavin," Roman said quietly. "Seth didn't mean we were more import…"

"No, no I know he didn't," Gavin assured him. "It's just… every time I read her reports I saw where she thought it was going, then when she knew that it was going to happen… I never once thought to stop her… just pick up the pieces…"

"Reports?" Randy asked as Seth began sobbing again.

Roman felt even worse for him now, of course Gavin didn't think to stop her. She had put a bullet in his husband's brain. Why would he ever think she wouldn't do it to them? Gavin let out a long drawn out sigh and rubbed his face.

"Gwen, or Lexie, as you call her," Gavin chuckled a little despite everything. "Isn't just some psychotic assassin, she's been under cover for the F.B.I for a little over three years."

Even Seth looked up at his statement as all their eyes widened there was so much more to this than any of them ever imagined.

"I'm sure she's told you she's terrible, and not even a human being anymore…"

"She is not terrible!" Seth snapped suddenly, and Roman felt his heart sink a little waiting for Gavin's reaction.

"I know she's not Seth," Roman could tell Gavin truly knew it too, which seemed to placate Seth a little and he reburied his head. "I said she told you she was… and she has done some pretty awful things… but it's all my fault…"

Gavin went on to explain how while he went off to college where he met Mac; Lexie had gone off to the army. They graduated got married and both went straight to Quantico, like his parents before him. After her contract was up and a few awful deployments Lexie mustered out, finished her degree then followed him to Quantico, which was always the plan anyway.

While she mostly did profiling her military experience saw her in the field as well. A year after she graduated an assignment came across his desk, the one Lexie was on, and with her field background and degree she fit the bill… so Gavin recommended her.

When she got assigned Mac was so mad at him, because he knew what it was, and he was afraid that Lexie, who had never really been the same after the war wouldn't be able to do it. He convinced the powers that be to send him too.

They knew it was going to be difficult, but they never even fathomed it would be as it was. For six months they both went through "treatment", and though he sort of glossed over it Roman felt even more nauseous than before.

Apparently what Lexie told Seth was desensitization was flat out torture. For months they endured the unimaginable, and while they had been worried Lexie wouldn't make it, Mac had turned out to be the one who came out the other side damaged beyond repair.

"Gwen doesn't know," Gavin said quietly "but I knew Mac was going to die. Lexie thought it was just her final test to end Mac's life, but it was his final test to end hers too. Whoever survived they kept… She warned him hoping he would disappear, but he didn't want to live that way, and he was sure if she failed they would kill her. It's why she never told you guys, she was afraid you would do something similar."

Gavin seemed to be transported back in time, and while Roman was beyond exhausted and emotionally worn out as were the others, his tears began to fall faster along with Randy's, but Seth's stopped completely.

"Mac… called me before he did it, you know?" Gavin continued. "He was… so damaged… but Lexie had made it through, somehow, Mac thought it was a choice, and he was unwilling to give up the love he had for me or for my sister, he thought she might be able to make it back, that's what he thought anyway…"

"Lexie said that too, sort of," Seth told him though he seemed to be emotionally worn out and his voice was very flat. "She said she could feel again because she wanted to now, like a switch."

It worried Roman a little and apparently Gavin and well.

"Seth," Gavin actually got up and came to kneel in front of them. "My sister loved you; all of you so much… you have no idea. To her it was a miracle, and a blessing. She couldn't risk killing someone she loved again for any reason, even if she didn't feel it she knew it, and it made her hate herself even more… more than everything else combined. You guys gave her more than anyone ever, and she repaid it the only way she knew how…"

"By making me watch her die?" Seth snapped seemingly finding something, which made Gavin looked a little relieved. "By putting me through this; making me hate myself too? You know what I don't care why or how or about any of it anymore… I should've fucking known too. She was going on about how the mission might change, and I… I blew her off… she knew didn't she?"

"Only twice it's happened to her before…" Gavin sighed. "What better way to disguise a hit than hiring someone to protect the target, and then have them killed by the person you hired to protect them… the first time it happened they told her right away, and Gwen being Gwen killed them right away, not seeing the logic in waiting. She was good enough not to get caught regardless, why draw it out? The second time Hannigan didn't tell her until the financier was ready to end it… she suspected, though I don't know exactly why, that's what was going to happen with you, and wasn't going to let you die for anything…"

"She told you!" Seth was shouting again, and Roman had no idea why, but he was relieved. "She fucking told you, and you were just going to fucking let her die! Shot or no shot I don't believe she would have done it for one fucking second!"

"Seth," Gavin sounded tired and heartbroken, but determined. "I haven't talk to my sister since the night she called me and told me she just put a bullet in my husband's head. I only knew the rest because I know her logic, and the tone of her reports changed, and Izzy called me when you all showed up out of the blue… Do you really think she would for one second risk any of you on a theory, and if it wasn't true, would you want her to live with that?"

"I would want her to live any way!" Seth found tears again. "How could she even think… why would she even think for one fucking second we would want to live like this?"

"Seth," he tried again. "She left you a letter for a reason; Gwen never did anything without reason. Read it… it will help. She wouldn't want this for you; any of you."

Suddenly Seth's tears stopped and he was calm again as he stood up, and Roman felt his heart break even more so.

"I don't care about whatever it was she thought she needed to say, she left me, she left all of us," Gavin looked as heartbroken as Roman felt, and Randy tried to reach out to him, but Seth stepped away. "She didn't care about any of us, and I don't care about anything anymore either."

As Seth walked away Roman went to go after him, but both Randy and Gavin grabbed him giving him a look that told him to give him time. He didn't want to by any means, but he knew Seth would need time to sort it all out.

Pushing him would make him pull away. That did nothing to quell the sinking feeling he got when Seth said he didn't care about anything anymore either.

Did that anything include him too? Seth was so sensitive, and this was obviously more than he could handle right now, but would he let his pain destroy everything? Would he push them all away even if they gave him time?

Roman was at a loss when Randy scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him all the strength he had tried to maintain all day for everyone else vanished. It was his turn to sob now, and not just because someone he loved very much was on her death bed, but because he didn't know if it would cause him to lose the man he was in love with on top of everything.

It all hurt so fucking bad, and while he was teetering on the edge, he could find no one to blame. Lexie had only done what she thought she needed to, and knowing her underestimated the devastation because she didn't think she mattered enough, or thought they would agree Seth was more important.

None of that was true, of course, but it didn't make it her fault. Roman couldn't even be mad at Seth, because right now he wasn't so sure he wanted to care about anything either. The pain was almost more than he could bare, and Seth he was sure felt it even more so.

What in the hell would they do if they lost Seth and Lexie. Roman was sure he would never make it… and had no fucking clue what to do.

* * *

Lexie had thankfully made it through the night, though barely. Doc had shown up an hour after Gavin finished explaining some of what was going on, and Seth had walked away. Ms. Izzy and Humberto had shown up a while later with clothes and toiletries for all of them, and then they all held their breath.

No one slept or talked much, and Dean seemed to be the only one who never showed an ounce of doubt, and never left her side. Seth one the other hand had given up refusing to talk to or look at anyone, or even leave Lexie's bedroom, until Doc deemed it safe to take her out of the ice and put her in her bed.

Seth refused to even look at her, and while Roman knew he was hurting, they were all hurting he had no idea what to do. He had tried more than once, but Seth wouldn't even look at him either.

When Roman had awoken yesterday morning he had no idea how it could get worse, but then it did, when he saw Lexie so pale and barely hanging on. He really didn't think it could get any worse after that, but again he was proven wrong.

Seth his usually over emotional little love bug was showing no emotion what so ever, and it terrified not only him, but everyone else.

Dean was worried too, but gave Roman the only hope he had, and that was that Lexie would wake up. Roman wasn't so sure she would, but didn't say that because he thought that was the only thing keeping Dean from becoming what Seth was now.

He was at a loss and had no idea what to do as he wondered down the hallway to look in on Lexie. Roman loved her and missed her and knew she would know what to do or say to make it all better, she always did.

He stopped in the doorway and watched his best friend smile down with tears in his eyes at the woman he was undoubtedly in love with. It broke Roman's heart if it was possible even more so. What if the unthinkable happened?

Just as he was about to go in and hug him, because he just needed to, Dean pulled a box out of his pocket. Roman's eyes widened as Dean pulled a beautiful what looked to be an engagement ring out of the box and slipped it on Lexie's ring finger before pressing her hand to his lips.

When Dean's tears began in earnest Roman stepped in, but was unsure what to say or do so he said the first thing that came to mind, "how long have you had that?"

"Since the first night we were in Vegas," Dean blushed, but kept smiling through his tears. "You passed out, and I was just walking around…"

"When you still thought she was Satan?" Roman teased after Dean trailed off, but couldn't help smiling.

"She still is," he scoffed, but there was love shinning in his eyes. "Beside, did you ever doubt that if I had a soulmate it would turn out to be Satan incarnate?"

Roman laughed for the first time in what felt like forever, then suddenly remembered the first night they met her. Dean had asked how Roman knew Seth was the one, and while Roman couldn't even think of a way to begin to describe it Dean had.

He remembered knowing he was hearing it as Dean was thinking it. He had thought it was because he was trying to tell him Seth was still in love with him, but it was because he knew he just met _his_ soulmate.

"You think she'll say yes?" Roman didn't add the, if she wakes up part, or that Lexie had resisted her feelings at every turn, but wanted to know why Dean was so confident.

"She already did," Dean's eyes were sparkling like he'd never seen them before, which made Roman's heart feel a little lighter, but he couldn't hide his surprise.

"You asked her?"

"No," Dean said a little sheepishly like he'd been caught at something. "It was in her letter."

"You read it?" Roman thought Dean of all people would refuse to read it so she had to tell him herself when she woke up, because that's what Roman was doing.

"Yea, Gavin brought it to me," Dean looked back at Lexie. "Lexie had a reason for everything she did, even if her reasons were ludicrous," Roman knew Dean was talking about sacrificing herself and the lightness in his heart vanished. "She wrote letters to help us; everything she did was to help us… you didn't read yours?"

Roman suddenly felt stupid, because Dean was right. He was just thinking Lexie would know what to say or do to maybe somehow fix it, and she already probably did… she would know, he didn't know how he knew, but he knew she would have seen it all…

Even after she was gone she would do what she could for them, even before she was actually gone…

"Dean, you're a fucking genius!" He kissed Dean's head then Lexie's silently thanking her knowing that while she left them, she didn't leave them with nothing.

"I know this," Dean said indignantly, but he still smiling at Roman. "What did I say that was genius this time?"

Roman just kissed him again, before rushing off to get his own letter. Suddenly he was as certain as Dean Lexie would pull through. She had made it through the night after all, and while he knew she fully intended to die for them Roman was sure she wouldn't let herself in the end knowing they still needed her.

The fact that he was smiling and chuckling a little surprised everyone as he darted through the living room scooping up his letter from the kitchen table. He would explain later, but right now their shock didn't matter.

He was not only positive Lexie had left them all life lines, but she was going to live. It didn't matter if it made sense to anyone else or not; he knew it in his heart.


	20. Chapter 20

Seth's heart was shattered, and it was all he could do to just keep breathing, let alone anything else. She had said she'd die for him, but he never suspected it would be like this... and while he knew she'd done it for all of them, it was still his fault. He'd allowed them to be brought in, and he was responsible for their pain.

He wished so bad she would have just killed him right away like the other guy, so he didn't have to feel like this; so none of them had to feel like this. He didn't even want to feel anymore. What made it worse was he automatically thought of the night everything changed for all of them.

He remembered looking at her and thinking what else but having their world shattered as he had would make someone choose to live as she had… the answer was something much, much worse, and after everything she'd been through she was going to die to save him? He didn't deserve it...

He didn't deserve anything, and he didn't want anything, except to feel nothing…

She had made it through the night, but he had done his best to try and not feel relieved, because, then it would only hurt that much more if she didn't make it at all. It all hurt too much…

Yesterday he had refused to fall apart, and he put the mission first just like Lexie. Even when he knew she'd already been given the shot a glimmer of hope had been offered…ice of all things, so he kept it going… he didn't give up.

That was until he finally realized what, to her, would be worth the pain he'd been listening to her go through, which was nothing more than pitiful whimpers as she attempted to spare them even from that, and eventually end in her death... would be him. It all clicked, and he couldn't fucking believe it.

He had worried about the "what if", but he never would have… he didn't believe for one second she'd have done it either way, and she'd taken the choice from him. He meant it when he said he would have rather died than feel this way, now all he could do was sit in the corner, and do his damnedest not to feel.

He knew they all would have made the same decision, but it didn't stop him from being angry, and it didn't stop his heart from being ripped out.

Roman's pounding footsteps coming down the hallway made him look up, and he saw him smiling and chuckling, which made his heart race thinking maybe Lexie had opened her eyes again. He felt it plummet even though he tried not to get his hopes up when he just grabbed the letter she had written him off the table ripped it open, and began reading it.

Seth's eyes stung as his heart sank, but he fought it. He couldn't handle anymore ups and downs and if Lexie offered right now he would tell her to pull the trigger. As he continued to fight against feeling anything Randy, Ms. Izzy, and Humberto pushed to their feet and got their letters too.

He wanted so bad to go get his, but he just couldn't…

Randy laughing made him look up, and he saw they were all smiling, and even Doc and Gavin were smiling watching them… how could they be smiling? It made him mad… how could they smile when Lexie was less than 20 feet away dying… how could they smile when he could barely fucking breathe?

Seth tried, he really did, but he couldn't stop his tears. He couldn't even maintain his anger as a sob escaped him. He missed Lexie so fucking badly, and she was what was making them laugh, though they were just words on paper, they were words she put there.

He wanted to get up and get his letter too, he wanted Lexie to make him laugh or even blush just one more time too… but it would be the last time… and he wasn't ready for that… he could only cry…

"Come here, baby," Roman's voice reached him and gentle strong arms lifted him off the floor.

Seth wanted to fight him, he wanted to be left alone, because being comforted and having hope only made the devastation that much worse. If he let Roman and Randy, who was now by his side too, make him feel better that only meant he would fall that much farther when it all came tumbling down.

He couldn't fight though; he had no fight left, so he just held on and cried. Everything he had been trying to hold in since he got up and walked away yesterday determined to feel nothing, came out. He was hardly aware of Roman sitting down with him on his lap; and while he knew everyone else was gathered around he could do nothing about it.

Murmured encouragements, gentle kisses and pats, all of it broke his heart even more, because he was so aware that it could all be ripped away from him one day too.

Seth wasn't sure how long he cried, but he knew that when he began hiccuping they were all still there. Still, murmuring encouragements and Roman was kissing his head and rocking him, it was almost all too much all over again, but when he found the courage to look up he saw he was only making it harder on all of them.

They were just as upset, hurting, and worried as he was, and now they were all worried about him on top of it, it only made him feel worse. He started to choke out an apology, but Roman cut him off with a kiss making everyone laugh when he hiccuped into it.

"It's gonna be okay brother," Dean was kneeling in front of him smiling when Seth looked over surprised to hear his voice.

Dean hadn't left Lexie's side and now he had to because Seth was being a pain in the ass. Dean saw his thoughts and just shook his head smiling with watery eyes.

"It's okay," Dean ruffled his hair. "She's going to make it."

The conviction in his voice, and with everyone else nodding in agreement, he almost believed it, he wanted to believe it, but he was so afraid of having hope, and Roman saw it.

Roman kissed him hard. It was the same kind of kiss that he always took as a promise, and despite everything he laughed remembering walking in the kitchen the other day and Lexie literally bowing; it made him blush.

They all looked surprised, but so relieved to see him hiccuping, blushing, and laughing that they laughed too. Randy handed Roman Lexie's letter to him, and Roman asked with his eyes if Seth wanted him to read. He hesitated for a moment, but nodded, which made everyone else look that much more relieved.

 _Dear Bambie (most likely via Roman),_

 _First things first; I love you. I love you more than anything, and could never repay what you've given me, which oddly enough is what I know you're fighting against so hard right now. To love and be loved is a gift, Bambie. To possess the ability to feel your heart break IS a gift. It may not feel like it right now, but it's as true as anything I've learned since god blessed me by putting you in my life._

 _I know it hurts, and I know it's hard, but remember without the bad there could be no good. Don't think of it the other way, which I'm sure you are right now, but don't. To possess the ability to feel how you feel now means you possess the ability to feel how you do when you're in Roman's arms… or even bickering with Dean, or laughing with Randy. Don't ever forget that, Bambie, and don't give it up for anything._

 _You told me once that the Tin Man had a heart all along, and you were right, but it took you, all of you, to help me see that. I am forever in your debt. I told you once the Cowardly Lion always had courage, and that's true too. It may not feel like it now, but it's in there, and I know you can find it._

 _Take care of each other and cherish each other. Even though our time was short, I am grateful for every second, and I hope you are too. I am sorry it had to end this way. Yes, I realize I took the choice from you, and yes, I realize it was selfish, but I couldn't take even the smallest chance. You wouldn't have either._

 _I don't expect you to forgive me, but I do expect you not to misplace your hurt and anger. Our boys need you… if not for you, or for me, do it for them._

 _I love you with all my heart Bambie, and it hurt so bad to have to leave you, but I'm beyond grateful it did…_

 _Everything happens for a reason…_

 _Love always and forever,_

 _Lexie_

 _P.S. I negated all inappropriate comments, and or jokes, because I'm pretty sure this is being read out loud, but blush knowing I'm thinking it…_

As Roman read Seth's tears started again along with everyone else's, but they were different tears this time, because while it hurt he still found himself smiling, and everyone else was smiling at him. Roman squeezed him and kissed him again, and this time he kissed him back chuckling a little thinking about what Lexie might say…

"Just so you know," Dean ruffled Seth's hair again. "My P.S. was to make you blush as often as possible… so you have that going for you too."

Seth laughed though he wasn't sure where it came from, and pulled Dean down on top of him and Roman making everyone else laugh too. Without the bad there could be no good, and as he thought back to the joy he felt during his life time, and much more recently, he knew it was true.

"Mine was pretty much the same," Randy added while adding himself to the pile as well and Seth did his best to wrap his arms around him too.

"Pretty much the same," Roman asked curiously making Randy blush and quickly glance at Gavin making Seth really laugh, and saw his chance to get payback before the game even started.

"I believe Roman's exact words were come barreling into your life and knock you on…" Randy quickly recovered from his blush and clamped his hand over Seth's mouth, but managed to hit Dean where Seth had punched him yesterday, and it sort of snowballed from there.

Seth was unsure how he had gone from being so hopeless and devastated to laughing and wrestling with his brothers, but he didn't feel bad because he knew this was what Lexie would want for them. Suddenly the apartment had gone from being silent and full of misery to being full of ruckus, shouting, and laughter.

Roman had pulled Seth off of Dean, and had him pinned while he was shouting for aid from Randy who was laughing too hard to help, and about to be tackled by Dean when…

"Jesus Bambie, I knew you didn't care if there were other people in the house, but in front of everyone?"

* * *

It was almost impossible to believe that only this morning he was positive he was never going to hear Lexie laugh or yell, or have her do her damnedest to make him blush ever again as he lay on the floor in Roman's arms next to Lexie and Dean while Randy as always acted as Lexie's foot stool, and Gavin sat in an armchair with Kevin who they picked up from the kennel on their way back in his lap.

After all the tears and hugs and threats to Lexie's life if she ever did anything like that again subsided Lexie insisted they head back to her parent's house. Seth knew it was because she didn't want to be anywhere anyone would think to look, and while everyone, especially Doc was wary about letting her travel no one argued.

It had all been such an emotional roller coaster, but Seth full heartedly believed in what Lexie had said in her letter. This moment wouldn't feel so damn good if there was never any bad, and he wasn't going to waste another minute of his life without cherishing every moment.

At that thought he tilted his head up and kissed Roman's cheek just because he could, and that fact alone meant the world to him now. Roman didn't question it he just took advantage of the fact his head was turned towards him and gently pressed a kiss to his lips.

Though worn out and tired Seth still felt that oh so familiar heat accompany the electricity and couldn't resist reaching up and tangling his fingers in Roman's hair as he deepened the kiss. Roman chuckled a little and gently pulled back giving him a few pecs making him pout and Lexie laugh delightedly.

"Tomorrow's never promised Superman," Lexie's eyes sparkled even though she looked so weak and like she was going to fall asleep any moment.

Roman looked down at Seth with his eyes ablaze, and Seth immediately felt his cock swell. Roman stood up bringing him with him, but the cat calls and whistles he had been expecting never came.

He looked down at his family suspiciously, but they were all just smiling up at them. Dean was spinning the beautiful engagement ring on Lexie's finger, which neither one of them seemed to feel the need to mention, which Seth was a little miffed about, but it made him think of the Christmas present he gotten Roman.

While he wanted almost nothing more than a repeat of their first night at the beach house there was something else he wanted to do more. Suddenly there were butterflies in his stomach, but he found that courage that Lexie had mentioned in her letter.

He wiggled for Roman to set him down planted a hard kiss on his lips that told him to wait for him in the bedroom, and headed for Lexie's room determined to make his own special moment. Tomorrow is never promised.

Seth's took a deep breath as he pushed open the bedroom door, while he'd found his courage it didn't mean he wasn't nervous as hell. Roman was lying in their bed looking at him curiously, but his smile and his eyes mirrored the love Seth felt for him, and his butterflies vanished.

He had planned it down to a T, what he was going to say, how he was going to do it, because he wanted it to be perfect, but now he knew any moment with the people that you loved regardless of where or when was special and perfect in its own right.

"Baby?" Roman questioned when Seth had crawled into bed with him and snuggled up, but stopped his kiss.

Seth smiled at his tone, which was somewhere between amused and frustrated, and couldn't help kissing him anyway. He put everything inside of him, everything he was feeling into that kiss, and even felt himself pout when he gently pulled away.

Roman didn't say anything, but tilted his head a little curiously kind of like Kevin did sometimes, which Seth was grateful for, because his laugh help stave off the returning butterflies he though had vanished.

"Roman," he smiled up at the man who was his happily ever after. "I had it all planned out, and what I was going to say and do, even how you would react…"

While he knew Roman had no idea what was going on Seth felt that deep rumbling chuckle all the way in his soul as he trailed off a little, and he almost let himself be side tracked, but pulled it together as goose bumps spread across every inch of his flesh.

"Baby," he composed himself again and put his whole heart into his words. "This whole thing, even these past three years have been full of amazing highs and amazing lows. There were moments when I wasn't sure I wanted to do it anymore…"

Roman's face fell slightly, but Seth just smiled and picked up his hand pressing his palm to his lips, and felt Roman shudder.

"I wouldn't trade one second of any of it for the whole world, because every moment, good or bad has led us to this moment… when you told me you still wanted everything with me, I never felt so lucky and undeserving at the same time, but I promised myself I would cherish that with everything I am."

"You deserve the world baby," it was Roman's turn to kiss his palm and make him shudder, and when he did his best to shake it off it made Roman laugh at him.

"Let me do this," Seth glared at him playfully, but his bratty tone made Roman just laugh at him again, and he huffed a little before continuing. "I wanted to wait for the perfect moment, to make it wonderful, and memorable, but I realize any moment with you is wonderful and memorable and perfect…"

Seth slipped the small velvet black box out of his pajama pocket as he let go of Roman's hand and pushed up to one knee. He wobbled a little on the mattress as he plucked the slightly plain but no less beautiful band out and held it up.

While it wasn't perfect or what anyone else might call a fairy tale moment, the look on Roman's face even as Seth wobbled slightly made it _his_ fairy tale moment.

"Roman Reigns," he continued slightly choked up. "You asked me once to make you the happiest man in the world, and I said yes, and while it didn't exactly go as planned, I never for one moment thought you weren't my forever…"

Seth never got to finish his speech because Roman suddenly pushed up and captured his lips. The kiss was like nothing Seth had ever experienced before. It was all the hurt and pain, and joy and love Roman felt for him over the years all rolled into one. It was Roman's way of telling him he felt the same.

"So that's a yes?" Seth asked breathlessly as they finally broke apart.

Roman laughed again, and it was a deep throaty laugh filled with joy. When Roman turned away from him he felt a little confused, but that all vanished when he quickly turned back to him and Seth saw what was in his hand making his chest constrict almost painfully.

"You kept it?" Seth felt a little overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of emotions he couldn't even begin to describe.

"Of course I kept it… there was only one place in the world it ever belonged, and while as you said things didn't go exactly as planned, I never gave up hope it would find its way home again."

Roman leaned over and kissed the tears that had begun streaming down Seth's cheeks, before he slipped the ring on Seth's shaky hand, then helped Seth slip the other ring on his hand.

It was by no means conventional or what anyone else would call a perfect proposal, but to them it was.

It was special, because it was a moment that they created together, and that's what made it perfect; more than perfect as far as they were concerned.


	21. Chapter 21

Roman awoke once again with a smile on his face to the sounds of barking and laughter coming from what he was sure was the kitchen. It was almost unfathomable, but there it was.

Yesterday morning had been heart wrenching, but last night had ended with the most perfect moment of his existence. He had no idea what Seth was up to, but once he realized what it was he could barely contain himself. He had tried to let Seth get it all out, he really did, but he couldn't help himself.

Nothing had ever felt as good as slipping that ring where it always belonged, then having one slipped on his finger as well, even if he did have to hold Seth's hands steady. Life's ups and downs were dizzying, but he now believed with everything he was, it was all necessary, and that he would never for one minute take any of it for granted again.

Seth began stirring in his arms as Roman gently kissed him awake thinking of what they'd never gotten to last night, and while what actually happened was precious and perfect, and he loved just holding his fiancée and kissing and cherishing him, it didn't mean he didn't still want what had been originally intended.

Seth's gorgeous chocolate brown eyes finally slid open looking a little confused, but full of love. His immediate responsiveness to Roman's touch only spurred him on as he deepened the kiss, and just as he slid his hand down Seth's abs a pounding on the door made them both freeze.

"Lexie says she doesn't give a fuck what you're doing in there, it's Christmas Eve, and time for family!" Randy was shouting as though he was only concerned that Lexie could hear him. The door opened a crack, "Sorry guys," He whispered loudly before pounding again and shouting. "Hurry up!"

Roman grumbled 100 % sure Lexie was the biggest cock block he'd ever met, and that they should probably wait a little while for kids. Seth looked disappointed, but he couldn't hide his sudden excitement as he realized what day it was. Christmas was Seth's favorite holiday, and Roman was sure he was itching to start celebrating as much he was itching for what Roman had in mind.

He looked so torn, it actually made Roman laugh despite his inevitable discomfort. He shook his head as Lexie's voice rang out telling them that breakfast was ready, and they should have gotten it out of their systems last night.

"Come on baby," Roman chuckled at Seth's blush, and kissed him hard making him a promise, while Seth kissed him back making his own before squealing a little and hopping out of bed and dragging Roman with him.

Everyone was already in the kitchen, but still in their pajamas, and while Lexie's voice sounded stronger than yesterday he could tell she was still weak by the fact that Randy was the one cooking and she was sitting on the counter with Dean standing in front of her worriedly.

"Sorry guys," Gavin mumbled a little embarrassed after Seth hugged him and wished him a Merry Christmas before letting go to rush Lexie. "She's been bugging us to get you guys for the last 40 minutes. It was either Randy pounding on the door or her joining you…"

"It's alright man," Roman patted his shoulder glad Gavin was actually talking to him. "She's more of a handful than Dean and Seth combined…" Roman cut himself off when Gavin looked suddenly sad, and changed the subject, "Merry Christmas by the way."

"Yay!" Lexie squealed suddenly cutting off Gavin's reply and leaping off the counter into Seth's arms almost giving them all heart attacks. "Rome, come here let me see!"

Roman gave Gavin an apologetic smile who looked floored at her outburst as she did her best to rush over to him not bothering to wait.

"Careful baby girl," Roman admonished as she stumbled forcing him to catch her making his heart skip a beat, but she ignored him.

"I knew it! Yay, I love weddings, and a Christmas Eve wedding too!" Lexie was more excited than he'd ever seen her as she kissed him, but he was a little too stunned to say anything back. "I have to call the courthouse!"

He looked up and met Seth's eyes who he thought would look just as stunned as he was, but Seth's eyes told him he would love nothing more. Roman went from stunned to elated in the drop of a hat, and while Lexie clapped excitedly and Dean did his best to hold her steady he closed the distance between him and Seth in three strides scooping him up into his arms kissing him.

"You really mean it?" Roman couldn't keep the excitement out of his voice.

"You've always been my forever," Seth's eyes were shinning with unshed tears, but sparkling in a way he'd yet to see.

Roman's own eyes filled with tears and he could barely keep himself together as he squeezed his very soon to be husband as tight as he dare and kissed every inch of his face.

"We're getting married," Roman said excitedly to no one in particular, because they all just heard, but he would shout it from the mountain tops if he could.

Seth had tears sliding down both cheeks, but he was beaming up at him making his heart absolutely melt, and Roman just squeezed him again mostly because he didn't know what else to do.

If you'd have told him yesterday morning he was going to marry the man of his dreams today he'd have told you to go to hell, but there it was, and he never felt so certain about anything in his whole life.

* * *

Roman felt nervous, happy, excited, but a little sad at the same time as they walked up the court house steps. He was beyond ecstatic about the whole thing, but he sort of wished his mom and dad and the rest of his family were here with them, he missed them.

He loved his family, and it wasn't like they weren't happy for him when he called to tell them, but he knew they would have liked to be here as much as he wanted them here. His mom had cried, and told him she loved him and even after everything told Seth she was proud to call him son, but it didn't stop it from hurting.

It was a very teary phone call, and it had been Seth that suggested they wait, but without knowing how long it might be too dangerous to be around them, especially with the extra uncertainty hanging in the air after Lexie survived, Roman stuck with his original decision. He was unwilling to waste any more time.

What made it harder though was it wasn't like they could even explain everything to them, so they didn't completely understand why they felt it had to be here and now, or really why it had to be without them, but he was grateful they loved him enough to accept it for what it was.

"We'll have another ceremony with everyone babe," Seth squeezed his hand sensing he needed it. "Mom can help plan and we'll do whatever it is she wants"

Roman smiled and kissed him as his heart swelled with the impossible amount of love he had for him. Seth was a bit of a control freak sometimes, and Roman knew that not getting to plan every detail would be hard for him, but he would let that go for Roman, and it made him love him just that much more.

It had actually been sort of amusing listening to Lexie and Seth make the hasty arrangements for something such as they were doing today, and was surprised it seemed to be so involved. He was slightly worried about those two and his mom planning a big wedding though, but he would have to take it in stride when they got there.

"Oh yay," Lexie said suddenly excited again at Seth's words handing the tablet she was messing with to Dean and hooked her arm through Seth's. "When? We're getting married March 21st!"

"You're getting married on March 21st, then?" Roman asked Dean chuckling a little dropping back as Seth who had been a little peeved about the whole getting engaged and not saying a goddamned word, as he put it, started in on Lexie now that she had given him an opening.

"Yup, sounds like it," he shrugged then smiled excitedly at the screen like he just cracked a code.

Roman was a little shocked at the way Lexie had reacted this morning considering neither her nor Dean had mentioned the fact they seemed to be engaged as well, and now had apparently set a date. Gavin seemed to just be in shock in general and actually sort of made a choking sound as Randy laughed and shook his head.

"You haven't talked about it?" Roman asked incredulously.

"Nope, don't care, as long as it's what she wants, and as long as she says "I do"; I only need a time and a place," Dean replied distractedly.

Roman shook his head sort of amazed. Dean was one person he'd never thought he'd ever see married, and he showed no signs of cold feet. Roman was pretty sure he'd be fine with now if that's what Lexie wanted.

"Hello? Can you see me? Can you hear me?" Roman heard his mom's voice which made him freeze.

"Hi!" Dean waved excited and proudly at the tablet he'd been messing with.

"What the hell happened to your face?" He heard his dad's voice as well, which only served to keep him frozen in surprise.

"Seth punched me," Dean shrugged.

"Oh yay, good job, babe!" Lexie said excitedly ignoring Seth's angry protests as she walked away and kissed Dean's cheek.

"Hey!" Lexie waved happily at the screen too. "I'm so glad it worked!"

"Jesus did Seth punch you too?" Roman's dad asked irritably making Lexie laugh, and everyone else scowl, while Roman found his feet.

While his dad was happy he was happy, he was still a little worried considering what happened last time.

"No Hunter did that," he heard Jimmy or Jay's voice now too as he reached out for the tablet, which only served to surprise and excite him farther.

In his surprise and excitement he snatched the tablet from them a little unceremoniously and spun it around. He couldn't help the tears that sprung up in his eyes when he looked at the screen and saw not only his mom and dad, but a lot of his extended family too, and it left him speechless as he just stared at them.

"Isn't this wonderful?" His mom said excitedly with tears in her eyes, but all he could do was nod extremely grateful, before pulling Lexie into his arms thinking it was her idea.

"Don't thank me," Lexie kissed his cheek then pulled Dean forward, "It was all Pretty Boy's idea."

Roman chuckled delightedly and pulled Dean into him while Randy plucked the momentarily forgotten tablet out of his hand and waved at the screen happily, and Seth tried to shake off his annoyance with Lexie, and waved too.

"Genius," Roman muttered ruffling Dean's hair affectionately when he found his voice.

"I know this," Dean replied indignantly, though he beamed at the compliment making Roman unable to resist kissing his head. "Besides I wouldn't let momma and papa Reigns miss seeing their baby boy tie the knot."

"You gonna let them miss seeing you tie the knot?" Seth said a little irritably apparently just as mad at Dean as he was Lexie, and unable to drop it. "Or are you two just going to go get married and not tell anyone like you did when you got engaged?"

"Relax, Bambie," Lexie pulled Seth into her arms and kissed his head. "I won't make any more decisions without my best man, promise. You'll be the first to know."

Roman laughed as Seth's eyes widened in surprise, and he knew her words meant the world to him, but then his eyes narrowed at her suspiciously, "even before Dean?"

"Even before Dean," she kissed him again making everyone laugh and Dean shrug.

"I just need a time and place; you two have fun, I'm not getting involved," Dean kissed his fiancée then Roman's, but their joy was cut off by his mom's voice.

"Dean Ambrose!" His mom chastised angrily. "How dare you not tell me you're getting married! You're as good as a son to us, and we find out like this?"

Dean's eyes teared at her words, and while Roman knew his whole family felt that way about Dean, apparently Dean had no idea, and it left him speechless.

"Don't worry momma Reigns you'll know everything else before Dean too," Lexie cut in kindly. Randy refocused the screen on Lexie as his mom's face softened and she beamed. "I would love any help you'd like to offer, it's March 21st, my parents anniversary."

"Which for the record, I only found out about, like 5 minutes ago," Dean cut in quickly, before he could get yelled at again, "same as everyone else."

Roman probably would have laughed at Dean's slight panic or at the way Randy was concentrating so hard on focusing the tablet on whoever was speaking if the whole thing wasn't so fucking heartwarming and leaving him choked up with emotion.

Suddenly someone cleared their throat behind them making them turn around and laugh when they saw it was the Judge whose eyes told them in the politest way possible to hurry the fuck up, which Roman quickly complied with. Not only because it was Christmas Eve, but because now everything was as perfect as it could be under the circumstances.

Roman fidgeted slightly with a mixture of nerves and excitement as he grasped Seth's hand as tight as he dare and the judge began the ceremony. The Judge seemed to have shaken off his annoyance at Randy who refused to let them start until he found the perfect angle from which his family could watch and Roman swore the old man was almost smiling at their collective excitement.

Roman knew his palm was sweating, but neither he nor Seth cared as the Judge began their vows. He turned to face Seth and his heart began to pound as he met his momentarily to be husband's watery eyes.

"Do you Roman take Seth to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Roman said firmly making Seth smile and Lexie and what he thought was his mom let out a quiet sob.

"Do you Seth take Roman to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Seth was a little choked up and his voice was thick with emotion, and it made Roman's heart swell even more so as he brushed away a tear that had finally escaped down Seth's cheek.

The Judge asked for the rings, and Roman felt his face flush a little realizing in their haste and excitement they had never thought to even take their rings off. He started to stutter out and embarrassed apology, but Dean tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a thin ban lined with diamonds while Lexie did the same to Seth.

Seth's tears began to flow a little faster and Roman felt his actually begin to fall as Lexie winked at them letting them know they had their back as Dean squeezed his hand letting him know the same.

"With this ring I thee wed, and pledge my life," Roman repeated after the judge, and was surprised to find that this time it were his hands shaking so badly Seth had to steady them so he could slip it on his finger.

"With this ring I thee wed, and pledge my life," Seth's voice had become slightly firmer, though his tears still fell and his hands shook a little.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Maryland I now pronounce you husband and husband, you may kiss the groom."

Roman couldn't help but put everything into that kiss, and wasn't surprised when he found Seth seemed to feel the same. Everyone cheered and clapped, and while he was glad they could all bear witness, both his families, everything seemed to disappear as he shared his first kiss with his husband.

* * *

Roman was floored and excited and joyful, and so much more he couldn't even put into words. While it was just his husband, his siblings, and Humberto, and Ms. Izzy they were able to keep the tablet open leaving a connection to the rest of his family.

Ms. Izzy and Humberto had been at the house when they'd gotten back, and apologized for not being there seeing as how they had been tasked with cooking for the reception, but promised they wouldn't miss the other ceremony for anything in the world.

After a few hours Lexie who he could see had been weakened more so than she tried to let on began to fade a little making them all worry. She refused to go to bed not wanting to ruin their special day though allowed Randy to carry her to her room so she could get in her pajamas.

They all decided it would be best if Humberto and Ms. Izzy left, so that Lexie wouldn't feel like she was the one who was cutting the party short. Gavin, Roman, and Seth quickly cleaned up before Lexie and Randy returned while Dean was busy talking to Roman's mom about god knows what.

Randy came down stairs a little while later carrying Lexie who was resting her head on his shoulder seemingly asleep. Dean carefully took Lexie from his arms who stirred as they all waved quiet good byes to his family,

"Bed time angel," Dean kissed Lexie's head making her pout, but she was too tired to fight with him, and just climbed down and hugged and kissed everyone good night, before Dean and Randy said good night with more hugs and kisses then set off for bed as well, while Gavin followed after offering his own congratulations.

Roman felt beyond blessed as he pulled his husband into his arms kissing him gently. When he pulled back Seth was smiling up at him with that glint in his eye that made his heart begin to race, and his cock immediately swell.

"I believe you made me a promise this morning," Seth purred.

"Yea?" Roman smirked back pushing Seth's hips flush against his own feeling that he was already rock hard, which made his own cock throb with anticipation.

Seth just smiled and tangled his fingers in his hair as he pulled him closer to kiss him gently causing goose bumps break out across his skin and a shiver to run up his spine. He caressed Seth's bottom lips with the tip of his tongue, and was rewarded with a gorgeous moan as their tongue met beginning a loving unhurried dance.

Roman let his hands slide down to Seth's ass and lifted him so he could wrap his legs around his waist. They continued their slow sensual kiss all the way down the hall, and both refused to break contact as he carefully lowered them both down to the mattress.

The others often joked about his preferences in the bedroom, and while it was mostly true that wasn't was he wanted right now. Seth seemed to sense it or maybe it was what he wanted too as he felt him gently nudge him to roll on his back.

They each took their time tenderly exploring and cherishing every inch of one another, while their clothes slowly disappeared. Quiet, but no less sexy whimpers and moans emanated from his husband as he gently nibbled on his ear, and while they were both enjoying the intimacy of the experience both their hips were beginning to buck begging for friction.

Roman was becoming painfully hard, and when he pulled back a little Seth's eyes were begging for his cock inside of him, but Roman wanted something else.

"Baby, I want to feel you inside me," Roman said gently.

It was something they'd only done one other time, which was the only time for Roman, but he wanted nothing more right now than to give himself to his husband.

Seth smiled and nodded before kissing him one last time and rolling him on his back. He did his best not to tense as Seth carefully prepped him with his fingers and tongue. While there was pain, there were also pleasure, and moans were soon escaping him in between gentle kisses.

It was sort of intense when Seth slowly pushed into him, but gentle kisses kept him distracted as well as praises and curses at how amazing it felt that tumbled from Seth's lips. It felt amazing for him too, but even more so when he gave him the okay and he began to move.

It was just as tender and loving as the rest of it, but when Seth found that sweet spot Roman couldn't help meeting him thrust for thrust. It was intoxicating and almost overwhelming, but he loved every second of it, and gradually it picked up.

Seth reached between them and began stroking Roman's cock letting him know he was close as he captured his lips in a sloppy, but no less searing kiss. He bucked his hips meeting him thrust for thrust, and even without Seth's hand he would have been done for.

What left his mouth as he came was nothing intelligible, and Roman himself wasn't even sure if it was supposed to be a moan, or a curse, or praise, but it seemed to do Seth in none the less.

Roman closed his eyes surprised when they began to sting as he felt Seth carefully slip out of him, not because he was in pain, but because he was so unbelievably happy.

It felt so stupid, and so unmanly, but Roman didn't care as he pulled Seth down to kiss him hard. He wanted to thank him, and tell him how much he loved him, and everything he was feeling, but words just didn't seem like enough.

After everything they'd been through he was positive no matter how long or how many languages he searched, he would never be able to explain what this moment meant to him, what Seth meant to him, but when Seth gently pulled back and he looked into his eyes, Roman knew he didn't need to put it into words, because Seth could feel it.


	22. Chapter 22

Randy grit his teeth and pounded the floor with his fist in frustration for what felt like the hundredth time this morning as he wiped his hand across his face most likely smearing the bright red lip stick everywhere.

It was like some sort of switch had been flipped and they had gone from a happy little family celebrating Christmas, love, and life, straight into boot camp. While he'd questioned the sudden urgency that they begin training in earnest he'd gotten no clear answer, and neither had the others. Lexie seemed to be reverting to her old ways a bit, and Randy wondered if the shot had affected her more than just weakening her considerably.

It had been a whirl wind of a couple of weeks, and while everything seemed to work out as it should have he was getting nervous about how relentlessly Gavin and Lexie were pushing them. He still felt like he was just struggling to just catch up with everything that had happened.

Lexie had almost died. He had almost let her without lifting a finger, and while Gavin had done his best to make him feel better about it by assuring him she could talk Satan himself into selling her his soul, it didn't. Gavin was going to let her die too, so Randy was sure he was saying it as much to himself as to Randy, because Randy felt like it was nothing but a justification… The Nazis were just following orders too.

Roman and Seth's hasty engagement and impromptu wedding had been amazing, and he had been over the moon about it although he tried not to let it show too much. He was so happy for them, and glad he just got to go along for the ride, because he was sure witnessing a love like that was a rarity, and he felt privileged.

He was no less happy for Dean and Lexie, though that whole thing was still a little puzzling they both seemed happy, and they were probably two of the strangest people he'd ever met, so he just sort of went with it, though as training got tougher he noticed Lexie fingering her ring sadly.

The time frame seemed ridiculously short, and he imagined it had a lot to do with their predicament… what good was a five year plan when you weren't sure you were going to see tomorrow? He expected that had a lot to do with how close they'd become in such a short time as well. Just by being here, each one of them had pretty much agreed to die for any of the others. He wondered if this was how soldiers felt about each other when they were shipped out.

Circumstances such as these pushed people together, and while he knew it was all genuine he was sure the intensity of it all was due to their situation. Life in the fast lane didn't even begin to describe it.

"Randy," Lexie chastised as he pushed to his feet. "Stop just lunging at him, it's no good. Your movements need to be deliberate and controlled, and you need to watch _both_ of his hands, and keep your hand up."

"I am," he snapped at her, because he was, or he thought he was.

"Alright," Lexie called out irritably, and while she had been up and about for a few days she still looked worn.

Roman, Dean, and Seth stopped what they were doing and turned to look at her. Randy had been working with Dean, who hardly had any marks on him, which although was probably a good thing it still frustrated him.

Gavin had stepped in to try and help when Randy let his frustrations get the best of him. It didn't make it one bit better though, because Gavin was far better than Dean and refused to let up on him for one second.

"You guys all have amazing reflexes, which is good, and while any kind of fighting is part instinct, what we need is muscle memory," Randy could tell she was frustrated. "Seth, you're still hesitating, Roman, get out of your head, Dean… just concentrate on where you strike, and Randy, keep your guard up. It does you no good to land it when your jugular is severed at the same time. This shit isn't a fucking game."

Randy was suddenly angry as well as frustrated, and he could see his brothers were too. Like they didn't know it wasn't a fucking game. Less than a week ago they had been sitting there holding their breath waiting to see if she would die. She acted like this was easy, and while he liked it slightly better than her stupid fucking flash cards it wasn't a skill you learned over night.

"You act like this shit is easy," Randy snapped at her. "I'm sorry we don't all kill people for a fucking living."

"Thank fucking god for that!" Lexie snapped back. "Because otherwise you'd all be fucking dead, except for maybe Dean, if he got lucky early and hit something vital!"

"Lexie…" Seth stepped up and tried to quell some of her anger, but Randy knew it was going to be futile.

"No Bambie," she snapped at him now. "We'll do this all goddamned night as far as I'm concerned, every single one of you promised me you would fucking try! Maybe you would take this more seriously if we used real fucking blades and drew real fucking blood, because that's what's on the line; there are no fucking do overs!"

"Lex, we are trying," Roman ever the peace maker tried his luck. "It's just different for us, and Randy's right…"

"That's what you're not fucking getting!" She snapped. "It doesn't fucking matter if it's different for you, or that you're not used to it, because it won't matter to whoever comes, and while you guys want to sit here and fucking make excuses all day, whoever it is won't bat an eye as they slit your throats!"

Randy suddenly felt nauseous and a little bad for his outbursts the last few days. They weren't doing this to be assholes or belittling them; they were worried. They pushed because they had to, and while he'd always found it hard to swallow his anger, he tried to.

"Don't you fucking get that?" Lexie seemed to be at her wits end. "This isn't easy for me either, and while you guys think I'm being a bitch or too hard on you, I can see 20 different ways I could kill every single one of you every time you make a move…"

Randy just like the others often forgot what Lexie really was and it was times like these that it sort of hit him full force.

"I am not even close to full strength, and none of you would have a prayer against even me, let alone the type of person they would send…" she sat on the couch with a sigh, and while Randy was glad she was no longer shouting at them this seemed worse. "I promised I wouldn't leave you guys again, but I feel like you're not leaving me a choice… This is fucking impossible Gav."

"Lex," Gavin said firmly. "Take a break."

She looked up at him, and Randy saw that they seemed to be discussing something, which by the way Lexie scowled at him before calling to Kevin and heading down to the beach he knew Gavin won. He also knew they were keeping something from them again.

"What happened?" Randy snapped failing to contain the anger that he had tried to swallow.

"Nothing happened."

"Obviously it's fucking something," Dean was angry now too.

"Nothing happened," Gavin said more firmly.

"Then why the fuck…" Randy knew something was going on, and was pissed they were lying to him.

"Randy!" Seth snapped at him as he started forward. "He literally means nothing happened."

Randy felt confused for a second, then realized what they meant. None of them had known what to expect when Lexie survived, and while it had been her original intention to die while simultaneously closing the case and hopefully knocking off the threat, nothing had happened after the debacle that was her sacrifice.

It had been four days since she miraculously made it through the night, and while she was certain Schmidt knew something was going on as well as Hannigan they hadn't heard a word about anything. With the missing surveillance and logs they would know something was off, not to mention the little guy, Henry who had brought her back to the apartment after giving her the shot had gone with the F.B.I.

As far as that went they were still trying to get everything together, but had to be certain to cross their T's and dot their I's because Hannigan would hire the best team of lawyers money could buy. They had both been certain they would send someone else after Seth if they were still going to honor the contract with the heat turned up, and he noticed the change in her when Gavin had gotten the call telling him it wasn't enough yet, but why would she have to leave.

"And that means what?" Randy snapped a little confused as well as irritated making Gavin sigh.

"You guys don't fully grasp what my sister really is," he held up his hand when Seth and Dean went to protest. "Yes, she loves you, yes, she has a heart, but she is extremely fucking dangerous."

"We know that," Randy snapped wondering how he could think they didn't know that after they'd just spent two days with her teaching them how to kill someone a hundred different ways, and making it look effortless.

"No you don't," Gavin snapped back taking them all by surprise, because he hadn't raised his voice once since they tried to keep him from saying good bye. "You really don't. You've seen her laugh, smile, joke, be ridiculous, cry at a wedding, so I don't blame you, but you never seen her in action. That little girl you all love so much has 58 confirmed kills in the last three years alone. More are accredited to her, but you need to understand, she is a killer, and a fucking good one."

"She wouldn't…" Roman started angrily.

"No, she wouldn't, and that's not what I'm saying," Gavin sat down much like Lexie had. "What I'm saying is she as good as blew her cover, and while she wasn't enough to make the whole case she's a big part of it, and there's a lot of people out there who have a lot of money that would pay a good portion of it to see she's silenced."

"That has to do with her leaving why?" Dean asked a little irritable, but mostly scared.

"Because the kind of person that they'll send after her, the kind of person that will accept that challenge is the kind of person she wants nowhere near any of you, and neither do I," Gavin said seriously. "She's weaker than you think, and as of now she hardly has a prayer."

"Then why'd you send her away?" Seth asked angrily.

"Because, she wants to move out into the open, alone, to draw whoever it is to her and do it on her terms, not only is she not strong enough yet, but she made promises to you all she had every intention of keeping, and still does, which is the only reason she hasn't done it yet, however, if she had to sit her for one more minute and actually see all the ways she could kill each and every one of you, all of that would go out the window."

"We won't let her," Roman said firmly though Randy knew they all felt just as he did, extremely fucking nauseous.

"You can't stop her," Gavin said tiredly. "Listen, I don't know the woman you know. I don't know Lexie, but you also don't know Gwen. I've managed to convince her to hold off," he held up his hand at another round of protests. "She doesn't want to go, but if she feels like she has to she will. She'd rather have you hate her and alive, then love her and dead, besides as far as she's concerned she's not going willingly to her death she taking care of a problem."

Randy just stared at him, and while he'd had mixed feelings about Gavin since they met, most of which he tried not to think about he was extremely angry with him right now as were the others. Randy had made the mistake of standing by before, and he wasn't going to do it again.

"That's why I'm trying to explain to you what she really is," Gavin said gently when he sensed Randy's reaction. "I may not know her, but I still love her just as much as you do. Our best chance is to stay hidden until she's strong enough then let her go and do what she does best. She can't run and hide forever nor will she. That's why she didn't just have me come get you guys and take off. They'll find her eventually with enough time and resources. It's better if she finds them first, and if you fight her it'll force her hand before she'd ready. It's our best chance."

None of them really knew what to say, it was like it was happening all over again, and while the situation was different the principles still felt the same; doing more damage by trying to protect her, and he wondered if they'd made a terrible mistake.

They had thought by saving her they were showing her they loved her and trusted her; he now saw she was in a whole other kind of mess. They all were. Their limited options consisted of bringing a whole new kind of danger to their door step, which might force her out before she's ready, or let it be and do something extremely hard, but logical, and probably their only chance; her only chance.

His brother's felt it too, and he saw the tears starting again. Life seemed to be full of nothing, but shitty decisions.

"It's what I do guys," Lexie said quietly closing the door behind her startling them out of their thoughts. "It's what I am, but it doesn't mean I love you any less, and while it's illogical, if you can't handle it, and you want me to stay, I will. I love you all, and I promised I wouldn't take that choice from you ever again, but remember if you make that choice you put yourselves, and your brothers in danger; a danger like you've never known. Gavin can handle what they send after Seth, because anyone he can't will be coming after me..."

Nothing, but shitty decisions.


	23. Chapter 23

Dean should have felt like his world stopped spinning once again as he stared at the woman who would one day be his wife, but it didn't. Lexie had offered them a choice, just like she had promised, but he knew she offered it expecting them to make the right decision; by her and by their brothers. Dean knew what the right decision was, though his chest hurt at the mere thought.

She wasn't asking them to let her go to her death willingly; she was asking them to trust her. To trust her to make it through, to trust her skill, and to trust her love for them was strong enough to bring her home again, bar anything out of her control.

Dean had learned that the hardest thing in the world was not to trust someone to keep you safe, but to trust them to keep themselves safe. It is much easier to be the one to kick down the door and take a bullet than it is to let someone you love kick it down while all you can do is pray that whoever is behind that door is a shitty shot.

Over these past few weeks they had learned to accept their mortality as well as that of those they loved. They learned to forgive and what it really meant to live life like you were dying. They learned to cherish every moment, every second, and take nothing for granted, because it could all end in the blink of an eye. They learned necessity, sacrifice, duty, courage, faith and selflessness.

It had all been full of indecision and heartache, but they had learned in the end. Orders were given and orders were meant to be followed for reasons they may not fully grasp at the time. When it came to life and death there were no do overs. Trust was paramount, and he knew he trusted Lexie as much as he loved her, even if it was so unbelievably fucking hard sometimes.

"How long will you be gone?" Dean asked feeling his heart break and the incredulous looks his brothers were giving him.

Lexie gave him a sad but loving smile full of gratitude and pride that made his heart melt, well what was left of it.

"As long as it takes baby," Lexie replied quietly finally fully entering the room.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Orton was almost shouting. "You're just going to let her go?"

Roman looked just as incredulous as before, but Seth he could see grasped the why quickly as per usual.

"Do you trust Lexie, Randy?" Seth asked gently taking the angry man's hand.

"What kind of fucking question is that?" Roman's disbelief turned into anger as well as he glared between Seth and himself, but Dean could only give him a tired smile.

"Roman," Dean felt his eyes burning hardly able to believe he was the one argue in favor of this awful decision as he took his brother's hand. "Do you want to lose Seth, or me, or Randy, or Gavin?"

Roman's face fell and he saw his stomach drop at the thought. Randy looked more hurt than angry now as well.

"That's not fair," Randy snapped as Roman seemed to be wrapping his head around the idea of what it would be like to live without Seth. "You can't ask us that, you can't ask us to choose."

"We're not asking you to choose honey," Lexie said softly taking Randy's hand.

"We're asking you to trust Lexie," Seth said quietly looking between Roman and Randy. "You've seen some of what she can do, and that's not even at full strength. Do you doubt her?"

Randy looked crestfallen, hurt, and confused. He trusted and loved Lexie just as much as the rest of them, but he was struggling with his instinct to protect someone he loved at all cost. Dean was struggling too, but he trusted his fiancée to do right not only by his brothers but him as well. She loved him more than anything, and he knew she would do anything to return to him; all of them.

"She is my future wife and I love her more than anything Randy," Dean told him gently. "This is our best chance, her best chance. If she stays she runs the risk of distraction, just like her broken wrist."

"It's true," Gavin added gently wrapping an arm around Randy's shoulder. "Her concentration would be divided between making sure you all are safe and keeping herself alive. It's a distraction she can't afford, that none of us can afford."

"So you just go and offer yourself up as bait and we what, pray you come back to us?" Randy was crumbling but unlike last time not following orders without question.

"No honey," Lexie actually smiled at him seeing she was getting somewhere with both Randy and Roman. "I am going to chum the waters, reel the son of a bitch in, and then put a bullet in his head before he knows what hit him. It would be very different if ya'll were farther along, but Gav's right it'll just distract me."

Dean felt his heart skip a beat at her words. While he knew that's what she was planning it made him feel a little sick to actually hear it. He knew what she was, but that didn't stop him from falling in love or starting when she talked about it so non-chelantly.

"Do you know how much someone will pay to kill someone else so they don't have blood on their hands?" Lexie had asked when Roman and Seth had questioned about the wedding rings she'd bought. "Killing Seth would have been an easy million, so don't worry about the money."

They had all frozen as her words often forgetting her profession, well temporary profession.

"We can train harder," Roman offered weakly making Lexie smile at him sadly.

"And you will," she patted his cheek, "but you all need to sit this one out, even if I had years instead of days I don't think you could handle the shit storm coming my way."

They all swallowed hard at the thought. Everything they'd done in the last few weeks had felt like the hardest thing they'd ever done in their lives and somehow their choices just seemed to be getting harder and harder. The lesser of the two evils seemed to be fates favorite game as of late.

"It's just as hard for me leaving you behind," Lexi continued. "Gavin is more than capable, but I have to worry about what ifs too. It's always an impossibly hard decision to allow someone you love to go head long into danger, but sometimes it's what we have to do. It's the way of war as it were, and it sucks the big one, but embrace the suck and let it go, because worrying about it won't change a damn thing. We all have to trust one another to do what needs doing, not just you, and as Seth mentioned before at least I can kill someone with a tea cup."

Roman actually smiled at her as the rest of his resistance dissolved as well as Randy's. It was a difficult thing to do, but she was right, and he watched his brothers accept it.

Before the conversation could go any farther the doorbell rang. Everyone with the exception of Lexie tense before she kissed them all and went to answer it. Dean wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't this.

"Are you fucking serious," Dean found himself shouting as Hunter followed Lexie into the living room.

Dean could barely contain his anger and while he felt he and his brothers were on the same page they all grabbed him as he started after him. That son of a bitch broke his fiancée's face and actually had the nerve to waltz in here like nothing ever happened, though he noticed Hunter seemed to be sporting a black eye still.

"Calm the fuck down," Lexie said using her authoritative voice, but it did little to quell his anger.

"The fuck is he doing here?" Roman growled just as angry as Dean, but knew there had to be a reason.

"The fuck does it matter?" Dean snapped not really caring about the reason.

"Just fucking stop," Lexie glared at him. "I asked him to punch me, so get your knickers out of a twist, and we need him again."

"Fuck that," it was Randy's turn to speak up, but Dean just felt as though she sucker punched him. That whole thing was a setup?

"He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone. If my brother can forgive me for putting a bullet in his husbands head, I think you four can forgive Hunter for being a shitty human being or at least fucking tolerate him until this is over."

Dean was somewhat satisfied that Hunter looked scared, but in no way wanted to forgive him for anything regardless or tolerate him.

"You all need to go back to work and Gavin needs to go with you," Lexie explained. "He punched me not only to give me a reason to get us suspended, because the walls felt like they were closing in, but because I felt the need to let you know about Mac. It felt like I was in too deep and while I couldn't tell you what had happened Hunter could sow doubt or at least make you see I wasn't worth it if it came down to it. Obviously that didn't work out because you all made me soft."

Dean remembered how she had seemed to be expecting company, and while they knew she was fully capable of dodging the punch chose not to.

"You really are a dumb bitch," Seth snapped speaking for the first time since Hunter came in looking rather pale. "You let him break your face to get us suspended while hoping we would lose faith in you."

"I did what I had to do, Bambie," Lexie said gently. "I also needed to gauge his resolution to help keep you alive."

Dean knew it was true, but it didn't stop it from hurting there were a million way around it.

"You were going regardless of what we decided," Dean accused suddenly angry she had kept this from them.

"No," she rolled her eyes. "I knew you would make the right choice."

It was probably true, but they were still angry so Seth tried another route.

"You said it was his fault you had to be here," Seth snapped at her and Dean remembered her saying that though he was more focused on breaking his brother's hold at the time.

He had thought she was alluding to the fact he was the financier, especially when he felt Seth stiffen.

"Stephanie's a pain in the ass and a bitch," Hunter cut in angrily speaking for the first time, "but this isn't her doing."

"Never said it was," though Lexie had been apparently working with him it was clear he distaste for the man was genuine.

Both Seth and Hunter looked at her in shock, because they both seemed to think that was what she meant.

"Is there a love more powerful than that of which a father has for his daughter?"

Dean felt his own eyes widen and jaw slacken at the realization, Vince was the financier. Hunter's dalliances were well known, and Stephanie tolerated it, but barely. Hunter's affections for Seth had not pushed Stephanie over the edge, they had made her father put his foot down in a very extreme way.

Hunter reacted the worst paling considerably before he turned to Lexie like he had fucked up royally. Lexie realized it a split second before the rest of them, but a loud crash that was the front door being kicked in stopped them all dead in their tracks.

"Times up bitch," a man with a silenced pistol leveled it at Lexie as another came in behind him doing the same to Gavin.

"Hannigan, Schmidt," Lexie smiled though Dean could see she was beyond tense and unfortunately only armed with a knife. "I am so glad you could join us. We've been waiting for you."

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for the late update guys, I got lost in the dark ages... Thank you again to those of you who are sticking with me! We're almost to the end!**


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